Mistake... This Is The Gate To Heaven

1

I felt it coming for some time now, for several years. Lately however it seemed to be nearing till a matter of days was all I expected to have left till it will hit. So I had to do some intensive preparations. I was a law abiding citizen and did not want to break any of these, not even by committing simple traffic violations.2

I drove down the highway to my home and stopped at each speed limit panel and bent it down its middle so the numbers were not showing. Those I could not bend I sprayed with paint from a can. I took me a few hours, but then the job was perfectly done. I drove all the way back to see if I did not miss any, and by the three quarters of the way back home it hit me. I knew it was coming, still I was surprised when it happened. I gunned the motor to the floor, aimed at the next lamp post and made sure it will hit the car just left of the middle. I was a good driver, my aim was perfect, I was not breaking any speed limit laws. I did not hear the impact.3

#4

I approached the impressive wall and pushed the button which a flashing arrow kept pointing at. The quiet was impressive, I could have heard my heart beat if there was one, yet before I could try to verify the veracity of the fact, a part of the wall the size of a door moved smoothly into a recess and a beautiful woman dressed in a long plain white kimono and wearing some kind of a wheel inside her hair appeared in the opening.5

She smiled at me a perfect smile, her teeth even, her eyes sparkling, her cheeks rosy like a morning's sky. I looked up trying to identify the sun but all I got was some unclear haze stretching in every direction, forcing me to squint.6

"Yes?" she chimed.7

"I would like a room for tonight, are there any vacancies?"8

"Do you have a reservation?"9

"Did I have to make one?"10

"Certainly. We have enough rooms but only people with reservations can come in. Do you have a reservation?" she repeated patiently.11

"And how long ago did I have to make one?"12

"Well, several years ago. It is written in our marketing brochures."13

"My dear lady, please listen, I am lost, I am tired, I need a hot meal, a hot bath, a bit of TV and then I hit the hay. Tomorrow I will be gone. I will pay double the price."14

"It is not a matter of paying now, you should have paid long ago."15

"And how would you expect me to pay if I did not even foresee to come over to this place?"16

"You really do not know where you are, do you?"17

"As far as I can recognize it, this is a nameless hotel, stuck in the middle of nowhere, business is weak and you should not turn a weary customer away. Courtesy. Business. All the right reasons. Correct? This is a hotel, right?"18

She looked at me the way one looks at a misplaced fly, smiled benevolently and full of understanding and shook her head.19

"Mistake... this is the gate to heaven."20

"Yes, and I am father Christmas, and now it is the 4th of July."21

"No, father Christmas is a fake and we have no calendar down here. Every day is the first day of eternity. Praise be."22

"You sound like a TV evangelist, you know, except they say up not down here. Do you follow these programs by any chance?"23

"Oh, they use some of our material as well."24

"Yes, and conning little old women out of their last penny for their ever more grandiose luxury boats."25

"We are not responsible to the way our teaching is put to use. We just aim to get advance registrations to the rooms. We have responsibilities."26

I heard the shuffling of feet and a bunch of little boys approached the gate hesitatingly. She smiled, moved aside and let them in. Then she moved in front of the gate again, blocking my view. I tried to peek past her shoulder, but I could not see anything except pure whiteness.27

"Why is it all so white in there? Don't you have grass, trees, flowers? It is so damn boring. What are you doing all day long?"28

"Grass and other forms of vegetation don't have souls, so they are not allowed in. Neither are dogs," she added, pointing to a sign next to the gate showing a dog with a red line through it."29

"So goats and camels are accepted?" I asked sarcastically, "I see no signs with red lines going through their shapes."30

"Sorry, is this what you would habitually call humor?"31

"No, it is what I would habitually call sarcasm. How come you allowed these small kids in, with no parents, no reservation, no questions asked? I am glad you think they have souls."32

Seemed that I got her a bit tense, since she smiled again.33

"Oh, kids are always welcome, they make such cute angels, we encourage kids to come here, it is written in our marketing brochure."34

If I started feeling sarcastic somewhere along the way, now I started feeling something bubbling in my stomach.35

"You encourage kids coming here? Instead of letting them there up or down or wherever there is to play with other kids, be with their moms, fathers, families, you encourage them to arrive here? You should discourage children from arriving here. What is the matter with you people? And what is this wheel stuck in your hair?"36

