Diary 9

Well, she did it again. Cancelled on me. Twice in one week too. I wanted to go see her and visit her in the hospital, but of course no. I mean, she wanted me to come. She said, "Sure, I would love it." or something along those lines. Bull shit. Remind me never to trust anyone. I mean, the first day, she just said that thursday would be better for her. I accepted. I'm easy going, I'm laid back. I'm a fricken RUG but that's okay. So, yeah. I was going to go see her yesterday when I get a text that she just isn't up for visitors. Well at least she told me before I got there and then got told she didn't want to see me. Hey I understand that she is going through some difficult crap. I respect that she is trying to get better. So if she doesn't want to see me, I won't push. But I'm tired. I try and I try and I try. I don't know if she didn't want to see me specifically or just really didn't want anyone. But I want to be her friend and I'm tired of asking permission. If she wants me, maybe she should reach out and let me know. 1

I should have known she was gonna cancel on me, should have known that I wouldn't end up seeing her. I want to, but why? Honestly? Am I just trying to hold together a friendship that is already stretched to the breaking point? Am I trying to patch and sew something back together that has been patched and sewn so many times already it's shrinking into nothing? Can I fix us? Should I even bother to try?