the angel of heaven 21
(Narrator)2
A warrior named Makila is trapped in a world of evil. All she can do is fight the evilness that wants to take over her life and the people in it. Inside her wold, mind, and heart also lies a wonderful lover. Confused by all who fights her. she tears them apart clearing all evilness the enters her life.3
(Makila's thoughts)4
Is this the life I live. Fighting evil that enters my world. carpeted by my love I show him no pain nor do I have pain to suffer. In this life that I live what shall I do? Continue to love, yes. But what in this great world is my purpose? To fight the endless evil of this world. we'll come what may. Who ever shall come between me and mine shall fell my wrath.5
(Narrator) 6
Makila has no pain yes, But not for long. For now she suffers much pain. The loss of her lover. This puts her in great fury with the world around her. She fights all only to find the one that has committed the murder of her beloved lover.7
(Makila's thoughts)8
I must end this madness,The pain that lies within is way to much to bear. I must find the one that bestowed upon me so much pain and devour hes heart into peaces. I shall show him the pain he has cast upon me. For he shall never see the light of day. 9
(Narrator) 10
And so she had found her lovers killer. Ripped his heart out and never again will he see the light of day. The evil creature was sent to the pits of hell. But what's to be come of makila? Simply put, a wonderful thing is waiting to happen. For her life shall end soon, but only to become the angel of heaven. And there her lover awaits.11
(Makila's thoughts)12
What happened am i dying.I must have fills my purpose on earth. Were will i go? Were will i be? (Whispers in her ear tells her she is now the angel of heaven) What a wonderful thing to become an angel of the heavens. There I shall do nothing but be in the arms of of my lover. Always for the eternal angel that I am about to become. 13
(Narrator) 14
Makila's now living as the angel of heaven,Living eternally in the arms of her lover. She now fells now pain, And never again will Makila fight evil. Now shes the angel of heaven.15
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i wont to thanx you once agin for helping me i thank that its correct now thanx so much for you help
♥ crystal -
ok i went over it once agin and creceted it sorry for the mastakes that i had made i hope that you take the time to read it over and good luck with juging the contest
♥ crystal -
thanx so much and yea i shouls start using a dicconary it will help me a lot yea i have a spelling problem but im trying my best to work on it thanx alot for you help and i will correct it
Crystal -
Ok The spellchecker's not working this is what you need to fix: worrier should be warrior, wont's should be wants and it has no apostrophe. Confused by all who fight (no 's') her ,(comma not full stop) evilness that (not the). Grate should be great and fell should be feel. Every grate should be great. Ferry should be fury and bare should be bear. Peaces should be pieces and I'm not sure what devourer hes should be I think maybe devour his. Riped should be ripped,dieing should be dying and again fells should be feels. After a question mark or full stop and for names you always have a capital letter in the next word. I know all of this is a pain, but it improves your work (and I think it's worth working on). I still have a dictionary beside me when I write and I've been writing for seven years. Cheers
Kethry -
ok i fixed the the spelling i hope you like it
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ok i will defanetly let you know thans for leting me try agin
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thanx for the comment but i did use spell check but ill go over it
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Nicely thought out, but definately needs to be run through a spell and grammar check. When you've fixed it up, please let me know so I can read it again
Thank you for entering, and good luck with the contest.
Edited on Sep 03, 8:12 p.m. because ''. -
This is a good idea with lots of thought gone into making it work, however the spelling errors take away some of the joy of reading it and slowed the pace a little. If you aren't good at spelling using the spellchecker is a good idea. It won't help you with using grate instead of great but it will help with words like wold instead of world. Good luck in the contest.
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