Enter and Be Loved

Who knows what may lie behind an old board fence? It was undoubtedly a subject for much speculation on the southside of town, over the years, before that sprawl of blue words on it faded to gray and finally disappeared.1

Lazily taking in the summer scenery as the red Chevy cruised out the commerce-lined avenue that stretched for five miles from the highway to the beach, Lanni sat as close to John as the bucket seats allowed. She let her head drop onto his arm, which was wrapped around her shoulder. In the trunk were boxes of colorful brochures. It was late on a Thursday afternoon and they were both tired, having worked long hours all week at John's print shop, in order to finish and deliver the job on schedule. The check, soon to be exchanged for the boxes, would provide a good payday for the whole crew, so they were content and a bit puffed-up with the outcome of their efforts.2

Among the motley structures lining the two-lane thoroughfare, Lanni’s gaze fell upon a tin-roofed bait shack and a narrow shop with used furniture displayed on the sidewalk. Half of the next block was enclosed by a long section of wooden privacy fence, which had weathered to a pale, silvery gray. "ENTER AND BE LOVED" was painted across it, in bold blue letters.3

"Wow! Look at that," she said. "I wonder who…"4

"Where, Babe?" John made a swift sideways glance past her extended index finger, and turned quickly back to the road. "Oh, that…" his voice trailed off.5

"I mean," continued Lanni, "Isn't that a great thought, to enter and be loved? Doesn't it sound like something Jesus or Buddha would have said?"6

"Yy-uhh," said John, and slipped into silence. He had heard a thing or two about that fence, a few years back. Terrible Ted had once noticed those blue words, and it had proved a potent introduction to the city. Ted was a country boy who'd been informally adopted by a bunch of John's biker friends. In that spirit, John had let the fellow help out in the shop a few times, learning of his background and adventures in the process. Ted's story had been stuck in his head ever since:7

I grown up on my uncle's farm near Lakeland. Can't say I was raised so much as gathered in. Din't care for school, so I dropped out of sixth grade. Drivin tractor was okay when I was fourteen, but they never paid me nothin and by the time I turned seventeen, I'd had enough. I'd grown near a head taller than the old man and strong enough to flatten his ass, but I just tole him I was outta there. He handed me a sawbuck and tole me good luck. Well, fuck, I din't even spect that.8

I heard you could get work easy on the docks in New Orleans, so I thumbed out there and started askin around. Two guys jumped me, down near the waterfront. Only had my backpack and the clothes I was wearin, but I guess I looked rich to them. I meant to keep what I had though, and they hadn't counted on my years of forkin hay and haulin crap. I had muscle, like I said.9

I shook off the one had me round the shoulders, the same time nailin the one took a swing at me with a hard kick in the balls. He went down moanin and I give him another kick to make sure he stayed down. The other one come back and tried to get holt of me, but I flipped him down next to his buddy and cold cocked him when he tried to get up. I din't think they'd have the guts to try me again, but I still wanted to get out of there in a hurry. I was lookin round for a way to go when I seen this skinny-ass old Negro comin toward me. I was ready to do him like I did the others, but he smiled real friendly and put out his hand. I kep my distance, thinking ‘this one's a con,’ but he ask my name, and I tole him Ted.10

"Little name for a big fella like you," he said.11

"Its what I got," I tole him.12

"You got more than that, Sonny. I'se watching you take out those punks, I'm thinking no one gonna mess with this motha. He is a terror, I'se telling myself."13

"So what's it to you?" I asked him.14

"Nothing. 'Cept I can get you work if you done mind to use that muscle, Terrible Ted."15

He said his name was Cedric, and well, I still dint trust him altogether, but he come through for me. Got me on a gang loadin freighters off the docks and in return I kep trouble offa his back. We shared a shack not far off. Hardest work I ever done, but the money was more'n I'd seen in my life, and we partied some, too. We worked it for most of a year afore I got antsy and come back to Florida.16

Well, the name he give me stuck, and I been Terrible Ted ever since. I come back with that and a bit more cash than I left with, but after New Orleans, Lakeland was most as excitin as watchin a cow chew grass, so I hitched on over to the gulf, lookin for some action.17

Pretty soon, after the truck I'm ridin turned off the highway and headed toward the beach, I seen this smoke fish place. Cedric and me used to chow down on that stuff back on the docks and I had a taste for it, so I said to let me out, and the driver stopped and waved me away. You could see the smoke risin out back the place, and that spicy smell just went straight to my head. I got me a chunk a smoked mullet and some hush puppies and ate em sittin on a green bench by the bus stop, since the place din't have no booths or nothin.18

