Humphrey Says NO To Drugs

On one unfortunate day Humphrey the Frog ended up alone in a big city. He searched and searched for a new playmate, but no seemed to want to pick him up and bring him home. They just walked on by, ignoring the poor, extremely bored amphibian.1

In his quest for fun Humphrey wandered into the bad part of town. The buildings were all made of brick and rotted from the inside out. Trash littered the streets and filthy thugs prowled the darkened alleyways. Admiring the atmosphere, he suddenly felt an especially disgusting hand reach down and grab him.2

"Hey little fella. Whatcha doing here?" It was a young man, no more than 25, and he looked like death. Tall, lanky, and nothing but skin and bones. His bloodshot eyes inspected Humphrey from out of his sunken sockets. "I've read about toads and such like you; bet I could get a good buzz off ya." With this idiotic logic he walked away with a struggling Humphrey in his hands.3

Moments later the more than peeved frog was trapped under a laundry basket in the young man's "home". This term is used loosely as it was merely a one-room pile of musty clothing and needles with one very large meth lab at its heart. Seeing this Humphrey became even more enraged; drug addicts are never as entertaining as innocent people.4

While the fool began fiddling with some of his beakers Humphrey pushed against his basket prison. Usually he liked to take the opportunity to form a unique plan for every occasion, but he didn't want to waste his time on that imbecile. Slowly the boots weighting the basket down started to slip off, inch by inch.5

Freedom was Humphrey's just as the very dumb druggie lit a match to start up his lab. Quickly the creature jumped and knocked the match from the more than surprised meth-head. The frog made another leap to the closed door, somehow squeezing his figure under the crack and to safety. His captor was not so lucky.6

Startled by Humphrey, and more than slightly high, the young man didn't have the reflexes to catch the flame before it made contact with his chemical concoction. The reaction was instantaneous. 7

In less than a second the chemicals ignited. Our young drug-using friend was hit with a wave of flames. It burnt his skin to a charcoal black, the intense heat causing his eyes to burst. His blood boiled, and then evaporated with the heat. The sheer force of the explosion threw him against the opposite wall of his apartment so hard he almost went through it. As he flew back the flare continued to devour him. When the coroner looked at him more than an hour later there was nothing left but a partially disintegrated skeleton. 8

Unfortunately for nearby citizens of the dumpy street the explosion was a large one. The wall facing the street blew out. The apartment had been on the third floor and burning bricks and shrapnel rained down upon more unsuspecting victims. A shameless hobo taking his afternoon poop on the sidewalk had his head smashed in by a clump of wall. His skull caved, blood and brain matter spilling into the nearby gutter.9

Two little girls in their summer jumpers stopped their game of hopscotch, shrieking at the top of their pretty lungs. Soon they were cut down by a volley of fiery shards of the metal table on which the fatal lab had been placed. Their skinned was torn right of the bone, revealing one girls skull. The sharper pieces pierced right through them and into the building behind them. 10

Humphrey made it to a first floor window just in time to watch them collapse onto one another. Twitches could be seen coming from one tiny body. That girl would be alive, in brutal agony, for another thirteen hours after her friend’s death.11

Moans and cries could be heard all around the block, so many were suffering. Though he would have enjoyed having someone of his own choosing, Humphrey the Frog couldn't help but admire the scene of utter devastation the young man had helped him achieve.12