Jeremy slowly turned around and all that he could see, was a fist. He gasped and it hit his eye, but that didn't last long. He did a back flip over the person, back at that person. The person seemed to be a boy, so... Jeremy grabbed the boy's lower arm and flipped him over his shoulder. Jeremy acted as if his hand was dusty, so he hit them together.1
"You call this pain?" Jeremy asked before walking away. He put a finger on his eyes, but quickly flinched away.2
"That's quite a shiner." Kleo said from behind him, once he got to class. 3
"Kleo!" A girl's voice echoed in the class. They both turned to see a short girl with blond hair. Soon enough, her blue eyes were right in front of Jeremy's brown eyes. She took him by surprise, so he stepped back.4
"Come now, Leah." Kleo said to her, giving Leah a small smile. Leah was looking through some papers in her hands and handed one to Jeremy. A basketball sign up sheet.5
"You should play. You are tall." Leah said smiling up at him.6
"Or... your just short." He said bending over to her height. Leah laughed and patted his face. He smiled. 7
"Now now. Don't be calling people short just because your tall." Kleo said, laying her head on Jeremy's shoulder. Soon, enough there was a small crowd of boys walking over.
Comments
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Awsome! you did a great job with it, but the beginning is hard to understand. Its still awsome though. You have done great job with unfolding the plot of you are getting action in it to. It is very a good story, you should keep up the good work.
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The beginning paragraph is a bit confusing...the fighting a little, choppy and discouraging to the reader.
I love it, it is so very lifelike!! Very realistic yet interesting. Good job
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