Wandering the night is what I do best. The mirror shows me what all the human men want. Unbelievable beauty, dark hair grown out to my waist, bright silver eyes, and a slender figure that is somehow still curvy and sexy. I only know its what human men want because I have captured them with my looks alone so many times before. 1
It's almost too easy. Slip on a flashy shirt and mini skirt that shows off my skin, pale but glowing with beauty, and I can hook almost any male human. 2
My wide silvery-blue eyes echo innocence, but I'm anything but innocent. I am, simply, a creature of the night. Humane, but not human. I am a vampyre. And I need blood, human blood, to live actively. 3
If I go too long with out it, I'll simply shrivel up and lay on the ground. I wouldn't be able to move. Or get the blood I need. So I would just lay there with no purpose. Because I live to get blood, and I get blood to live. Without blood, I am useless. But I won't die. I can't die. I am immortal. And I would do anything to find the immortal dumb ass that made me this way.4
Doomed to be stuck on this planet until a vampyre hunter stabs a stake through my heart and sets me on fire. 5
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a vampyre's haven resides in human lust. 6
In other terms, I can only be happy if I make humans think I love them. Then I can lure them away and drink their blood. Simple, right? Sure. Except that I have to do the same thing over and over again until the end of forever. And guess what? Forever has no end. I'd rather die. But, unfortunately, I don't know of any vampyre hunters that will masacre me, so I'm stuck on this hell-hole of a planet until I find one. And vampyre hunters don't just hang around town. So it's going to take a while...7
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I walked out the door of the house at the stroke of midnight, the clock tower's bells ringing as footsteps carried me to the nearest bar. I wasn't in the mood for going out of the way to have sex with some rich guy, rob him, and drain his body of blood. Yes, I AM capable of having sex with a human man...if I know I get to kill him when I'm done. But like I said, I wasn't in the mood. I just wanted to grab some drunk man, kill him, drink his blood, and go back home. I walked up to the bar door, opened it and slipped inside. I got the expected reaction: The whole bar got quiet and the guys oggled at me. I smiled sweetly towards a few of the guys. The ones who were alone. It's easier to get away with killing someone if their date isn't trying to find them. I've learned that by experience. I barely ever kill women, and if I do it's because they found out I killed their boyfriend(oops!). I walked up to a handsome young man, probably about twenty years old. He had brown eyes and untidy blond hair. He smiled at me. I smiled back. He looked me up and down. I just leaned forward, wrapping my arms around his neck, and kissed him, tracing my tongue along the inside of his mouth. I pulled away and he looked dazed. In a trance. Perfect. I asked him to follow me, and he did. I didn't go far, but I was feeling merciful that night. So I did have sex with him; in the forest next to my house. He was pretty good. Better then usual. But, of course, I had to kill him. I was kind about it though. I bit his neck and sucked his blood away slowly, and he died smiling...just as I wanted him to. I used to be a caring human girl, but I had to kill now. All the time. So I at least tried to make it easy for the men I killed. Even if it meant I had to have sex with them. But I really had to find that vampyre hunter fast. Because I didn't know how long I could live like that. A whore and a serial killer, all in one. I would never have lived like that as a human.
Author notes
Hannah's wig
A contest entry
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Comments
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First the good.
I liked the intro a lot. The description of your main character was good. Her method of snagging and bagging her prey was also well detailed. I also laughed out loud when I read her comment about the vampire that made her, it was hilarious.
Another great part was when you let us inside her head by describing her death wish and why she keeps on going. It made her stand out from the page as more than just words. Another good insight into her feelings was in the second part when she felt mercy for the young man and let him die with a smile on his face. Though the thing that got my attention the most was the rhyme.
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a vampyre's haven resides in human lust."
Uniqiue, original, and very catchy.
Now the bad.
The entire second part really irked me as a reader. Now don't be offended, it has nothing to do with what you wrote. The story, plot, character, spelling and grammar were all good. I just couldn't get over the fact that unlike part 1, part 2 isn't broken into paragraphs. So if you break it up instead of leaving it as a long wall of text, I personally, would go from liking this story to loving it.
That was pretty much the only thing I didn't like about this story. So you can follow my suggestion or not. That's up to you.
All in all though, great work.
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that was a very good story. i can see it getting put into a larger book. she has compassion and is forced to hurt people...
lovely. -
this is really good, i like how you just easily write and make everything flow. you should work on editing a bit, every GOOD story goes through it but overall it's amazing.
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Wow. This is good. xD








