Well I told ya, okay I hinted that I knew what I was gonna do with that there roll of film in my last write, "What A Day".1
I scarpered off to the glue pot after downing the noodles, mushrooms an' burned toast. Okay, so I aint no master chef, alright?2
Washed down with a cuppa Bell Tea, the one with the ring around flavour. Dun know about that, but it left a ring around the inside of the cup! Maybe that is what they meant when they sing the ditty on the tele.3
Got to the pub just in time for me to shout, as usual, so I got us all a jug and began puttin' my case to Bullocky an' Buck. I told 'em about findin' the film an' about how I thought we should get it developed, then check out the contents to see if there was any value in them, if ya know what I mean. I was reckonin' that if there were any spicy pichas we could sorta relieve the owner of a few bob so that they could keep their name all saint like.4
After a bit of gum mashin' and a couple more jugs each of Doc. Speight's Dark Ale, I knew I had won. Those two always were easy suckers for a fast buck an' this case was no 'ception. So I put the scheme to bed 'til after the film was developed, an' then we'd go from there. 5
A couple of days later I picked up the pichas from the chemist, (he gets them developed, that'd be the drug store to you forrun guys), and headed for the rubbity-dub with them still sealed in m' hot little hand.6
Bullocky an' Buck had bin there mosta the afternoon and were flying three sheets into the wind but with still enough marbles to judge what we were lookin' at.I lined up a couple of shots of the Captain an' a handle of Dark to chase 'im with and began peeling back the tape holding the enveloped closed.Ya coulda heard a pin drop at our table an' the boys' eyes were stickin' out like the proverbial dogs you know whats.7
Well tie me down an' tickle m' arse witha feather, these here pichas were just what we were wantin'. They featured our Host, the camp owner, in some very compromising positions to say the least. Mind you I'll say this for him, he had a set of crown jewels that any prince would be more than happy to have supporting his kingdom. An' by God! His rod! I've seen plenty of horses matin' an' I reckon this fella could hold 'is own in any siring paddock!I had ta put one of 'em turniquet thingys around Buck's neck for ta stop 'im from bleedin' ta death from tha eyes while he wis looking at tha pichas!8
Hokay! Hokay! I'll tell ya 'bout the pichas!9
There was the camp boss in all his mornin' glory with some of dem cannery factry girls. I told you they were real lookers. Butter wouldn't melt in their mouth, but by God it would sure melt somewhere else if these pichas were anything to go by! We soon had a crowd of the local lads around our table. All doin' the wink-wink nudge-nudge 'n' grinnin' from ear ta ear.10
I soon talked B & B into payin' the camp boss a visit, so of we waddled with our little prize pics safely secreted away up my jumper.We arrived at the camp office to find mine host layed back in his t8999 chair, (he must be a mate of that Paul fella from Globus Life), his great plates of meat, crossed at the ankles, on the desk.I'd heard down the vine that this here bossman was an ex copper, a blue nose, a policeman. It'd pay us to be weary of this fella.We ventured on and sussed 'im out 'bout the photos. Just askin' 'im general questions 'bout what 'e'd been doing of late. I eventually put it to him that he might like to part with a few bob for some juicy photos. He just grinned. Just like the Cheshire bloody cat."Where did ya find the film"? he says in his booming coppers voice.I explained to him how I found it and what we intended doing with the photos now that we had them developed.He just laughed a raucous laugh like laughin' policemen do, an' told me to take a seat.11
"Ya see laddie" he says in a milder tone, "there was a camp orgy that night 'n' there was five rolls of film. We only ever found four, that is until you come along. There's one roll of film for each of the local Magistrate, Lawyer, the Anglican Vicar, Police Inspector and yours truly. All the lads at the pub have seen them all but these ones. So who do you think you are going to sell them to?"12
"Oh, and by the by, the Newspaper Editor couldn't make it that night. His redheaded mistress Gloria's ex partner had just been found dead clutching a bottle of meths. 13
Now are you three gonna pack up your swags an' high tail it outa here, or am I gonna have ya charged with attempted blackmail?"14
Geezus, if only I had remembered that you can't trust a bloody copper, we wouldn't be in the trouble we were in!15
I never did tell ya what was in the photos, did I.16
Oh well, that's another story!17
Sammy 200518
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thank you my dear Katie.
Sammy -
Brilliant! and BRILLIANT!
This is brilliant Sammy, Oh boy, are you back on form!
this is astonishing, your jargon throughout the poem is exceptional, the bit about the tea ring on the inside of the cup is great, I can see him in my minds eye now, wiping it round with his finger, then putting his finger in his mouth to clean it off... also the bit about bullocky and buck being three sheets to the wind, that made me laugh as its a saying here for someone who is well in their cups, or in other words drunk or not in full control of their senses! a great tale Sammy, told with much detail and had me in fits of giggles all the way through.
Well Done!
Always
Katie
Edited on Sep 03, 6:33 because ''. -
Brilliant! and BRILLIANT!
WTG Sammy >
<
Katie
Edited on Sep 03, 6:25 because 'Brilliant and BRILLIANT!'. -
You have made my day. To have your approval of a story is more value than winning a thousand contests. Thank you my dear lovable friend.
Sammy
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Oh Sammy! You have done it again! I swear... one day, if there is a God in heaven, these poor boys are going to get a break!
They sure work hard at trying to do things the easy way! Isn't that a lot like people though? This is a great story Sammy and told with your usual charm and humor and fine detailing. Thank you again my sweet friend. And as always... good luck in the contest!
(`'•.¸(`'•.¸ ¤ ¸.•'´)¸.•'´)
~~~Touchof1der~~~
(, .•'(¸.•'´ ¤ `'•.¸)`'•.¸) -
Thanks Paul. I am honoured by your visit, comment and the Appaluse. All really appreciated. High praise in deed comparing these stories to Footrot Flats. I am doubly honoured.
Thank you my friend.
Sammy -
LOL I am honoured forget the Pulitzer prize I have made it into a Dream weavers story what more could a person want well done Sammy if you could get these illustrate you’d have another footrot flats on your hands…
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