Human Nature

Mr. Hall nervously sat at the head of the table across from his two awaiting sons, Daniel and Benjamin. Daniel was thirteen years of age and Benjamin just recently turned seven. Mr. Hall cleared his throat, not knowing where to start this interesting conversation.1

“Well boys your mother wanted me to talk to Daniel about the nature of life but I might as well have both of you here so I won’t have to explain twice.” He started out, still unsure of what to say. His wife Mrs. Hall wanted him to explain about sex and the dangers of it. He personally thought Daniel was too young to care but his wife thought otherwise. He felt his palms grow sweaty.2

So this is why I didn’t want to be a father, he remembered.3

“When a boy and girl love each other they-” he started but Daniel stood up from his chair. 4

“I’m not gonna take none of this dad! I already know this stuff.” He said putting on his cap and ready to head out the door, but Mr. Hall stopped him.5

“Sit down at listen to me!” Mr. Hall said impatiently. No one can mess with Mr. Hall. He was tall, muscular, yet soft inside. He knew anyone could walk over him but when he made himself look tough, he really could get tough. Whether a man across the street gets the better of him he knew his sons shouldn’t. 6

Daniel sat down annoyingly and crossed his arms across his chest. 7

“Alright. When a man and a woman love each other, they get this…urge to…” Mr. Hall said uneasily.8

“To screw each other.” Daniel said impatiently. Little Benjamin rose his small hand in the air. Mr. Hall called on his name.9

“What does screw each other mean?” Benjamin asked his father. Daniel smirked, waiting to be amused by what his father’s answer would be. Mr. Hall gave it a long thought. 10

“Well…screw is another word for sex.” Mr. Hall said. Benjamin raised his hand.11

“Daddy what’s sex?” Benjamin asked. Daniel laughed as his face turned a bright red color. Mr. Hall sighed and gave it another thought.12

“Well it’s when a man takes his “magic tool” and-”13

“Do you mean peanuts?” Benjamin suddenly asked. There was a long silence. 14

“What?” Mr. Hall asked his young son. Daniel continued to try to contain his laughter. The kitchen table was brightly lit, which Mr. Hall didn’t enjoy since he was having a very hard time explaining to his son about the nature of life. His wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner. She was probably wearing an evil smile on her face. She had no daughters and her tubes were tied meaning she could have no more children. She didn’t have to deal with violent mood swings, menstruation, accidental pregnancy, or having to explain the human nature and urges.15

“Peanuts!” Benjamin said standing on his chair and holding his crotch. “My peanuts!” he said. Daniel began to laugh his head off. Benjamin continued to hold his crotch; as if he was making sure it was still there and wouldn’t fall off. Daniel had his head on the table buried in his arms. 16

“Yes Benny! Yes your peanuts.” Mr. Hall said gesturing him to sit back down in his seat. Benjamin sat down, his hand still on his magic tool. Mr. Hall let out a deep sigh before shaking his head and continuing his lecture. “Alright. The man will take his magic tool and insert it into a woman.” Benjamin raised his hand. 17

“What does insert mean?” Benjamin asked. There was another long silence. Mr. Hall began to think.18

“Insert, Benjamin, means to place something inside something.” Mr. Hall explained. “So that means the man will put his peanuts I-I mean magic tool inside a woman. Alright? Do we have his straight now?” he asked quickly regretting his words of choice in his last sentence. Daniel seemed to notice and continued to laugh, this even laughing even harder. 19

“Where does he put it daddy? In her belly button?” Benjamin asked. Daniel fell out of his chair and hid under the table as he couldn’t breathe from laughing so hard.20

“No son. He puts it in her…her…magic tool.” Mr. Hall explained unsurely. 21

“Girls have peanuts too?” Benjamin asked bewilderedly. Daniel began to gasp for air. “How does a guy put his peanuts in her peanuts?” Benjamin asked. 22

“Ben shut up and let me breathe!” Daniel exclaimed from under the table.23

“Alright I can’t take this anymore! Ask your mother!” Mr. Hall said and angrily got up from the table and left. There was another long silence. Mrs. Hall was suddenly thrust out the door into the dining room. She looked at her youngest son sitting at the table and her oldest son under the table. She cleared her throat and straightened out her blouse.24

“Why don’t you boys learn about sex like all the other boys and just watch porn?!” she asked them and quickly left. Benjamin looked down at his brother.25

“What’s that?” Benjamin asked.26

“Just videos of peanuts, Ben.” Daniel said. “Just videos of peanuts.” 27

Author notes

The picture of the cute baby just represent where the conversation was suppose to get through, which was where babies come from and how they are made, but they never got to that part

Hope I made you laugh, or feel googoogaga over the cutest baby picture.

PLEASE COMMENT!!!

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 42 of 42

  • Jailrobin
    September 7
    Edit | Reply
    I. DIED.

    Hahaha, thank you for an awesomeawesomeawesome read! <3!


