1
She looked behind her as she continued to run down the deserted street. Her breathing got rougher as she saw him chasing after her. The moon light was bouncing off a long butcher knife that he held firmly in his hand. 2
She looked back in front of her as she tried to make her already tired legs to go faster. Tears were blinding her emerald eyes. Why was this happening to her now? Her mind raced as she was trying to remember what she must have done to deserve this.3
She turned a hard left into a dark alleyway. Graffiti covered every inch of the brick walls. Gangsters marking their territory, she thought. It shocked her that she was thinking about normal stuff like graffiti on a wall during a time like this. Her hurried footsteps echoed off the walls. Her once white shoes were soaked all the way to her socks as she splashed through puddle after puddle. Her breathing was getting heavier as her lungs protested. She couldn’t stop now, not when she was still ahead.4
She dared to take a quick glance behind her. She couldn't see him anymore. The alley was empty as it was before she came through there. That doesn't meaning anything, she kept thinking. She didn't think she was smart enough to lose him that easily. What was he up too? There had to be a trap somewhere near.5
She hurried all the way down to the end of the alley. She stopped shortly when she reached the street. She had no clue where she was. Everything always looked different in the dark. She didn't recognize any of the stores. People walked past her and stared at her as though she was some homeless person. A mother pulled her son and daughter closer and quickly walked past Selene.6
Her temper rose as everyone raised their eyebrows as they looked at her. She must have looked worse than she had thought. She looked down at her clothes. Her converses were caked with red dirt. Her tight black pants that she bought yesterday were torn and bloody. It was the same story with her bright blue shirt. She felt like a homeless person.7
She walked over to one of the display windows featuring new flat screen televisions. She had a craze look about her. Her eyes were swollen from tears and punches that she received earlier that day. Her fierce red hair was tangled with twigs sticking out as if some bird had made a nest on her head. Bruises of all color stood out on her pale white face.8
She looked away with more tears spilling out. She didn't recognize that broken girl in her reflection. Why was everything in her life going wrong today? She was a good person. None of this should be happening to a good and innocent woman. Yesterday was such a normal day. 9
"Selene! Selene, over here," a voice called out behind her. Selene turned and to her relief and surprise, it was Leko.10
He stood there across the street with his hand held high to signal her to come over. His long black hair covering half of his face was still wet from the rain earlier today. His dark grey shirt was tight enough to show his rippling muscles. He looked like a rock god to her. She immediately rushed across the street and into his opening arms. He held onto her tightly. His face was resting on the top of her head.11
Suddenly all her fears melted away as she listened to his calm heartbeat. Everything was going to be all right now. She was with him and he was going to protect her from any harm. 12
"Leko! Oh my god, I...I..." She didn't know what to say. Today felt like a dream to her. Before today, she would have never found herself in Leko's arms. Before now, she didn’t think Leko knew that she existed. For a year and a half, she daydreamed about being with Leko. 13
She wanted to be the one he talked to everyday and now all of a sudden he was wrapping his arms around her as though they were dating for that year and a half.14
“Shh…Selene. You are in shock. Relax, love,” he cooed. “All is well, you just haven’t relieved it yet.” She nodded and dug her face into his soft hair. It smelled like wood to her.15
Her thoughts traveled back earlier that day. She had woke up with her arms and legs tied together and her mouth ducted taped. Someone had sat her down by the side of her bed. Her mother was lying on the floor with multiple stab wounds on her chest. Selene’s scream was muffled as she stared into the empty eyes that used to dance with joy. She didn't know where her father was but her hopes weren't high that he might still be alive. 16
She wanted to be dead then and there. Everyone she truly loved was gone. She didn’t think she could handle living in the world alone. She didn’t have anyone to talk to. No friends, no other family members, no one. She was alone now.17
She tore her eyes off her mother to see a man sitting on her rocking chair. He slowly rocked back and forth with a butcher knife resting on his lap. It was still dripping blood. On his face was a black ski mask. His eyes...his eyes were the only thing she saw.18
"Selene! You have to talk to me! You can’t hold all those memories and feelings to yourself. I want to feel what you are feeling right now. I need to understand before…" Leko's worried voice broke through her disturbed thoughts. She didn’t even realize that he didn’t finish his sentence. Her eyes looked into Leko's face.19
