Untold Legend

It was late in the evening. No one except me and the kids were in the house. I was getting ready to put them to sleep and of course they wanted a bed time story. They were 8, 7, and 6 years old. Finding a story they all liked and hadn't heard yet was getting hard. I went to the book shelf to look around. 1

That is when I stumbled across a book that I had never seen before. It was a russet red cover with a saphire colored circle in the middle. Around the saphire circle was a golden colored circle slightly larger. This golden one you could move around. It had no title and no author. I decide to pick it up and head for their room. 2

As I opened up to the front page it read: Throughout this book you will solve a puzzle in the end you may win, those who lose, shall lose their lives. I stared at that note thinking nothing of it. After all it wasn't possible to have a book that could kill you in the end. 3

So I began reading the first chapter. It was a little different. A complete twist off of original tales but the kids seemed to love it. By the time I reached the end of the chapter all of the children were asleep. So I took the book to my room to finish it. 4

It took me 5 hours before I was done. 5

On the very last page it read: Now you are done. Hope you enjoyed. Now you must survive the whole story alive. I thought about this for a few minuetes then my eyes got restless and I lay to sleep.6

****7

Author notes

I am slowly coming up with this idea and would really like some feedback to help make it better. I'm never very good with stories.

What do you think?

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Comments


  • Rorshach gold member
    July 24

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    Sounds like the beginning of a horror story. I'd involve the children in the narrative. Put them in danger, that's always good for a story. You need a hero as well. Somebody who has a connection with the book. Make him mysterious, more fun for the reader.


  • yin20yang
    July 21

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    Good description, interesting plot...you could add a little more detail, but overall I must say it is interesting and I would love to read more!


  • dreamcloud-9
    July 21
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    It was very good. I liked the way you described everything. and its a very good plot. Keep going!


  • Asfand
    July 20

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    Oh, this was nice! Very interesting work! I like how it began....I suggest you elaborate more on this! flesh the story out!! Great work!