  • silkenwolf
    September 7
    Edit | Reply
    Haha! This was so funny, amazing job! It was cleverly done.I loved it Well done for winning the contest


  • therenaissancegirl gold member
    September 3

    Edit | Reply
    lmfao!

    "Girls have peanuts too?” Benjamin asked bewilderedly. Daniel began to gasp for air. “How does a guy put his peanuts in her peanuts?"

    I just about died. Thanks for that!

    Renaissance


  • Para Turkey gold member
    August 27
    Edit | Reply
    lmao!!!! that was soooooooooooo funny, funny but wrong lol poor little kid ha peanuts


  • lesbian-in-love
    August 23
    Edit | Reply
    That was actually pretty funny. Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • SCREAMxTOxxBExHEARD
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    This was so funny. I still can't stop laughing. lol. My little cousin was right next to me when I was laughing. She looke at the computer and asked what peanuts were? I laughed so hard I fell backwards out of my chair. I liked this alot.


  • slyly annonymous
    August 19

    Edit | Reply
    Haha, truly amazing. It's really funny and great. I really like it, the whole scene is just...wow. I love Benjamin! He's a very curious seven year old, reminds me of my little brother...anyway,
    GReat job =]


  • Farhan gold member
    August 17
    Edit | Reply

    Good job!!!!

    And thank you for entering my contest

  • X-Alias-X
    August 12
    Edit | Reply
    Hilarious! I was laughing so hard I nearly fell from my chair! Awesome job!


  • Valkyrie silver member
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    Peanuts, lol. I'll remember that one for when my son gets older. Boys watching porn explains so much of why our attitude toward women is as crappy as it is. They grow up and make lame TV shows. And more porn. And ads for any product females might buy. And more porn. It's a vicious cycle of peanuts and magic tools.

    I liked that the little brother spoke right up and stole the conversation and embarrassed his dad to death. That was excellent! I'd bitch slap that mom out of my house, though.

    Funny story; good job.


  • shtwyturtle
    August 9
    Edit | Reply
    Well, thank you for entering the contest. Good job.

    Good luck.


  • LindaIsMe
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    This is too funny! I haven't laughed like this in years. MY mom started wondering why I was laughing and I pointed at the computer. She read it. Shes laughing too. wonderful way to describe things! Wonderful way to get your spirits in high gear after being sad over something Great job!!!!


  • UsagiDreams
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    Hilarious, I think that is a situation that many fathers and mothers have come across. Good luck in the contest.


  • MusicOfTheNight9
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    LOL I HAVE READ THIS BEFORE BUT LOL!!!!!! that is so funny, i have a feeling that ben might be too young for this... lol nice job. way to go, you made me laugh after reading a ton of depressing love stories! hahahahahahahaha thanks for entering my contest and good luck!

    Kudos,
    CreaterSk8er


  • EverRose
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    Oh! I've read this before! LMAO! It's hilarious, I loved it. Not sure if I've commented before, oh well, lol.
    Ah, I love Ben! So cute! And most certainly human nature!
    great entry and thanks for entering my contest

    -Rose


  • Whipper Snapper silver member
    August 5

    Edit | Reply
    Haha, this was a good one. Little boys are so funny about that stuff, aren't they? And the older ones like Daniel are just as bad! I was laughing the whole time. Good luck in the contest!


  • codename
    August 5

    Edit | Reply
    loool you had me cracking up. daniel is so funny and so is ben ahaha. nice work!!!! this is the first ever story on sw that made me laugh and this made me laugh so hard i cried. good thing i didnt go through this. ahaha

    ending: 5.


  • Jason Pulcher
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    Pretty nice job there. This was a rather humorous portrayal of the sex talk. I liked how you described Mr. Hall. It was good writing.


  • Blood Wolf
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    This was hilarious! I was laughing so hard while I read it. The nervous father, the unhelpful son, and the curious younger brother. So funny. I loved your characters, they were so realistic. And the mother's outburst at the end was the icing on the cake. Thank you for entering my contest, and great job with this story!

    beginning: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Elms Apprehended
    July 28
    Edit | Reply
    “Just videos of peanuts, Ben.” Daniel asked. “Just videos of peanuts.” I seriously just laughed my ass off. Hilarious.


  • hsmlover1
    July 26
    Edit | Reply
    HAILERIOUS one word that best describes your work!!! This was what i was ooking for well done and good luck in my contest

    HSM


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    July 26
    Edit | Reply
    hahahah that was friggen funny as! lol


  • Cecilia Marlana
    July 25

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my goodness. You made me giggle when he started talking about peanuts. I felt like Daniel there, laughing my head off! Ha, great job. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Good luck in my contest!

    -Fallen, AKA Wildstar-


  • flowerbee1234
    July 25
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that really was hilarious! Lol Good job writing haha. very humurous


  • Love Dreamer
    July 25
    Edit | Reply
    LOL!!!!!!!! That was hilarious, I would have been Daniel laughing under the table, little kids are so funny. Haha Good story.

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