The Solution to Almost Everything

Do you ever remember playing with those toy cars that you pull back and release, which propels the car forward? And know that you’re older, you miss them? Have you ever wondered how it works?1

Well, in case you didn’t know, that toy has a special elastic, similar to a rubber band, one end attached to a back wheel each. As the car is pulled back, the elastic wraps itself around a bar connecting the two back wheels, and when released, unwinds, and your toy moves forward. 2

Now that you’re older, you think, 'Gosh, back in the day, life was so easy, and now I have to worry about the rising price of gas, Global Warming, AND my children’s future!' Well, now you don’t have to. A special car that can save you the cost of gas 100% guaranteed, plus will help enormously with Global Warming, AND will not hurt the lifestyle and conditions your child will have to live in for the future. 3

As the weird child that I am, I would like to introduce to you, a car that does not need gas, or oil, or an engine, nor a motor! The Wind-Back Car, or whatever it’s proper name is, is the solution to our problems.4

Now picture this, a very nice car, minus an engine and motor, and whatever other bull**** that makes a car go, and what do you have? The shell. Yep, you heard me, you don’t need that big horse power car! You need a nice looking SHELL of a car. Now, let’s renovate the inside. Attach to the back wheels, on either side of a bar, a strong, flexible band, which at the center is attached to a metal pole, located a few feet in front of your back wheels. And guess what you have! That’s right! A life size, completely practical toy car, that YOU can own.5

And to make it easier, you can jack up the back of your wind-up car, and with a machine that my future scientists have invented, you can sit back while your car is winded up for you! And its safe too! Yes, you’re not deaf, brakes are installed to put pressure on that back bar that controls the elastic, so you can control whether or not your wind-up car moves or not!6

But of course, thanks to the money-greedy government out there, they wont let this idea come into play, because of course they’ll lose they’re profits on oil, and they wont make money on it. They’ll probably make up some complete rubbish against it. But I’ll stop talking about the government, I don’t want to end up in jail. 7

So buy the life-size wind-up car, or better yet, replace your engine with a rubber-band. No one will ever think to look at your ‘engine’.