WANTED:2
I’m writing this ad because I’m desperately seeking a dude I’ve only dreamed about. I know he’s out there somewhere, so PLEASE read this and text-message me right away at desperatelyseekingjay@aol.com okay? Here’s some 411 for ya’all:3
So I, like, was at this joint in Chelsea a year ago, and they were talkin’ bout this guy, Jay, who lost his mean, bad parent and they sooo sent him to the orphanage? Well, after being in there for a WHOLE year, this nice family came and took him home and adopted him. They forced him to wear all black, like this DRESS thing YEAH I kid you not! And they waited for months for him to grow a proper beard, but it, like, wouldn’t grow? So they stuck him out in the hayloft and made him milk cows. Why, I heard they even made their neighbors bring THEIR cows over so he wouldn’t have any time at all to himself. And every Saturday they stuck him out in the fields and dressed him up like a scarecrow and made him just STAND there for hours. But he ran away after a year. I saw his picture in the newspaper with the story, and he was real cute. He looked like he would know how to treat a girl right, ya know? I really wanted to meet him but nobody at the paper would cop to his address. Grr.4
Then, like, a year later? I heard about this other dude, and his name was Jay too! I think it’s the same Jay! No really. He was, like, really goofy and stuff? And he was so silly that the day before his nineteenth birthday (he had lied to all his friends, saying he was going to be eighteen to get more presents!) yeah, so he was out in a parking lot setting off, like, fireworks? And he ah, looked UP, I mean way up, dudes, and there was this mothership of all motherships and it like TOOK him; just beamed him right up! But he was back in a second cause they have, like, accelerated time there? Yeah well, they said his name was Jay, and SO not Scotty. The poor baby
5So please, like, ANYONE knowing who this mysterious-cute-funny Jay-dude is, get a hold of me PLEASE or I’ll just DIE, I know it
6~Desperately Seeking Jay7
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~8
Dear Desperately Seeking Jay:9
Get a life. And STOP using semi-colons- they suck!10
LOSER.11
~ANONYMOUS JERK12
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~13
A year after this fateful reply was received, Ileana was at the local hangout- Starbuck’s Coffee- when she spied a handsome young man who looked quite familiar. Walking up to him, she exclaimed in surprise:14
“Oh my God! Oh my God, oh my God, like, O H... M Y... G O D! You look like the boy who was taken by the mothership of all motherships! And, the dude who was forced to milk cows and be a scarecrow for an Amish family gone mad! Co-in-kee-din-ky weird! Are ya Jay?”15
The young man smiled at the pretty (albeit goth-looking) young lady and replied, “Yup. That’s me. Guess you read about me, huh? Hey, it’s my birthday today. You wanna go catch the latest gaming exposition? I hear they setup some pret-ty neato stuff to try out.” Jay prayed this pretty young girl would say yes. 16
“Heck yeah I do! I’ve been desperately seeking you for some time. After all, you made it a year with those black-dressed beard-loving gaming-hating cow-milking scarecrow-enlisting peeps so, I bet you could go like, a whole lifetime with me! Whata you say, eh? It’d be AWESOME and, like, wicked fun. Well, so long as you don’t blow me up, beam me up, or make me milk any cows, that is. Yeah."17
Ileana reached for Jay’s keyboard-callused hand, propelling him through the door of the Starbuck’s, wide-eyed and wondering if he was off on an even scarier adventure than what he'd already encountered in his fantastic past. Oh well, Jay mused, She does seem enthusiastic, and I need enthusiasm and amusement in a girl. But... I do hope she doesn’t still use semi-colons: cause that’d really suck!18
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAY!
Adding your comment:
sort of thing going on here...
sis... thanks for the laugh
Bony hand 
Ah thank you Yem for always reading my stuff and being honest. Makes me skip when ya like it 
Where's my 