When I was done with eatin I felt good and started walkin out toward the beach, not knowin exactly how far I'd have to go but not carin much, either. I'd thumb if I got tired, but it felt good to stretch my legs. That was when I seen the fence. Just a grey, weathered, clapboard fence--you couldn't tell what was behind it--but someone had wrote on it in big blue letters, "ENTER AND BE LOVED".19

Well that sounded pretty good to me, and what did I have to lose? If they was Jesus Freaks or somethin, I could always back out. They wouldn't hurt me, nohow, but I wasn't of a mind to sit around and get saved. Had enough a that glory hallaluya growin up on the farm, my aunt keepin us starched up on those hard church seats half of every Sunday.20

I opened the gate and seen the little house set back of the yard. The grass was tall, where there was any. Mostly sand spurs, I was guessin, but there weren't no dog growlin or runnin at me, so I went up on the stoop. Before I could knock, the door was flung open and I was starin at this enormous chicka with hair hangin down past her boobs. She was so big she filled the doorway, and I couldn't see anythin past her, but maybe I wasn't lookin. She had on a green dress, soft and cut low. It made her boobs look just like watermelons. You could a hid an ear of corn between em. If it was rainin, you could a got beneath em and not got too wet.21

"Up here, buddy," a voice was sayin, and I looked into a wide face that was kinda pretty, all the same, like lookin at the harvest moon. Guess I was starin some. I said, "My name's Ted. They call me Terrible Ted, but it don't mean you no harm."22

"C'mon in, Baby," she told me. "Take a load off." Well, I gone into this long dark room and sat on a big old brown couch with her. I din't notice much else in the room but a heavy wooden table, a lava lamp on a sideways orange crate and a couple milk crates here and there, one with a little TV on it. Maybe a couple hard chairs. It was dark and I couldn't see all the way in the back.23

I'se tellin her about the docks in New Orleans and comin back to Florida and all, and she's got a Steppenwolf album cover on her lap, layin out lines of coke with a razor blade. Then the blond comes in. She was about the blondest I ever saw, with no eyebrows at all. For that to be real, her eyes'd have to be pink, like a possum. Her name was Jade, she said. She was kinda toothy in the face, but with a nice body. The big girl was Lila. Jade set down on the braided rug and done one of them lines with a little coffee-stirrin straw. Then they passed the album cover to me. I'd snorted some with Cedric in New Orleans, but it never done much for me. Now, I figured ‘what the hay?’ I got nothin to do sept thumb out by the beach and look for a cheap motel. I took up the little straw and done a line, then Lila done hers. After that we smoked a couple joints, and I'd as like passed out except the coke was givin me an edge.24

About then, Lila got off the couch and I sprung up about a foot on accounta her not flattenin the cushions no more. I leaned back on the couch, not wantin to bother with nothin, and Jade's still sittin on the floor with her head against my leg. I mighta rubbed my eyes when I seen Lila get up on the table, but when she started to dance, my mouth fell open. Her green dress was like a long T-shirt and stuck to every inch of her body. Her tits stood out just below the neckline and started to bounce as she moved. Some heavy music was playin, what might have been on before, but now I noticed it as she pranced and swayed on the table.25

Jade turned and unhooked my belt and pulled down the zipper, which was some relief because my johnson was tryin to beat its way outta my jeans. He popped up, straight and hard as a silo. I got to make no apologies for my stuff. A course, on the farm, I seen a lot bigger on some critters, but I don't have to compete with horses, now do I? Hay now, I know all them sheep jokes, but I swear I never done that with no animals. No way.26

Lila was puttin on some show on the table, her skirt now hiked up to the top of her thighs, movin like some force of nature, an earthquake or a really big wave. Jade had pulled off her shorts and dragged my jeans down around my knees. She straddled me like a Harley. Cedric and me had done the cathouses a couple times in New Orleans, but this was different, natural, like wadin in the creek with your toes sinkin into the sweet mud. It was just happenin, and I was lettin her do most of the action, while my eyeballs was still locked on Lila dancin on the table. Finally, I give one big thrust and she come screamin and rainin down on my cock, which was still hard as steel.27

"Good goin' Teddy," Jade sighed, fallin back on the couch beside me. I took off my t-shirt and mopped myself a bit dry, then passed it over to her. That was when Lila, who was now sittin on the table, gave me a kick and said, "My turn, big boy."28

