Julie's story

It all seems to linger in my head.1

The sky so calm.2

Leaves falling from the trees.3

I remember it like it was yesterday.4

I was walking home from school.5

Katie was walking with me.6

Same talk as usual.7

"Did you know Joshua was going out with Carla?"Katie asked.8

Really?!9

"Yeah I know!"Katie said.10

"Wow"11

"Yeah I know!"12

So anyways what are you doing on Saturday?13

I don't know I said.14

Well do you wanna go to the movies?15

"Carl is going and Kevin too".16

"I might do something with my mom I said".17

"She's always crying about how we never do anything anymore".18

Mothers!19

How about Friday?20

Maybe...21

I'll call you ok? 22

Ok I said.That day was so stressing. I had so much homework piled up! The teacher even told me that if this keeps up she was going to have to talk to my mom. I really hope she doesn't. I told her I was going to do all of it "just don't call my mom" .23

She's already stressed out about dad being in the hospital. She doesn't need anymore stress. I just haven't done any of the homework because I've been thinking to much about dad. I keep remembering that time when my grandpa told me I was worth nothing just cause I didn't wash the clothes right and dad kept making funny faces to make me laugh. He never liked seeing me sad. I remember he had a fight with grandpa that day.24

"I don't care what you said to her!" 25

"Don't you ever say that to her again" His face was red. His hands were rolled into a fist. He was so mad.Grandpa was actually surprised.He's never seen him that mad. But grandpa just looked at him mad and left. I was actually kind of happy that he screamed at grandpa. He deserved it! I remember I was 8 then. I don't know why I keep remembering that.26

So here I am home sweet home!27

I can hear the screams coming from my mom's bedroom door.28

"Oh my god, that can't be she said".29

"We have to go now!"30

"I rushed in to see what was going on".31

Mom!32

Whats wrong?33

"We gotta go now!"34

Is it dad?35

Mom!36

In comes my little sister Sarah and my older brother Chris.37

"Whats wrong mom Chris said".38

"No time to explain said mom".39

"Just get in the car"40

I looked at Chris.41

Chris!42

"What do you think is going on?"43

"Is dad ok?"said Sarah.44

"I don't know said Chris"45

Mom was so anxious the doors flew open.46

The doctor was there. "Is he ok?"47

"We are trying to keep his pulse steady the doctor said".48

"We are really trying our best"49

"Just wait"50

"Wait?!" "Now we wait I said" 51

Sarah starts crying.52

There he was six feet under.53

I can't believe it.54

He's gone!55

Why!56

It wasn't supposed to be this way!57

"Christian was a great man"!"My best friend"."He was always there from the beginning".That was my dad's best friend talking.They were friends since high school.58

"Uncle Gorge to us".59

He started crying.60

"Man I'm going to miss him"!61

"Let us all just remember the good times we had".62

Mom couldn't take it so she left outside to take a breath.63

So I left to go check on her.64

You ok mom?65

It was obvious she wasn't.66

"Look honey I'm going home" she said.67

"You go tell Chris and Sarah that your leaving with uncle Gorge,ok?"68

Are you sure mom?69

"Its ok honey I'll be fine".70

Ok mom I love you.71

"I love you too hun" she said.72

That was it.73

They buried dad and we all went home with uncle Gorge.74

We were all silent on the ride back home.75

I was so used to listening to dads voice.76

Dad screaming to uncle Gorge.77

There usual fights about cars.78

It was so annoying!79

But I somehow miss that.80

When we got there Uncle Gorge asked us if we wanted to stay over his house next Saturday.81

"Hey and your mom can come too!"82

He tried smiling but he couldn't.83

We just looked at him said goodbye and left.84

"Well take care" he said.85

Chris went in first.86

I stayed outside with Sarah.87

Sarah started crying.88

"Hey Sarah".89

It's ok.90

I hugged her.91

"It's going to be ok". "It's not the end of the world you know".92

"I don't think that was the right thing to say".93

I was just so mad!94

She pulled away and sat down.95

Then Cris came out again.96

Only he was shocked.97

"Chris".98

Sarah said.99

Then I noticed the blood all over his hands and shirt.100

Chris I screamed!101

"She's dead" he said.102

What?!103

Sarah screamed.104

So I rushed in only to find mom on the floor.105

With blood all over her body.106

Dad's picture was on her left hand.107

"Oh my god!"108

Sarah tried to run in but Chris didn't let her.109

"Chris let me go!"110

"Let me go!"111

That was the last time I saw her and the worst day of my life!112

*************************************************************************113

Author notes

I just wrotte this.
(by the way this has nothing to do with my personal life)
Well I'm still in the writting process.I'm still not done.
So I guess you'll just have to wait,bye! I'm still editing,bye

What did you think? Please comment!

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • Crying Soul
    January 16, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Casi empese hijo de tu madre!

  • Csslzt13
    November 24, 2005
    Edit | Reply

    Keep writing. Please...

    Oh man, I hope you're not expecting me to be lenient with you on this one because I'm a friend.

    First of all, where's the story? All that was given here is a plot outline, it seems like. There's no description, no detail, no character development, no history, no story! Just a basic chapter one to what could be an epic teen novel about a girl learning to cope with life, but this is just....

    Where's the beef? Really, there just is no story here. Just a quick progression of events that lead to a rather uncomfortably abrupt ending.

    Oh, and the punctuation's off, too.

  • Crying Soul
    August 31, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the corrections.I really forgot about that.
    I'm going to edit it.I'll tell you when I'm done.Also thanks for reading!bye!


  • Ghost of a Siren
    August 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    Very very sad

  • PlayLikeWeAreInLove
    August 29, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    interesting story...sad though...the only thing is, to make it less confusing, you should put quotiations when people talk and commas to seperate them...

    example: "Oh my god, that can't be!" she said.

    otherwise, everything is hard to read...good idea for ur story though, its interesting...tell me when you write the next part!! byez
    ~Tainted ♥

1 - 5 of 5