Amit was a fourteen-year old boy who had stepped out of his village for the first time. Before this, he had never seen beyond the horizon of the mountains. He wanted to try out his luck in some big Indian city. Maybe, he would become an actor like Amitabh Bachchan, or maybe a singer like Jagjit Singh. It was fame, that he wanted. It was Mumbai, he needed to go.1
It took him three days (and half of his life's earnings), to reach Mumbai. As he was wandering around, he saw a huge building with a signboard saying 2
"Aspiring Actors walk in".3
"Well", he thought. "This is it".4
He walked up to the receptionist.5
"I would like to become an actor".6
"Oh! I see", said the receptionist who had never seen a shabbier person. "An actor, you say? Well, do you have a good enough wardrobe?"7
"A what robe?" asked Amit who was hearing this phrase for the first time.8
"Okay, forget that", said the receptionist. "How much are you going to gives as bribe?"9
Now, this was really shocking for Amit. Yet, he replied, "50 rupees, sir. That's all I have."10
Sure enough, he was thrown out of the building. He could have made a great Actor. Who knows?11
He slept in a dhaba (inn) that night. But, the next three days, he had to sleep on the platform at the railway station. He was not content, sleeping under the stars.12
The next day, he walked into Mumbai's biggest Music Production. 13
"I would like to sing", he said.14
Just then, the manager walked in.15
"Okay, bring your Rock band for Auditions tomorrow" he told Amit.16
"A what Rubber band?" he asked, for Amit had never heard of any form of music except for his own folk music.17
"Okay, forget that!", he said. Have you ever sung earlier?", asked the manager. 18
"Yes, in my village, I sing as I plough the fields", said Amit excitedly.19
He was once again, chucked out.20
As he was walking, cursing his luck, a truck came at full speed and knocked him. This is what the Mumbai traffic is like.21
The ambulance was called for......well, the Mumbai ambulance isn't too efficient. It took around twenty minutes for it to reach the spot. The truck driver who had hit Amit had run away.22
Amit finally regained conciousness after three days.23
"Where am I?", he asked.24
"This is the government hospital", said a man in a green coat.25
"I need to go home. My mother and sister must be very anxious", and ignoring all the bandages, he tried to get out of bed.26
He couldn't. He had no legs.27
"Ahhhhhhhh.....", yelled Amit.28
"Relax son. That's how life is. You need to move on."29
"No, why me?" said Amit, tears streaming down his face. He looked out of the night sky, staring at the stars. He could have been one of them. As he stared into space, he asked himself-30
"What is to become of me?"31
He had no answer......and looking out of the window, he cried away, and finally resigning himself to his fate, he fell asleep.32
In one moment, his dream of becoming a superstar, was crushed. A promise was killed. A rising star was thrown into the well of eternal darkness.33
Author notes
Please applaud this if u like it..........
I've changed the ending a bit!
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
-
Meany!
AAAAAAAAaaa!!! You're so mean!!!!! You like took this innocent boy and went "die!" Exept for the constant downslide, this was well written, & I like the last line event though it's kinda hard to understand.beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 2, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
-
well u really think that the things can go so bad in such a shrt duration? I agree that the life in mumbai is no different but, this was sad...one's emotions and dreams cannot be blown like that...there is someone called, 'god'
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, overall: 7, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 4.
-
Very good! I like it! Yey! You go!
Keep it up!
-
Ankeeta, u forget one thing! All the people here aren't aware of this sort of life. People are considered too valuable to lose. Here, a person, is just any other living being. If he dies, he dies. No, I haven't seen Page3. Is it good? People don't know the bollywood style, do they? LOL
And yeah, my aim was to make them aware of Life in India. I did mention this somewhere.
Thanx for the comment. -
...what a common thing...I hate when people shift to mumbai for no reason...even when they have relatives out here...silly brain think that would rock on in this glam city...without pains...people can see the glitters of this city but not the darker side it has....a similar view of this Mumbai and people's life I have pen down in my poem "the long sleep"!!
have you seen Page 3??/
?...well this is what Mumabi is all about
...and trust me its not a fake thing...such things really happen here and I have myself encountered such scandals!!
well about the story..its flows simple...am afraid to say but its kinda cliche in the begining...but i loved the twist in the end
...ekdum bollywood ishtyle
well short stories are really not my cup of tea :...and I must appreciate your efforts to write one here
keep on trucking
Ankita -
GIVING THIS IS A SHORT STORY, WELL ILLUSTRATED AND CAUGHT MY ATTENTION AND STAYED FOCUSED FROM START TO FINISH, GREAT JOB HERE
-
this i awesome
i think u should
continue this and
tell how he overcomes
this or uses it to help
others or w/e this great though
keep writing
never stop
~alone always -
Too much dialogue and not enough description--things just happen, but you don't go into any detail; you just tell what happens, instead of showing it.