I stood up and she spread her wings right there on the table and I plowed into her, still standin. I pumped until we come off together. When she was done oooin and ahhhin, Lila stood up and tole me to grab my backpack. "The kitchen's over there if you need a drink or anything, and this here's the bathroom," she said, pointin to a door in the hall. "You can sleep in the room beside it. We'll talk in the morning."29

The next morning turned out to be the next afternoon, cause no one there dragged ass out of bed until about three o'clock. I'd just took a shower and wrapped up in the towel I found there when I seen Lila in a blue bathrobe headin for the john. "Mornin," I said, not sure just what I was feelin about her or Jade or anythin that happened the night before.30

"Mnff," she said, "see ya after coffee."31

I pulled on my jeans and a clean shirt from my pack, then went on back to the kitchen. Jade was already there, eatin biscuits and gravy.32

"Help yourself," she said, wavin at the stove. "I gotta get going to work in a minute."33

So I grabbed a couple biscuits from the oven and spooned on gravy from the pan on the stove. There was a pot of coffee too, so I set out the two mugs I seen and poured me some coffee in the one had a little crack on the edge. From what she said, I figured Lila would be wantin some, too. Jade'd put her plate in the sink and gone out by the time I set down, which was kinda relievin since I never was much for mornin conversation, and anyhow, I had no notion what to say to her.34

The biscuits was the kind that come in a tube from the store, but the gravy was the real good stuff, with milk and sausage and all. I was puttin it away when Lila come in, wearin a striped thing that coulda been a tent. I got up and poured her a cuppa, just to show I got some manners.35

"Thanks, Teddy," she said, and took a careful sip and then a bigger swaller. "Well, what you think of us?"36

"Um," I mumbled, "I never done nothin like that before…"37

"So…sad regrets, off to tread the straight and narrow from now on, or you want to stay and play with us? Mind you, it's not gonna be like that every night. You kinda inspired me."38

"I guess, you um inspired me some too."39

"That's sweet, Terrible Ted. Why don't you spend some time with us? Of course, you'll have to kick in for room and board, but you'd have to do that anywhere.40

"It's just you two livin here and me if I stayed a while?"41

"Just now, that's how it is, but we're receptive to newcomers, as you know from our sign. We got some people coming over later tonight, to hang out. Sometimes someone passes out and we throw a blanket over'm for the night, but they'll usually be gone in the morning."42

Well, I figured I got nowhere in particular to go and I might as well stick around here as somewhere else. Lila said she'd need some food to put out later, when people were comin over. I said, “What about smoked fish?” but she dint think that was too good an idea, so I walked back by the highway to get us a couple big pizzas. When I got back, there was a bunch of people sittin on the floor with Lila, passin around a joint and a bottle a Boone's Farm. They dove into them pizzas and me along with em. Pretty soon we was all laughin and passin around another reefer. Of a sudden, we was all good buddies and seemed to known each other forever. Some music was playin but I didn't give it much mind. I was pretty beat from the night before, but I din't wanna miss out if Lila was gonna dance. She didn't make a move toward the table, though, and after a while, I just had to drag myself to bed.43

So life went on like that for a couple weeks, gettin up late, mostly watchin TV with Lila, or some folks'd come by and we'd smoke some weed. One night Jade come in from her cocktail waitress job, dressed in her black mini-skirt and high-heeled boots. We smoked a couple joints and got it on after Lila went to bed. After, she says to me, "Remember how much fun we had that first night, Teddy? I know someone who can get us some coke, if you'll spring for it."44

Well, I had been thinkin about that night quite a bit, and believe it or not, I was hankerin to do Lila again. We'd been hangin around a lot, but somehow I couldn't figure how to start with her. Maybe coke would help.45

My cash was gettin real short by this time, but I ponied up, and the next night, it was her night off, Jade came home with the stuff. Lila laid out the lines just like before, and we all took our turn with the straw, but otherwise it din't turn out the same. After we'd smoked a joint, Jade got up and put on some music, I think it was Led Zeppelin, but she dint sit back down with us. I never did know if she went out or just disappeared in the back of the house, but I couldn't bother myself about it. I was on the couch with Lila again, and I could tell she was as horny as me. We fooled around a while and pretty soon wound up in her bed, a humongous mattress on the floor. It nearly filled the room, which was about twice the size of my room. Wired up by the coke, we carried on most of the night.46

