She seemed to be lost in thought, walking along the railways, silent as a shadow crossing some place forgotten by humankind.1
Her red hair was moving with the delicate breeze, and her olive eyes were shining with the moonlight as brilliant marvels.2
She sighed, thinking as a lonely spirit free in this small world that seemed to turn smaller to her.3
Her figure was dancing with the sounds of the night, and something made her stop in a sudden.4
A gasp came from his mouth like smoke in the freezing night, and was the only sound heard from her all around.5
She took some steps back and then turned and ran with all her spirit, trying to escape, trying to fly.6
She was a foreign, a dreamer, someone born to see.7
And she fled from what she could see, but was trapped still.8
This wold was turning into ashes, this world was a complete mess, but people lived like birds flying with the flow of things, without noticing everything around.9
But she could see, she smell the rotten air and was terrified.10
Even then, somehow, she could live and love life with so much force it seemed impossible because she, as some people, could see and needed to swallow what they saw, and handle all the gift they were given...11
She ran until she reached a pound and stopped.12
Souls were trapped in that pound and they made her think.13
She reached them with her hand but the water just slipped from it.14
So she sat down and closed her eyes.15
She was different, but even then she wanted to help the lost souls.16
But she can't, each people find their ways alone, even when they're not at all, so she got up and looked at the moon smiling.17
She was blessed, and cursed as well... but she kept living, and liked to live.218
She could see, she could judge, and she tried to help but she was just a lonely soul... someone that was forced to see.3
Author notes
This is usually how I see the world... what more can I say?
In a list
A contest entry
- Fantabulously Flashy Flash Fiction by Asfand.
135 points, ended July 26, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 400 words for an introvert by travis34dietC.
123 points, ended August 4, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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"This world was turning into ashes, this world was a complete mess, but people lived like birds flying with the flow of things, without noticing everything around.
But she could see, she smell the rotten air and was terrified"
This is how I see the world too. Your story makes so much sense to me. It's so utterly true.
Thanks for your entry! -
In my limited grasp, this mayhaps is about someone who desperately wants to get away from the harsh realities she sees in this world and turn to a more peaceful place. I liked the concept ( as I get it, anyway ) and this has the potential to be great story.
A suggestion: flesh it out. Make it more dynamic in concept and character. Bring more emotion and more clarity in your concept.
Great idea and well-penned story!
Good luck! Thank you for your entry!
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Interesting...but I have one question/suggestion. What was she running from? You made it a fairly important part of the story, yet failed to finish that idea out and reveal from what she was so desperately fleeing.
The grammar issues can be fixed with a close once-over and spell-check.
Nicely written!
~sberendt
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She was running from what she was able to see... huummm I notice now I didn't make that aspect clear
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Thanks for the review! I'll check grammar as well... I am having a few problems with it because english isn't the language I normaly speak...but well, Thank you so much!
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