Not Special

Meg1

"'Cause I'm not special but it would help to know that someone thinks I am."2

I know that's not possible though. I am not really worthy of anyone's notice, or attention. No matter how hard I try, it never really works out. Even if someone seems to like me, they always want something. At least in my experience. That or they all leave eventually. Sure I'm fine for people to get to know, but once they do, they decide they don't like me anymore and just slowly drop out of my life. Or they leave fast and suddenly. Either way, they leave and I am once again alone. I try so hard for everyone, and try to please, but no one seems to notice. They just appear to believe that it is my nature, and they take me completely for granted. I mean, I through two of my friends a surprise birthday party this year, none of them the wiser to what was going on. And it was a great party. Everyone had fun. But hardly anyone thanked me and when my birthday rolled around what happened to me? No one did anything for me. No cards, no presents, nothing. I mean, we got my friend, Alice, an Ipod for her birthday but me? Nothing. No one notices how hard it is sometimes to be kind and understanding. They don't get that maybe I would like some appreciation and kindness once in a while. It's all right I guess. I don't deserve to be noticed...I don't deserve any of it. I put on a brave face with everyone, so they don't see. I don't want their pity or their sympathy. I don't deserve it. They have bigger and more important problems than I do so why should I burden them with mine? Even when I do try to talk to them, most of the time they are too busy or just aren't interested in what I have to say. My problems are trivial to them. So I just don't bother anymore. I am everyone else's support system but I have no one to talk to myself. There is no one. I am completely alone.3

Jason4

Here she comes again, Meg Flier. Every time she comes into a room, she brightens it up with her smile and...her very presence. It seems like happiness surrounds her, and she spreads it wherever she goes. I smile at her as she takes her seat beside me and she smiles back. I watch her, and wish that she would look my way again. I love her eyes. They are hazel, but a nice mix of green and brown, with gold flecks, and sometimes, it looks like sparkles of blue. I look around and notice that, almost unconsciouly, everyone is leaning towards Meg. Class hasn't started yet, so we are all talking, laughing among ourselves. And everyone keeps glancing to Meg at least once, everyone leans toward her, and, though they sometimes talk over her, they do value her opinion. We were all impressed when she threw the surprise party for our two friends, Alice and Kelly. She pulled everything together, managed it all, and arranged a great cover story so none of the girls even suspected a thing. It was amazing. I feel kind of bad that we didn't do anything for her, but there were so many birthdays at once, and unfortunately she got lost in the crowd. Oh well, next year I will try to make her birthday the greatest. She deserves it, for how kind and gentle and understanding she is to everyone. We all feel that we can tell her just about anything, which is an amazing trait. Some of us after all are quieter than others, and more shy. Yet she manages to draw us all out and is a friend to everyone. She can hardly go anywhere without seeing someone she knows and she is always friendly.5

Our teacher comes in and I have to pull my scrutiny away from the beautiful young woman beside me. She pushes her dark brown hair away from her eyes and her face takes on a look of intense concentration. She always tries her best in school, even with limited free time. After all, she volunteers, does homework, is in all the school plays, babysits and plays sports. She hardly has time for anything else and yet she always looks so fresh and enthusiastic. Even when we can tell she is clearly tired, she only snaps occasionally and, though she can be impatient, her patience stretches further than most peoples'. She always does what needs to be done and doesn't let anyone stand in her way. She takes over if things go wrong even though whenever she's around things just seem to go right. 6

The teacher calls on me, and I quickly look to her. Time enough to think about the wonder that is Meg Flier later. I have to focus on school work for now.