A Hereos Journey

In 2040 the World Government decides during the annual World Technology, Energy and Defense Conference (T.E.D.) held in Washington, that it’s in the World’s best interest to require ALL “Country-States” to provide power/fuel to its citizens solely through “New” means. After 6 months of deliberations, which lead to the longest world conference in known history, it was concluded by a majority vote that the most efficient way to provide power/fuel would be via World Organized Nuclear Network (W.O.N.).
Through this network the Country-States would be required to build one nuclear power plant for every 50 million citizens. Money for this project will be provided by loans from the Government, which would be paid back through various tax increases on the citizens. Construction took place almost immediately with Bulldozers, Dump trucks and cranes clearing off properties, uprooting trees and plowing over homes. They had paid twice the value for the land that they had purchased from families along the Missouri River, which was the prime location for some of the power plants.
A couple years go by and the first power plants are nearing completion, the reactors are in their places, the last smaller machines are being shipped in by semi trucks, the final wiring is being done by government electricians and people barley see a difference with the new tax hikes. At a Citizens for safety meeting a few of the citizens did ask some questions in the first couple months of construction such as,1

“What’s stopping radiation from bleeding out?,”
“What’s stopping a meltdown?” and
“What’s going to happen with the old power plants?”2

The Government Officials assured the people that, “All the precautionary measures have been taken to make sure those things don’t happen such as; the installation of 10ft. of lead reinforced with 15ft. of concrete to stop the radiation from bleeding out!” and said “They installed sensors and alarms in the reactors, and on all the gages to warn us of the slightest fluctuations, and the old power plants will be demolished accordingly so there is absolutely nothing to worry about!”3

In China, automotive manufacturers were working with Engineers, to use the blueprints from the new shuttle model thrusters as a guide to make new motors and propulsion systems for all types of travel. It only took a couple weeks, a few minor alterations, and adjustments later for them to get the right designs for each different kind of vehicle. One of those Engineers was Jack Gross, better known for his work on the new space shuttle project, “Beyond” almost two years ago. He worked along side Fiore Knight, a well known Physicist, to design a new propulsion system using the Hydrogen Bomb. This allowed us, At Last, to travel outside our solar system. After Jack and the others had established good enough prototypes, they submitted them to the government for acceptance.
At the Bird’s nest Roberta arena on the coast of Beijing the World Cup Soccer Championship is underway. The North Kansas City Jackals are playing The Brazilian Tigers, it’s half way through the game, the Tigers just scored another goal putting the Jackals three points behind with a score of 43 to 40 in the half. The Jackals only have one game left in the season, and they’re two wins away from winning the championship.4

At Lake Winnipesaukee, a girl by the name of Ina Blackman plays fetch with her dog Plato, an English Sheep Dog that likes to chase and even pull her own tail, while her parents were preparing a picnic by a shade tree. Ina was your typical 5yr old, always running around, laughing, horse playing, jumping in puddles and getting into trouble. She was the youngest of two children her parents had. She looked a lot like her mother, with Blue eyes and shoulder length jet black hair with bangs that went strait across her brow. She was kind of a chubby kid, well at least her cheeks were a little pudgy but what kids isn’t. Ina’s brother Adam, though he was only a head taller, about two years older than Ina thought, “he was to old to play with her and that stupid dog”, stood by the lake shore with his Blond hair blowing around in his face, Emerald Green eyes shining in the sun, was throwing skipping stones across the somewhat calm waters.
Though they were almost nothing alike, Adam cared a great deal for his little sister. There was one day about a week ago, she was being bullied by a kid that had to be at least ten years old. He was pushing on Ina trying to take her big wheel bike. When Adam had seen what was happening, he got so angry he charged at the bully. Before Adam knew what was happening, he shoulder speared the bully into a fence. The kid hit with such force the boards splintered into shreds the size of toothpicks.5

The weather was sunny, not very hot and actually kinda breezy, it was the perfect day for a family picnic. After their parents got everything set up they called them over to eat.

Author notes

First rough draft entry to the opening of the novel I have started working on. Please leave your honest constructive critiques for improvements!

rough draft of my book hope u like

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Comments


  • So Strange Greeters member
    July 22

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    Hmm... I think you have an interesting idea. I also think, however, that you should get some grammar lessons, because you aren't supposed to lowercase words like Governmen... and therefore, you don't lowercase the abbreviated version of it, either.

    I think that you could take this one places that would make people impressed at your writing. I think that if you try hard enough, you'll have a great story on your hands... add some more detail, correct your grammar and learn how to build a story and you'll be doing just fine.

    Welcome to the site. I hope you enjoy it here at Storywrite.com

    • Thank you for your comment. I was taught, however, that "government" and words like it don't always need to be capitolized unless they are referring to a specific entity. Which in this case "gov." was referring to the "World Government" so it should have been capitolized because, so thank you for pointing it out. And I went back and read through and found other grammatical things that you missed. Just keep in mind, what is posted here is still a rough draft so of course it was bound to have errors.

  • YAY! You got it posted! THis rough draft is a great start to what I know is going to be an awesome story! But you already know I thought that, didn't you? I think it's mysetrious enough to keep the reader interested to wonder what's going to happen next and that's a vital part of writing anything! I see a couple typoes, mostly toward the end, but you did say your hands were starting to hurt from the typing... I won't bother to point them out in this comment, but I will tell you and you can fix them later if you want... this is still a rough draft after all
    I love you!
    (I had to be mushy )