In the distance from the substitute bench, Nick could hear Chris shouting at the teacher claiming for a penalty from Conor’s violent tackle. He watched in silence as the teacher sent him back into the changing rooms, probably for his own good. “Oh well” he thought “nothing changes”.2
His head turned back to the game, only to watch Conor run from the far side of the pitch to the other, uncontested by the other players, who where far to scared to even get in his way. “Yep, nothing changes at all”.3
After the match Nick caught up with Chris in the changing room, fuming about Conor. “I mean, why he can’t, for once, he just give it to me?” he started raving. “Every damned week the same thing”4
Even though Chris was always like this after every game, and could spend hours on the subject Nick quickly tried to changed the subject. “So, Chris, what are you doing tonight?” he said, trying not to making it too obvious what I was doing.5
“Nothing much. What do you wanna do?” Chris said, temporarily forgetting his rage with Conor. No matter what happened, they knew that they never meant it, ever. No matter what was said or happened all three of them where unbreakable friends, always there for each other in our time of need. Understandably the remarks wouldn’t stop in our time of need, let alone ever, but they under stood that they where trying to help.6
“We could go to town or something”.7
“Sounds good to me”.8
“Just remember to bring money this time, Chris; I ain’t paying for you again.”9
“Oh, ok, I got paid yesterday, so it’s no problem this time”.10
Nick spotted Conor walking into the changing room, moving through other people to get to his locker. He was covered top to bottom in mud from the game. He called him over.
“Hey Nick, hey Chris, what’s up?” Conor said in a light hearted tone.11
“Hey Conor, we were just thinking about what we are going to do this weekend,” Nick answered.12
“Cool. Um, what are you doing, Chris?” Chris glared at Conor with gritted teeth…13
“Wow …” Nick commented. “You look more of a retard than normal.”14
Chris laughed.15
“Wow, he laughs like a retard as well…” Added Conor.16
“Ahh sod both of you. So, anyway, Conor, are you coming to town today?”17
“Yeah sure, why not? I mean, I got nothing else planned, and hanging out with you two is what I live for…”.18
“Yeah,” said Chris “I mean it's not like you're ever going to have anything more important than us in your life. I mean who could ever love you…”.19
Everyone laughed as Conor grabbed Chris and pummeled him against the wall. Even Chris laughed (although he was pinned against the wall) and Conor, well Conor was being him-self and loving it (he always loved hurting people).20
Fully dressed Nick made my way out of the changing room, Chris in tow. 21
“So what we doing” Chris said as he caught up with Nick.22
“I was just going to get a drink and get home, can’t stay late tonight, got that big geography coursework to finish… well, start then I guess ill finish it”.23
“You haven’t even started?”24
“I was going to, but then I found I had better things to do”25
“Wow, Mr. Thoburn will have you for this”26
“And? You make it sound almost bad that he might kick me off the course, more free time for me!”27
“You already have more than enough free time from failing Art” said Conor coming out of the changing room.28
“Oh God, finally” said Chris 29
“Shut it fatty, or me and Nick will leave without you”30
“Wanker, come on lets go, the pubs will start servings food in like half an hour”31
“For once, I think Chris is right” Nick said “We need to hurry before it gets busy”32
“Come on then, let’s go, what pub we going to anyway?”33
“I fancy the Lions Arms today” said Conor “Besides its still early we might even get a table this time!”34
“Im ok for that” Chris said. 35
The Lions Arms was one of the best pubs in the area, located right in the center of town it was normally thriving.36
Nick put in headphones and turned on his Ipod, and left Chris and Conor to argue about whatever, as he knew they would, they always do. He decided on something heavy to drone out the comments and screams of pain from Chris.37
As they reached the town’s high street Conor taped Nick on the arm, and pulled out his headphones.38
“Hell, Chris is getting well out of shape” Conor said39
Nick looked back and saw that Chris was struggling to walk.40
“Come on, let’s get him moving” 41
“Come on, Chris!” Nick called behind him.42
“He can’t help it,” said Conor “Being fat and all...”43
“I can still hear you,” called Chris from ten meters behind them.44
“Too bad you can’t CATCH us!” Nick yelled.45
Chris started to sprint towards them with surprising speed, but Conor was faster.
He turned and held Chris back to give Nick a chance to run, but he was laughing too much to hold him for long, and eventually Chris broke free. As Chris made a final dash to catch up with Nick, Conor just jogged along as Chris’s pace, laughing.46
“Come on, you gotta be faster than that if you want to catch me” but Chris was going nowhere, he was already out of breath.47
“Ok,” Chris panted leaning against a shop window “I’m just going to take a break for a few seconds”48
“Out of breath already?” asked Connor. “Lay off the chips, or you might just explode”. 49
“Come on” Nick agrued “Almost there, you can rest once we get a table, im not missing out again”50
“Fine” said Chris as he started to walk once again “But you owe me a drink” he said looking at Conor.51
“A drink? You must be off your head mate; it’s more likely that you owe me a drink from some time back”52
“Yeah you owe me, think of it for compensation for what happened in rugby”53
“What happened in rugby, happened because you can’t run fast enough”54
“Yeah right, you know it was a rough tackle, you owe me for it”55
“Oi” Nick called “Im sorry to irrupt your heated conversation, but we missed the entrance to the Lions Arms”56
“Wank” said Conor “Too busy playing with fatty over there”57
“Hey, you might want to sh…” Chris was cut short…58
Someone screamed in the distance.59
“What was that?” Conor asked.60
Suddenly everyone started running in every direction possible. In the flurry of people Nick was knocked to the ground, instinctively covering his face for protection. People where running over him, over him and on him, kicking his chest and legs as they went, while people trampled all over his hands and feet.61
To his left he heard Conor scream with pain, something that was rarely heard. To his right Chris was curled up in a ball, apparently doing no better than Nick was.62
More screams. Having no scene of direction on the floor, the screams appeared to be coming from all around.63
As more people came rushing past, someone’s loafer contacted with his nose, hard enough to draw blood, and possibly break some bones, but unable to do anything about it Nick just held his position.64
Darkness was filling his vision, from the outside in, the sounds of people running past fading, into the nothingness that was unconsciousness; one final blow to his head was enough to knock him out cold.65
No more sounds of people running past, no screams of pain or anguish.66
Nothing.67
Blackness.
Author notes
This is what i will be working on from now, till i get board and start somthing else (normally that happens half way though chapter 2, but ill try this time
)
This is a re-take on my old first chapter from Invasion, but i have decided to change the plot.
Please pick up on spelling/grammar. I need it 
How do you think i can improve on this, are there any bits that just dont feel right.
Finaly: Thank you for reading it 
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Comments
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All I can suggest for your spelling/grammar is that you need some sort of Beta or Editor. And it also seemed kind of like it's been written and then edited to fit something else- which, apparently, it has. In my opinion (just my opinion) you should never take a story meant to start as one thing then change it to something else. If you have to do that, then you should have just started a new story
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I have to say that while this does need some work.
Not beyond my scope you understand just, I would have to reread the whole thing and go through it line by line.
Seriously, I would rather not. I like the story which is engaging and interesting.
I would change the background, which is jarring and the font color which is hard to read.
It is a good effort and good, so I award you a high rate all around.
I see that i have read this before, so if the rating doesn't come through--it's because of that.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This is a good story that needs just a bit of tweaking to make it better and it would be a good idea to check the spelling and continue.

beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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this is a good start, like the relationship between the characters, there is plenty of scope to take this somewhere, i enjoyed the read, take care


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This is a fairly good story. I liked the dialogue at the beginning but it did seem quite slow and I was unsure whether it was going to lead anywhere. Also I like physical description of the characters so I can properly imagine them and you didn't really do this, though you could have fitted it in with the dialogue. However, the story did get interesting at the end and you have left it on a very effective cliffhanger!
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interesting
It's a good story. The beginning was like any other story, just introducing the characters and the setting etc. but I expected it to change half way thorugh the story. I know this is the 1 chapter, if im right, but it needs abit of a kick to make it more interesting
When you are writing dialouges; “Ahh sod both of you. So, anyway, Conor, are you coming to town today?”18
“Yeah sure, why not? I mean, I got nothing else planned, and hanging out with you two is what I live for…”.19
I think that you should add more description, make it a lsight dramatic in between the dialougues, cus' it makes it very boring to read when you dont have it.
But your doign well, you just need abit of polishing
Btw, check my stories out
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Pretty good
At the beginning it was boring kind of like, "Where are you going with this?" But good cliffhanger at the end. A few spelling and grammatical errors but other wise good.
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Thanks for your comment!
The begining was just to introduce you to the characters.
I might end up changing it now
Thank you for reading
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OMG! so.... you need to write more, cause i think im gonna go insane if you dont lol This is really good, and the ending is an insane cliffhanger!!! and I need more!!! lol
they sound like such charming friends


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This is actually really good, maybe check it over for grammer (a few misplaced commas and "to" vs. "too" etc..)
but your storytelling is superb, and all your dialouge seems very real and natural. Your characters also seem pretty well defined for such a short passage.
The endings too much of a cliffhanger not to finish! keep going, ill definatly follow this story!
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.