She raised her hand and brushed his hair out of his eyes. She had to know. She needed to make to reassure herself that he wasn’t the killer. A gasp escaped from her mouth. They were the same eyes, she was sure of it. They were the same light brown eyes. Though his face looked all worried, his eyes were telling a different story. They were hard and cold but there was a hint of…thoughtfulness perhaps.20
Selene started to pull away from him. Her mind was all confused. She never did anything to him. She never even talked to him, not once. This couldn't be right. From everything she had heard of Leko, he was good. He worked in a retirement home and helped the old and disabled people every day, even weekends. He couldn't have been the same person that killed her family and had tried to kill her just a moment ago.21
He's wearing different clothes, the little voice in her mind tried to say. Yeah that's right. Different clothes meaning different person. There wasn’t enough time for him to change into a completely different outfit and wave to her in two minutes. It wasn’t plausible. 22
Light brown eyes were a common color for eyes. There had to be a thousand people with those eyes. She so desperately wanted to believe that it wasn’t him. She wanted him to be her prince charming that saved her. Maybe his eyes were cold because he knew someone had hurt her and he wanted to hurt them. That has to be it, she thought. She relaxed. She was just jumpy was all.23
"Come here, love." Leko grabbed hold of her arm and gently pulled her closer to him. "It's ok. You are safe now. Come on. Let's go for a walk. You will forget all about today real soon. I promise you that."24
Leko forced her to walk down the street with him. Even though she didn’t think he was the killer, she still couldn’t help being a little hesitated over the whole situation. Something was odd about him suddenly showing up and calling her ‘love’. 25
Selene looked desperately around to catch someone’s eye. Pleading for help through her eyes. She had a sudden urge to scream for help. But why? She shook her head. It wasn’t even the next day and already she was going down the road of insanity. 26
Leko looked over in time to see her shaking her head. He was worried about her. He had been following her around for a year and a half. He was trying to protect her from herself. She was living through her childhood again. It was eight years since her parents were actually killed. She was thinking that it had just happened. He couldn’t remember the disorder that caused this sudden time shift in her mind but he was well informed about her past. He did his homework. He knew more about her than she was aware of.27
He steered her down a small neighborhood street. It was completely deserted. Everyone was sleeping comfortable in their beds. The two walked in silence, lost in their own dark thoughts as they made their way down the lonely street toward the small park behind the houses.28
Leko brought her to this little park because this park was the first place he ever set eyes on her. He always brought them to the place he saw them. It was how he worked. He thought it was fitting in a way. 29
Leko stopped her by the oldest tree in the park. It was a Weeping Willow. His hand gentle touched the trunk. He couldn’t help but be a tree lover. His grandfather always complained about how strange Leko was. Leko full-heartedly agree with him. 30
He turned toward Selene and made her face him and look him in the eyes. Her eyes were screaming out at him. She was scared. He could feel her shivering under his touch even though it wasn’t cold. What was he going to do with her?31
“There was a man,” Selene began. “He killed my family and he is planning to kill me. I don’t understand. I don’t know why he wants to.”32
“Yes I know. He killed your father and mother,” he replied. Selene looked at him with shock.33
“How did you know that?” Leko grabbed hold of her shoulders and shook her. 34
“This happened eight years ago. You are reliving your horrid past. You are fine. This is all in your head. Your clothes look new. Your hair is cleaned and your face is as beautiful as before. A friend of yours told me what you had gone through. I’m here to help you get over this.” He finished with a smile. She was all confused.35
“No,” she whispered. “No! That is not right. This just happened. I saw my mother’s dead body in front of me! I saw the man sitting on my bed. I felt his knife scrap against my skin!” She was yelling now. Slowly she was backing away from him. He was the crazy one. “I know what happened today!”36
Leko shook his head in frustration. Why couldn’t she just take his word for it? This would be so much easier. She took a step closer to her but she jumped back. He cocked his head to the side as though he was confused.37
“What’s the matter Selene? You have nothing to fear of me.” He held up his hands up in front of him to show he meant no harm to her. She’s so stubborn, he thought darkly. Selene took another step back. 38
“You never talked to me before now. How do I know you are not the killer?” She was having a pounding headache now; it was making it hard for her to think clearly anymore.39