From then on, we got in the habit of scorin some coke every week. I got a job at the gas station on the highway to pay for the powder and keep us fed, mostly. Folks came and went, sometimes brought us weed, sometimes smoked ours. We was more stingy with the coke. The shit was expensive, and used up mosta my earnings. When we had it, we'd lock up the doors and pull the blinds. If someone came by, we'd just ignore em til they quit knockin and went away. I done both Lila and Jade from time to time, but never again on the same night. I gotta admit, the coke was gettin bigger in my mind than the fuckin. We was doin two or three lines at a time, and it never seemed like enough.47

Then one night, when Jade come home with the coke, she brought along some red-haired dude. I felt the hair raise up on the back of my neck, even before he started in about 'my brother this-or-that' and ‘groovin to the universe.’ Jade's all lookin at him with goo-goo eyes and hangin on his every word, but I'm thinkin, ‘She's gonna share our coke with this asshole.’48

I musta looked as p-ed off as I was feelin, cause Lila put an arm on my shoulder and said, "Whatsa matter, TT?" I din't say nothin, and sure enough, Lila started layin out the lines on the old album cover. The dude's name was Frankie sumpthin, and he got up to help Jade pick out music that would "add meaning to our experience."49

I said, "Our experience is gettin high. It don't need no more meanin than that." Really, I was thinkin about the fuckin, too, but din't say nothin because I sure din't want to share that. Up til then, I never thought much about my feelins for Jade or Lila either, but now it come over me like a tornado. They were mine--my life, my place, my religion--I din't want em dancin for someone else, and surely not gettin it on.50

"Lighten up, Teddy," said Jade. "All love is good love. Try to get in the groove."51

Lila passed me the straw and I done my lines, not sayin nothin more. The others done theirs, and when the dude said somethin about the "vibes" bein off, Jade got up and led him to her room. Lila lit up a joint and we smoked some, sittin on the couch like usual, but I was too mad to say much, and she just sat there like a big bowl of puddin. After a while, she got up, yawned and said, "Teddy, you're getting to be a bore." Then she dragged her ass to bed.52

The next day, when I woke up, I knew somethin was different. My jeans and a t-shirt was laid out on the bed, and wasn't nothin else of mine nowhere in the room. I pulled on my clothes and shuffeled on back to the kitchen, where Lila was drinkin coffee.53

"Have some if you wanna, " she said, liftin her cup a little, "your stuff is by the door, so you won't have to bother packing."54

I forgot about the coffee and hurried up to the front door, where my backpack was layin, and beside it a grocery store bag with a few dirty clothes.55

"What's this?" I hollered, and both of em come amblin out of the back rooms. "Y'all just kickin me out, like that?"56

Jade shrugged and Lila nodded, "It's over, Teddy."57

"I did anythin you asked me, bought your drugs and fed your friends and…and…what happened to 'enter and be loved?'"58

"We did love you, Teddy," Jade sighed.59

"We do love you," said Lila, "but now it's time for us to love someone else. So be a dear, TT, and get your butt out of here. You know we would hate to have to call the police."60

I stumbled out the door, not knowin if I was more mad or more hurt. The bitches! Those sorry cunts! They'd used me and peeled me off like an old rubber. I wanted to put my fist through their faces, but I got some civility about me, so I kept goin and din't turn back til I was on the other side of the fence. When them blue letters caught my eye, I thought about burnin the whole place to the ground, but I just stomped on up the road a ways, and lucked into a ride with a semi that was gettin ready to turn onto the highway. By the time we rolled into to Chiefland, I was thinkin "Aw well, what the fuck!"61

Lost in her own thoughts, Lanni hadn't noticed John's silence, and even though they had gone several miles past the fence, she queried, "So, who do you think lives there?"62

"Where, Babe?" asked John, whose thoughts had cruised ahead to the meeting with the customer, a condo builder whose continued business would be a real boost to the shop and his status as a printer. John had laid down the four colors himself, making sure there'd be a full count of finished brochures and no rejects.63

"Behind the fence back there, the one with the blue lettering. I suppose there's a house behind it…and someone who lives there. Maybe they feed the homeless."64

"Hmmm," replied John. While he didn't credit much imagination to Terrible Ted, he couldn't be sure that the account he’d heard was completely accurate, and even if it was, that didn’t mean the occupants had remained the same over the three or four years that had passed since the young man's sojourn there. On consideration, it seemed doubtful. Besides, he preferred Lanni's more charitable view of the landscape, and did not wish to disillusion her. "In that part of town, who knows?" John shrugged. "Could be just about anyone." 65