"Ahhhhhhh...," sounds really weak. Spell it like this: "AHHHHHHH!!" -
What a sad and tragic ending for such a young boy. There was a lot of dialogue here. It would have been wonderful if there had been more background substance. A good write nonetheless.
-
this is a very sad piece. It is well written and really makes you think about the dreams that you someday wish to live. Good Write. keep it up.
~*TONYA*~ -
This is a wonderfully sad piece, which depicts the fragility of life and dreams very well, I do hope that you don't leaver ap, as good stories are like good wine, they are made for sharing!
-
Wait....that's it??? Noooo!!! I wanna know more....hurry up and write you cruel bastard Wonderful job!!!
-
WOW... This is an awesome story... It was definately intriguing... It caught my intrest from the first sentence... You did a great job!!!
Beth -
Truth to tell, life is like that to anyone niave enough to believe all their dreams would come true. Truly lovely piece of writing, and i hope to read more of your work. Blessings to you.
Tiphanie
p.s. i invite you to read some of my work and critique it, thanx a bunch.
Very gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooood job. -
Part 2 of He was lucky with a different ending.
-
MUCH BETTER!!! YAY!
I really liked the ending this way. It was so captivatingly sad and seems hopeless in a sense, but I know people who have gone on after this. This would make a very good book. If you were to feel that motivated. About hope and loss (legs) and the journy to find the man inside a boy without signifacant extremities. You did a very very good job on the alternate ending. Still, though, you need to describe Amit, and the places he went and stuff more. It is such a superb story. Write it down, hard copy, and put it away for a few weeks/months/years and go back and do more to it. Sometimes it takes time to see needed changes on our own work until it is new to our minds again. I applaud your story, the honesty and thought you put in this and expecially the reality of the events. This quote comes to my mine, "There are no guarentees in life, except for death." It makes me think that no matter how good we are or what we do, we cannot be guarenteed our dreams. I think you need to display the characters desire to sing and act more strongly. Add in some of his background. And this story will be even more superb. Inform me of any changes. I'd love to whitness the growth you make with this. Perhaps if you have time you will read one of my stories. It's on my page and it's called Screamed. It's a non fiction story. Let me know your honest opinion and ideas. This is if you want. Take care dear. Me-Meghan Marie -
ohhh you extended it...I had previously commented on it, but not on the new bit...the new bit improves on the previous ending where he is hit by the truck...here each and every hope and dream has been put more concretely in living consciousness...well done
-
I'm glad that u liked it mate.
-
excellent
this is a wonderful story of a young lad wanting to be come a star.. but how sad he did not get that chance..very nice ..enjoyed it with a few tears! -
Thank you so much for the encouragement....the ending has been changed completely.
Edited on Sep 10, 4:07 because 'typo'. -
Very Good
This was pretty good. I would like to read it again after you have expanded on it. Made this story more descriptive and precise. It was a wonderful start. A majority of the stories that are written when we are younger end end a three sentence line or so. It's a way of leaving the reader on an edge, but perhaps instead of cutting it off you might want to try leaving thought to end this short story. Also, keep in mind, that even short stories are not short. But again, this was a wonderful start, very very good. Let me know if you ever decide to do more with it. -
Very Good
This was pretty good. I would like to read it again after you have expanded on it. Made this story more descriptive and precise. It was a wonderful start. A majority of the stories that are written when we are younger end end a three sentence line or so. It's a way of leaving the reader on an edge, but perhaps instead of cutting it off you might want to try leaving thought to end this short story. Also, keep in mind, that even short stories are not short. But again, this was a wonderful start, very very good. Let me know if you ever decide to do more with it. -
Awwwww
This was touching poem that you've made Very wonderful to hear! I can tell your a creative and pure hearted person Thank you for sharing this piece God Bless!
oxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Sedusha
-
very well written... I didn't know that the life of a person in India didn't matter much.
I enjoyed it though and would like to read more of your work
-
i liked it, kinda weird.... a little short, but has a great meaning.
-
Life's like that, doesn't make sense. You have written this very well, with the unexpected ending.
-
Thank you for the story. It seems to be kind of sad, but it seems like a lot of confusion of the part of Amit for being so gullible...
Good story. -
I liked this because I thought, by the title that he was going to be lucky and he was going to be let in but he died, lol sarcastic.
Maria -
BRAVO!
VERY well written work....you've really wonderfully described the sorry state of people like Amit.Unfortunately,it is very true for large cities and there are many such 'lucky' Amits found everywhere. I liked the surprise ending here....gives the story quite an ironic twist.
