Jenny turned around hoping he would 1
be there, but nothing she was alone in2
the dark room. She walked slowly out of3
her unused bedroom and into her4
precious daughter Hailey's room. The5
sweet six month old girl was sound asleep.6
Jenny pulled the rocking chair close to7
the crib. She sat rocking and looking at 8
Hailey. As she sat she realized how 9
much her baby girl looked just like her10
father and she began to cry.11
Hailey was much to young to notice that 12
her daddy was no longer there. Every time13
she said Dada when she saw someone that 14
resembled him, Jenny's heart broke again.15
It was nearly a month since John had left16
them. She was still angry and confused. 17
The question "Why had he done it?" spun18
through her mind constantly. Jenny was so19
unsure how she would tell Hailey that her 20
daddy took his own life.Jenny began to cry21
harder as she slowly rocked herself to sleep.22
Author notes
I commented on Broken Valentin by NoikoYen...This may continue or may stop here I'm not sure what to do with it...let me know what you think I should do!
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I really liked this simple piece. You immediately brought me into your story and just as quickly let me on my way. that's powerful writing...have you thought of being a playwright..you're work feels like it.
btw, thanks so much for visiting my soap opera Guilty Pleasures. I'm the only one on here posting a soap and it's a lonely world out there...but people like you who, who click on it and read it give me the confidence to keep posting. I started it 15 years ago, and would love to have the chance to keep posting enough to be able to continue writing it again. -
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Thanks a lot I'm glad you enjoyed this, I know theres not a whole lot of detail and it just kinda stops but i was meaning to continue it and I just never got the inspiration to do so, short stories arent really my thing but I try...and no I have never considered being a playwright, interesting thought though
And it was my pleasure to read your soap, it was a wonderful read and I look forward to reading more of it. Please do keep posting, I'm sure i'm not the only one who enjoys it...Wow I can't even imagine writting something for that long, I'm so impacient and want my writting to come together quickly, but you did a wonderful job with it and I wish you the best of luck!
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this is very sad
but can be made into a decent short story, add alittle bit about the mom & the dad, and tell what made the dad want to die, and how he died. then break it into paragraphs. i can help you edit if you want. Linda King CT-USA
the way it is now, it would be better as a poem.beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 5, overall: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
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excellent
omg, this is so sad, it brought tears to my eyes...very well written, though.... -
No little girl should be without there father.
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forgive my puntuation please, I am horrible at using it correctly.
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This was really good as is, but then again if it were longer (I'm assuming this is in the story catergory) there would be more depth and a better way to captivate the reader - But that is your call... Well done overall. My only advice would be a bit more punctuation where needed. This is very sad, and moving. Thanks for entering! Good luck! (if you decide to edit it before the contest ends im me and let me know)
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THnx so much your words were really encouraging..no it wasn't a real life expirence just something that came out when I was writing today...but what do you think, should I try to continue or stop it there? and I will be sure to check out some of your poems! thnx for the comment
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great
that was really really really good. i hope that wasnt some type of real life experience. anyways i pictured everything that went on as you told it. your write was the first one all day that caught my attention and eye. hopefully youll stop by and check outm one of mine. keep up the good work and never stop writting.
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