“You don’t. But I’m begging you, I am not. This happened eight years. I have always wanted to talk to you. I would watch you in the distance, wanting to be one sitting beside you. I was a chicken though. I didn’t have the guts to talk to a pretty girl like you.40
“You have the looks of the lady in red. You’re long blood red hair, those cat-like eyes, and your slender body. I wanted you to be mine so badly.” He made his eyes water up to make her believe him. It worked.41
She completely forgot her suspicions about him. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. She placed her head on his shoulder. My prince charming, she thought.42
Suddenly there was a sharp pain on her side. She turned to look into Leko’s eyes. They were dancing in humor. She opened her mouth to scream but he dug and twisted his knife into her, cutting her off.43
He slowly went down to his knees and held her in his arms.44
“Shhh now love. I am helping you with your problem like I said before. With you dead, you have to worry about nothing.” He smiled her sweetly. “I am sorry about killing your mother this morning. She didn’t want me anywhere near you. As for your father, well, he was bad man. He wouldn’t let me talk to you. I had to take matters into my own hands.45
“I have been wanting to talk to you for such a long time, but your family and friends kept getting in my way. I had to let you know that I love you.” He brushed a strand of hair out of her wet eyes.46
“Why?” Selene choked out. Leko twisted the knife again.47
“Don’t talk love. It will hurt worst if you do. I loved you so much I have to kill you, you see? I have to feel the life come out of your body and into mine. I needed to see the light go out of your eyes and have it travel into mine.” He bent over so his face was closer to his.48
“Tell me that you love me,” he whispered to her. “Let it be the last thing you ever said.” Selene looked at him in hatred. Leko took the knife out and plunged into her side again. More pain shock through her body. Her teeth grinded together. She was never going to say it.49
“Selene please. Look what I am doing for you. My hands are stained with love not blood. I’m doing this for you.” He bent down and kissed her. Her lips were cold. She died kissing him. 50
He looked into her empty eyes for a while. They were beautiful like that. Her cold skin was soothing to him. He heard someone coming up behind him. He didn’t even bother looking to see how it was, he already knew. The stranger stopped behind him and looked over Leko’s shoulder. 51
“Killed another one, I see,” a voice of an old man said. He sighed. Leko looked up at him as though they were talking about food.52
“I like to see the light go out. Is that so bad?”53
“I guess I see your point. She is more beautiful like that. Come on son. We’ll find you another girl. Bring her along. No need to waste delicious meat. I didn’t pick up any dinner so she’ll make a good substitute.”54
“Yes grandfather. Whatever you say.” Leko picked up the body and followed the old man across the park to the butcher house.55
Author notes
EyeOfTheBlizzard gets credit to because he help write half of this for me.
Yesterday while I was in the library I was listening to Hang On by Seether and it inspired me to write this because one of the lines was, "My hands are stained with love." Gears in my head started to roll.
Leko has been bouncing around in my head and I figured I should see how he will do.
I'm actually planning to do a short story series with Leko as the main character. He's real interesting and I have a lot of great ideas with him. So definitely tell me what you think of Leko.
Hang On by Seether
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHSfgtTCg5Y
In a list
- The Literary Oscars group list • next in list
A contest entry
- I want your best...Story!!! by Le Masquerade.
180 points, ended July 28, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Critique by Sunless Spirit.
100 points, ended July 26, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Unpredictable by keepItLit9109.
600 points, ended July 28, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want the most entries EVER by Everpurple.
400 points, ended October 30, 221 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by amanda vampiress.
350 points, ends December 5, 173 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Amything Goes 2! by UsagiDreams.
115 points, ended August 9, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Three Options by Miss Recondite.
140 points, ended October 25, 61 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Chiller by Bloody-Ink.
325 points, ended August 27, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Your Best Short Stories by lesbian-in-love.
1000 points, ended September 4, 63 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Beginning Luck by tallblondie.
800 points, ended October 8, 66 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think of Leko?
Comments
-
hooooly crap. i love it! gosh he's twisted though.
-
IS HE LIKE SOME SORT OF ANIMAL? THE STROY WAS KINDA CONFUSING, BUT I REALLY LIKED IT!!!!! ;D
-
-
You might say Leko is an animal.