You truly deserve an applause....here's mine other than which AP provides...LAP CLAP CLAP
Kepp writing
-
Well.........I mean applaud it only if u like it. But atleast comment on it or whatever.
-
Whats up with asking for applause?
-
This Lucky thing was sheer sarcasm........
-
mm.... interesting... tho the first word that jumps into my head is wierd.. no offence... it kinda moved almost too fast... before u can get a feel of his yearning he is dead... but I guess that is what India is like... but according to me... even sleeping under the stars in better than getting hit by a truck... its not a very pleasant experience... and I wouldnt call him lucky... besides that.. I liked the idea.. the theme of the whole thing... u have my applause fot that one amazing thought...
-
My friend, u don't know what India is......a promise, an aspiring star is wasted like this.........this is what i wanted to show here.
-
mm Not sure about this one the ending is a little too simplistic not enough drama for a story of this kind try to rewrite the ending and it will become a much better story
-
the ending was totally unexpected. I felt very sorry for him.
-
Too bad no-one ever game him a chance. But though sad, I guess the ending is a happy one for him
-
What I meant was that this guy was just another of those ordinary guys who thought he would be one of those biggies.............and look at that end he had.
I never said he failed, he could have gone on and become a great actor......he just never got that chance. He was just another wasted talent. -
I don't agree with the end.Many people come to Mumbai and struggle throughout their lives.Some become sucessful some don't.Struggling is not suffering.It is a challenge.
-
I'm sorry i didnt comment. I clicked it by accident!! sorry, but here is an applaud anyway!!!!
Sorry about the confusion.
<3 Lindzii -
Aaaaaw OMG, What a twist at the end...This is soo sad and heart wrenching story... though its a fact... In India once born in a poor family, its so hard to come out of that circle... it is almost impossible... and there's no gadget made yet that can calculate the talent India must have lost... India must devise a system where everyone has an equal opportunity... wish all the bureaucrats could read this story ... you've done a good job... though it's short but to the point and has a hidden message... I love short stories... thanx for sharing...
mina -
hmmm, Ploughing fields as a boy, looking for work in the big city. Getting nocked over. To be honest, in a way he is lucky, but i was kind of hoping that he would get what he wanted in the end, a pretty cool job or something. Oh well
-
Brilliant but Heartbreaking!
Dont even ask for applause.It is rightfully yours.The poem made me laugh and then that ending made me want to cry.Clever use of word play and imagery is magnificent. -
Fantastic Albus...the last line clinched the deal...half dead is sorrier than full dead..Death is beautiful if gotten fast and speedy..and is a torture if it is slow and labouring...
Bombay boasts of one of the best traffic systems in India..and the sadness is that your main protagonist lacks civic sense..in terms of Traffic Signals..I guess...I opine
But the reality is that corruption is rife...Fame counts...Relationships of famed persons account in this City of Dreams..and Nightmare...
A metaphor...keep moving or you will get knocked down=Shubs -
shocking! imagine how the elite in India marginalize the 'unpopular' many...
-
Excellent work, filled with emotion!!!
Albus, What a great story and though some find the ending sad it was a happy ending. Yes Amit's suffering ended quickly as he went to the great beyond probably never knowing what hit him. Fellow starhiker this tale you told filled me with emotion as you see people like this in our world everywhere.
Only thing is many of them go on suffering so again I say Amit was lucky. Thank you for sharing and keep up your excellent work. Joyce
-
Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pathetic ....Amit died on the spot. He was lucky.
Nothing more ...... I applaud!!
manoj -
Happy ending doesn't always happen, but in a way it was one for Amit, he would have ended up living on the streets, begging for Rupis from strangers going by, never getting enough to go back home, never dearing to do so either. Great story! Something tells me that this could happen, and probably has done so already. You deserve an applause for this story, Albus! Sorry I didn't have time to read it earlier...
-
Superb!!!
You know what? shivers ran down my spine as I read the last line - the whole thing quite hillarious as it went, and then. Udit, you never fail to surprise people. A very wonderful story although very sad and shocking in the end, you have done this very well. Bravo!!!, and yet it DEFINITELY goes with an applause!!!
Love and light, let you ink flow the way it does...always!
Lencio -
excellent
ah yes you definetly need and get an applause in every way my friend lothere ya are ..l -
but how is he lucky?Poor thing..I was hoping tht Amit would get wht he desired..well anyway its nice story witha messge..Well!!lots of talents are being wasted these days because of money..Good luck..and here is your applause..
-
I was hoping for a happy ending, and I wasn't disappointed. While it is not totally polite to actually ASK for applause, I'll make an exception in this case.. in memory of Amit.
Cool story.
Adding your comment:
1 - 52 of 52
14 old applause