Seems I succeeded to ruffle her feathers.37

"This wheel stuck in my hair is a halo. And I am not people, I am angel. And not interfering there is part of our non intrusive policy and who are you to judge us on that? And don't you use this vituperative tone here in front of this gate." I think she was ready to slap me with one of those feathers she may have had, and I was getting ready to punch her nose.38

"Tell me you high nosed halo bearer, if you decided to change your policy would you be able to stop kids from coming here?"39

"Of course we could."40

"So why the hell don't you?"41

"It is up to the board of directors to decide on it. And it is not up to a visitor with no reservation to ask these questions."42

"So why don't you ask these questions?"43

"Questions are asked in Hell, this is Heaven as I told you."44

"I think at this stage I would like to try getting a bed with Hell. Where is it?"45

"Down the road, go until you see a long queue." She chuckled. "You have no choice getting in there either."46

"Why?"47

"Because they use there a bartering system. You have to bring with you references of people you sent here before you, or bring them with you. Did you send anybody there or here? Bet you did not. You also did not bring anybody along. So you have no chance. Ha."48

I saw another group approaching soundlessly. The men stopped in front of the gate, a young guy painfully letting go of a girl's hand as the women continued further on. They stopped in front of the wall where another gate opened and a male simile of my female gate keeper showed up to let them in. All the men who stopped in front of my gate were allowed in as well.49

"Why do you separate men from women?" I asked. "This is primitive."50

"We have to keep perfect order here. Therefore we have to prevent fornication."51

"We call it making love in my world..." my sarcasm was on the mount again. She continued as if I said nothing.52

"Like that they can concentrate on inner thoughts and elevation."53

"Yes, thoughts of fornication and masturbation... don't tell me you don't have runaways here, people who try to steal away from one side of the camp to the other." 54

She smiled angelically again.55

"Of course we have crime, what do you think we are, savages? They are punished severely. One year of penitence."56

"Yeah, don't tell me, kneeling on corn seeds."57

"How did you know it, this is a guarded secret?"58

"Lucky guess," I spit the last words and made a move to go. "Tell me do you have any marketing brochures here?" 59

Why the hell did she smile again? I picked up her wrists and looked at them. Then Lifted her arms and peeked under her arm pits. Clean.60

"What are you doing?"61

"Looking for stamps of Made in Japan. I was wondering if you are not a new model of Tamaguchi."62

"Tamaguchi?"63

"Yes, a toy robot."64

"Oh..." she smiled, pointed at another sign bearing a sign of a toy with a red line crossing it."No toys."65

"Yeah, of course, no toys, no sex, no dogs. Just white. Like a nuts' hospital. So do you have any brochures left so that I find my way easier around here next time around I may come, just to make sure I miss this place?"66

"Which language? We have all possible languages."67

"Which language? What do we talk now, Sanskrit? Hey, do you maybe have one in human?"68

"Human? I don't know of such a language."69

"Figures, I could have guessed at much. So make it English."70

She handed me a brochure which started singing hymns the moment I touched it.71

"I will give you one word of warning though. There will not be a next time if you don't hang around and try to apply higher up. The next time you will move into... nothing. You have to make your choice, now."72

Visions of screaming asphalt flashed into my mind, noise...73

"I'd rather take my chances with a lamp post..." I raised my voice above the noise... now, why in hell did I just say that? She seemed to be thinking, trying to understand. 74

"It is your last chance..."75

I did all the thinking I had to do. All it took was flashes of seconds. I knew my answer.76

"Don't think too hard, you may yet get some wrinkles on that billiard smooth brain of yours..." I shouted the strongest I could... the noise was getting unbearable...77

#78

My reflexes were perfect, my car was perfect, I saw that post rush towards me as I shook up from the somnolescence that flooded me and with crunching teeth I pulled the car back into the middle of the road fighting hard to control it and hoping no car is there alongside me. My heart was thumping wildly, adrenalin flowing out of my nostrils... what a long fading dream in a second long snooze which almost cost me my life. I had a few more miles to go till home and I started calming down. An unbearable desire to hold her hand flooded me all of a sudden... oh, I loved her so much... not even death will steal me away from your arms... I shouted mindlessly and happily at the indifferent windscreen reflecting a funny dying fire inside my eyes. 79

"Damn vandals..." I thought to myself seeing the speed sign bent in its middle, just one mile before pulling into my street.80