-
-
My reactions... xD
First paragraph (well.. it's less than 5 sentences, so ... I dunno if it's a paragraph
), but yeah, I'd say that some strong imagery could be put into the game. The long butcher knife could be illustrated as the "the moonlight was bouncing off of the stainless steal of the long butcher knife".
Or you could join p2 and p3 together to create some continuous action.
Wow never mind. p3 - love her show of anxiety! (Makes me feel like I'm watching a horror flick xD) I totally agree with p5!!! There's always a trap... or something that will make her slip and fall (but I hope that this is different). The girl's name is Selene? Wows. Okay *continues to read* p7 - Oooo! Nice imagery! (And the character's response as well *gives a thumbs up*) p8 -- DAMN! (Again - kudos for the imagery! And it's a nice way to partly explain what's up.) Hmmm... Leko seems to be like an okay person... (Very normal - the collaboration of the characters = I likey! 
) p15-AWWWW! p17- looks like you're trying to explain what's up... and I'm anxiously waiting to see why her family's all dead... (is it Leko?! o_0) p18-WOW! Can't wait to see if it's a friend dressed as a foe! p21-22= whoo! I feel her paranoia! p27-Interesting way to bring up the fact that she's stuck in her head 
p36- she felt his knife "scrap" or "scrape" against his knee? (Lol, forgive me for beeing picky! I just love the plot line :3) p40-Awwww ^___^ p41-OH SNAP. I just forgot that he's actually a psychopath...! p45-Wow... so he was the killer, then?
Beautiful! It was beautiful! The surprise ending got to me xD
As for Leko... bring up how he was raised. That'd be something interesting to see/read. ^____^
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
I did not see that coming!!!!!!!!!!! Leko...
Naughty bastard
-
Oh wow. This chilled me, very very captivating. Nicely written and very interesting. I could feel Selene's frustration and the tension. Almost as if I were there. Amazing. But now, I don't really want to be a butcher shop anymore.
-- Schuyler -
This was really good I like how it turned out. Though I don't know if I would want to go near a butcher house after this. Thanks for entering and good luck! As for Leko he is one decieving character that I think would make a good story with as well not just a short story.
-
You have a good story here. It has tension, twists and good characters. I do have some suggestions to help make it better though.
Eight out of the first nine paragraphs start with She. Rework the sentences to eliminate that.
In the third paragraph you say; Why was this happening to her now? As opposed to when? Drop the word now, it will read better.
I think seven and eight could be combined into something like this:
The alley dumped her into a street that was as foreign to her as the Rue de Madeline in Paris would be if she lived long enough to visit there. Catching her reflection in a store window, she was shocked at her appearence. Her new blue shirt and black pants were torn and bloody.
You might want to start paragraph ninteen with: Leko shook Selene till her eyes refocosed on the here and now. It will help in the transition from the flashback to the present.
In thirty seven I think you meant to say He took a step closer to her...
In thirty nine change it so it shows how she feels instead of telling it: The pounding in her head was like two wrecking balls slamming into each other behind her eyes.
Forty five brings up a plot problem. Leko has earlier stated to himself that her parents died eight years ago and now he tells her that he killed them that day. I'd stick with his earlier version and rewrite like this: “Shhh now love. I am helping you with your problem like I said before. I'm going to send you to a place where you won't ever have to be scared again. Grandfather should have done this eight years ago when he killed your parents, but I'm glad he didn't. Look at me, Selene. I need to see your eyes."In fifty I would change the last line to: She died with his lips pressed to hers.
You would also have to change they last few paragraphs. how about something like:
"It's finally finished," an old voice said in the darkness.
Leko sighed as if he had just lovingly completed restoring an old car. "You were right about the eyes, Grandfather. It was amazing."
The old man looked down at Selene's limp body. "She grew up to be pretty than her ma. Well, no need to waste good meat. Bring her along boy."
"Yes grandfather. Whatever you say." Leko picked up the body and followed the old man across the park to the butcher house.
I hope my suggestions helped you. I'll be interested in seeing the next draft. Bobbeginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
-
-
oh wow haha just when I thought I was getting better at this... Thank you very much. With your point outs, I'm sure this story can meet it's full potential.
-
-
I'm positive you'll do a great job on the next draft. Writing is an art and takes lots of practice. A couple of books that have helped me tremendously are; Between The Lines by Jessica Morrell and The Fire In Fiction by Donald Maass. See if your local library has them.
