Chairs

I'm not exactly sure when I first began to become aware so to speak... but I know that one day I was just sitting neatly in my cubicle when all of a sudden a thought hit me. Why did I just sit here day after day after day? It's not as if I was particularly well treated, the amount of kicks I got I swear I should have been black and blue all over... then there's the endless bubblegum, I mean seriously, how grotesque do you have to be to stick dried up bubblegum or chewing gum on the bottom of a chair?! This is Not how I imagined my life to turn out... 1

I have legs though.. so what was to stop me just.. you know.. walking? It's not as if I couldn't be easily replaced, although I might be missed for a few days until I was.2

Well, like I said, I was bored, mistreated, unpaid and altogether feeling rather low, I decided I would experiment, the first day I just hid.. I waited until everyone went home for the day and then I hid in the supplies cupboard... honestly you'd think they would cope better than that.. but there was Chaos! People screaming all over.3

"Where is it?"4

"Who's taken the bleeding chair?"5

"I can't work if I don't have a chair"6

I honestly believe my splinters would have split if I hadn't blocked the sounds off, all this fuss over one little chair.7

Mind you... I wasn't treated any better after I was found. Everyone still kicked me, and swung on me, I felt as if my legs were ready to break off if one more overweight elephantine like person came and swung me onto my two back legs. Why should I put up with what is basically slave labour anyway? What have they Ever done for me? No. I'm not going to put up with it anymore. They didn't learn their lesson, and they didn't even consider ordering a new chair... I'm leaving this place before I'm broken and then chopped into firewood... I've never been firewood but it doesn't look pleasant, in fact it looks fairly painful.8

I gave them a week so they didn't get suspicious, with no signs of anything getting any better I waited once more until they all went home for the night, then started my way out of the building, only to discover to my frustration that the door was not only shut but it was locked! How in the name of the great tree God was I supposed to get out now? 9

I did the only thing I could do. I stayed where I was... that was amusing at least. The first person to walk in through the door, bleary eyed and by the looks of him rather hung over, tripped up over me, I felt him go flying, felt the sudden "Bang!" as he hit the ground, I didn't hang around although he was cursing like mad by now, I legged it for the door!10

I think I'll go visit Auntie Elm.. I hear she's been doing well for herself.. I wonder if she'll recognise me.... it's been a good few years now after all....11