Tate wondered the forest, her cubs close at her side, as she trudged through the thick blanket of snow. When the thick grey clouds would part above her in the Great Sky the sun would sparkle on the snow and send blinding white rays of light into her eyes. 1
She shouldn’t be up-wouldn’t be up-if it wasn’t for the disturbance in her home. Now Tate had to find a new place for herself and her cubs, Yuma and Meli.2
And fast.3
Tate was hungry and she knew that for her young cubs it was worse, but as she looked around, she did not-could not-find any trace of anything edible. All the food had gone away for the winter and the snow covered the grass and coated the bushes that held her favorite berries, but she doubted that those same bushes that thrived in summer would be practically dead now-just like everything else in this waste land.4
In the Great Sky the clouds clumped together again and around her snow began to fall. She moved faster-desperately. Tate kept looking back nervously at her cubs thinking that with each step one of them would disappear into the snow forever. She loved her cubs tenderly-like a human mother loves her baby- Tate would do anything for her cubs to make sure they were safe even if that meant risking her own life in the process.5
Finally in the distance Tate found a large grey structure that looked so much like a cave. Home. .6
Her heart ached.7
There were no trees around it. As a matter of fact there were many of these structures all around.8
Confused Tate walked forward trampling through the snow. She was surprised when she slipped across a hard thick surface and looked down. It was grey.9
Grey? Was it some kind of strange grass?10
She continued forward and sniffed around the cave. There was something about it that smelled funny-different, but a warmth she longed for drifted out from inside it. She began to scratch at the building trying to find a way inside as her cubs whimpered behind her.11
Suddenly a loud bang filled Tate’s ears. She dropped becoming instantly defensive and moved to her cubs.12
They cowered behind her.13
A tall strange creature walked around the cave and stopped next to it. He was holding something long and black. 14
One look at Tate and his eyes filled with terror.15
Fear spiked in Tate too. She had seen these strange creatures before-sometimes. They stalked through the trees in the forest making so much terrible noise.16
Tate roared, but it didn’t faze the strange creature.17
Instead he raised his long black object.18
Her eyes widened. She had seen something like it before too-right before her mate, Keme, had disappeared.19
Forgetting her instinct to fight, Tate dropped to all fours and pushed her cubs back disappearing into the trees afraid and without a home.20
Author notes
Bear
A contest entry
- Oh, my!! - Contest by Barbara.
800 points, ended July 28, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Family Stories--Big Points! by JJBanReo.
1800 points, ended August 1, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Good
Not quite the level of writing I'm hoping for, but you're way ahead of your peers in creative writing. Good Luck
JJbeginning: 2, language: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 1, characters: 3.
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To start off with, the background makes the font hard to read (some of the stock backgrounds are not reader friendly, really
)
The story is a good one, and your imagery is good. The descriptions used were great... likek it was visualized as I read
A few technical things, though -
Paragraph 4... second sentence is a run on, and too long to make the impact you're looking for.
I found the - to be overused in places... , and there seems to be an extra . at the end of paragraph 6.
Overall, a good story with an ending I wasn't expecting, but was glad to read instead of what I thought would happen.
Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest.
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A good story that ended too quickly but nicely written. Good luck in the contest.


beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