-
-
hmmm I'll check them out the next time I go there. I'm guessing it's tips and stuff right?
-
-
It's more than tips. They're both indepth guides to better writing. Donald Maass owns one of the top agencies in the business and Jessica Morrell is an author and a writing teacher. I recomend them to anyone who wants to write.
-
-
Cool thanks. ^_^
-
-
You are more than welcome. I hope you get as much out of them as I did.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Very Nice
That was a very interesting twist, although I have to admit I sort of guessed it
. I thought Selene and Leko were fairly interesting characters, but I would've liked it if you had used more descriptions. Elaborate on Leko's character, as well as Selene's. It seemed to me as though both had the same voice, like two thoughts in one head. It would help if you distinguished one from the other, so the reader doesn't get confused. There were a lot of sentence issues I noticed, but they were repetitive, so I'll only mention a few:
"Her mind was all confused" the word 'all' should be omitted, it is unnecessary.
"This happened eight years" the word 'ago' should be added at the end. Making it 'this happened eight years ago'.
"All is well, you just haven’t relieved it yet." That didn't quite make sense to me.
Also, I thought the structure of the piece was a bit off for me. Your character Leko was sweet, then sadistic, then sweet again. I realize he was simply trying to make her believe that he truly wished to help her, but the whole thing was a bit confusing. It's just something to mull over, nothing you need to change if you don't wish to :]
Thank you for entering, and good luck!
Bloody Ink
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
-
-
thank you so much for your helpful tips ^_^ God knows I need all the help i can get. lol Thanks for hosting the contest. I'm glad that I entered.
-
-
...omg.
Butcher...? wtf?
Great story, though.
Congrats, finalist!
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
-
Very well written, I think that the characters are brilliant, well done. Good luck in the contest.
-
I love this story!!! Even I thought for a minute Leko was the good guy. One of the best short stories I've read on here in a while.!
-
-
thanks. ^_^ I actually had to go back through and improve it. I just finish fixing all the grammars and add extra description and more on Leko's dark thoughts. I really enjoy writing about him.
-
-
ha-ha-ha holy crap! It hink leko's a psychopath, that's what I think! Lol. That was a very...interesting story! I really did enjoy it. The twisted, dark, and deep humorous minds are always the funniest.
If you want to make the story better, try working on dialouge. Make the characters have their own words they use. I couldn't help but notice that most of the characters have the same kind of sound to their voices, like one person talking instead of three. But this is just a suggestion.
I loved it! Thank's for entering! -
-
Thanks. ^_^ I'll definitely work on their voices. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate it.
-
-
I love everything about this--it's what I asked for, and you made the story so real. Nicely done!
-
Great Story
I liked it soooooooo much and do you know, i fear gangsters very much. I started reading it and it kept me till the end. You said in a comment that you will write more short stories, well i can't wait to read more from you
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
-
-
Thank you for reading and commenting. ^_^ I'm already half way done with the next short story. I think it's coming along quite nicely.
-
-
Holy crap! I don't even now how to explain Leko. He's the kind of killer I'd be afraid of to read about but would HAVE to read. I mean, he butchers them up afterwards to sell for food or something? Freaky! I'd read whatever else you wrote about Leko. Great story!
-
-
Thank you. ^_^ I'm already working on two more with him in the leading spot. They should be up sometime this week. I really enjoy Leko. I had him in my mind for quite awhile and he actually started getting into my dreams so I really needed to tell his life story and all that. I'm glad you enjoy him as much as I do.
-
-
Loved It!
Wow, that was really good. When i 1st started reading it, it reeled me in and kept me there throughout the entire story.It had suspence and everything all mixed up in between. I loved it. I think u shuld continue, get those gears turning again. U culd seriously think of a few more good chapters 4 this, mayb a story if u really have the imagination and charsma.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Thanks. ^_^ my boyfriend and I are already cracking down on the next two short stories with Leko in the lead. I thought it would be neat to do a short story series. Quicker to write and don't get as many writers blocks each is always a plus.
-
-
WOW!!! I love twisted horror stories! This was great! I loved the plot and everything mixed in really well. Thanx for entering my contest, good luck
Adding your comment:
