Chapter 28: HomeDance

The sweet tinkling of mummer bells peppered the air as the chestnut mare 1

made her way through the vast green of the land. Every inch of her was 2

pure mummer bred, complete with ribbons braided cheerfully through mane 3

and tail. No matter how many times I turned my head away and attempted 4

to close my ears, the memories still found a way to surface to the 5

center of my mind. My heart was being cut deeper by every step that I 6

took away from the family which I had so quickly come to call my own.  7

Pain despite the physical health of my body- more pain than I had 8

thought possible to feel- the only event that could have compared was 9

the death of my mother, no matter how ancient it was. 10

Thoughts of Burton and his glorious music filled my skull as I carefully 11

patted the saddlebag on my side of the mummer animal. More precious than 12

any food ration that the traveling performers could have spared; the 13

saddlebag contained the very soul of their troupe: Burton’s violin. I 14

had focused every hair of energy within me to stop him from giving away 15

such a magnificent gift- such a massive piece of his soul. 16

“I could use a new one for I have owned this one ever since I first 17

understood what music was,” Burton had said, grinning above masked 18

sorrow, “I know that you will take good care of her- perhaps she will be 19

able to heal your soul completely as she did mine.” A hint of something 20

buried far in the sands of the past lingered in his words, however at 21

the time I was too concerned for him loosing his life’s love to show 22

much interest in the concept.23

“Give her to Kael when you find him, perhaps then he will understand 24

that Fiona is not the girl to run away with.”25

My smile sagged before I quickly drew it back together into a perfect 26

picture of false joy. Resting on the top of my sorrowful farewell was 27

the lie that I had told about the true whereabouts of the two missing 28

angels. For how could I have explained that they had flown away into the 29

night from the waters of a lake? It was too much- and the pain of 30

loosing Kael was too fresh to be touched without the consequence of 31

agony. I had claimed that I was leaving to find the two and therefore 32

reclaim Kael as my own- I had only given the smallest glimmer of hope to 33

my adopted family that I would be returning to them at any time in my 34

life. 35

I had watched the mummers until the final traces of them had disappeared 36

into the lush green of the hills, the children waving enthusiastic 37

goodbyes.38

“Play it,” Spirit’s warm words cut into my memories, knowing as he 39

always did what I needed to hear the most.40

“I- don’t know how…” and I was afraid. I was afraid of what it would 41

recall to my mind about the many adventures that I had endured since 42

leaving the protective lands of my home; I had borne the painful burden 43

of sentimental emotion too much in the past few days. I was now a 44

wanderer without any place to call home, any true purpose. Something 45

drew me northward, back to the places that I had dwelled in during the 46

days of my youth. 47

WinterRose… the laundry house…the River…48

“Try,” Spirit coaxed, the singular word weaving itself into the gentle 49

twinkling of the horse’s bells, creating its own melody, “Perhaps you 50

can discover peace from that which you have lost- or a pathway of 51

return…”52

“Spirit, where are we going?” I broke his attempts at enchantment by 53

wisdom, questioning him for the first time since I had known him, “I 54

feel so useless…empty…” I trailed off, waiting for him to answer my 55

question, when he remained silent I added, “Perhaps we should go to 56

Faerie instead of back home…”57

“There are those you left behind without ceremony, those who wish to 58

know what has become of you and deserve to know. Wrongs that you still 59

have yet to correct-” it was in a type of half-riddle, as always leaving 60

me with the curiosity of how this man knew such things,61

“- Faerie is not a place to hide from your troubles.”62

Settled without specific conversation on the topic I knew that I was 63

heading back to WinterRose, allowing the invisible pull to lead me. We 64

traveled through every bit of daylight that shone down upon the earth, 65

never giving up any possible ground to idleness. I attempted the unknown 66

wonders of the mummer instrument every day, recalling Burton’s example 67

and bringing musical cheer to our travels. It is difficult to state 68

whether it did more destruction or healing for I knew nothing of the 69

instrument than what I had seen worked through the skilled fingers of 70

Burton with the occasional lesson to Kael. Yet Spirit urged me forward 71

into the music, forcing me to continue no matter the horrific quality of 72

my sound. 73

The mild sense of Faeries followed us as we traveled, occasionally 74

peeking out from behind the forest’s trees to find the music’s source. I 75

longed to call out to them, to greet them and explain that I belonged 76

among them- that I knew of their secrets. Yet Spirit would find my 77

glance when the urge hit, levelly telling me in his wordless way that it 78

was best not to do such a thing and leave the mythical beings to their 79

own tasks. Yet as I puzzled the instrument out a grander host of Faeries 80

would find me and gather at times to listen as I slid bow across strings 81

during each evening’s campfire. 82

My skill gradually, painfully, improved until I started to form melodies 83

within jumbled bits of notes without proper name. I knew not what to 84

play- for what could compare to the magic that this instrument had once 85

known? Yet as we drew north I could sense a familiar sound, a place- a 86

face that I had once known dearly, deeply. I took that tune and created 87

a shower of notes to accompany it, finding the locked rooms in my heart 88

where this glorious thing had once existed. It was the sound of the 89

River- my River that had fed me life for so long that I knew not what it 90

could be like without it. Now I knew- I knew the truths of the outside 91

and even though the River was no longer the protective cloak that 92

shielded me from lands beyond, it was the origin of all things that I 93

loved. It was forever constant, always moving and changing- leading to 94

places new. It had led me to my adventures, had it not? Now it had 95

become a mother smiling at its child who returned with new knowledge 96

acquired from the world.97

We reached the rushing blanket of water barely a day later, just as the 98

sun was touching the earth with final tendrils of light before retiring 99

for the night.100

I instantly became a child again, stowing away from my responsibilities 101

for just a tiny bit of silliness that held no conventional purpose. I 102

sprinted to the water’s edge, kicking off my boots whilst pulling my 103

locks out of their restraints. The element was cool and wet upon my 104

skin, a comforting calmness glorious to behold- and to feel. With more 105

enthusiasm than one of my age was known to have I jumped in the water, 106

savoring the mud that seeped between my toes, to coat the bottoms of my 107

feet with brown. My mind could not recall the last time that I had 108

allowed myself such a luxury- that time was so far beyond the now. 109

My companion watched from a distant position on the riverbank, allowing 110

me enough room for the illusion of solitude. Spirit’s far away face was 111

glowing with a grin, radiating from the light that illuminated his 112

heart. A good cluster of moments past, still he made no move to stop me- 113

to calm me from this sudden frenzy of childish indulgence. 114

Welcome, welcome, the River’s waters sang in a tiny coo, welcome home my 115

dear.116

As warm as the song was to my heart, my thought weighed heavily atop it. 117

Here I was, back with the life that I had let go yet I was still not 118

entirely jovial- there memories remained of what I had discovered in the 119

lands beyond. Realization came into existence and I knew the immediate 120

truth: I may love the River, yet I could never completely come home to 121

it- I could never entirely become a humble citizen of WinterRose again. 122

My knowledge had grown too much for that.123

I should have been stuck with another pang of sorrow at the idea, unable 124

to return to what I wished the most to understand. Yet a part of me was 125

unsurprised, life could exist without the River and I knew how to thrive 126

in that life. I gazed downwards into the waters, watching every piece of 127

light that the depths reflected back to the heavens. Perhaps, for the 128

first time, I would follow the waters upstream and go in the opposite 129

direction of the current. Perhaps…130

“Come on Spirit,” I waved him over, “Home is not far now…” 131

I took a step upstream, not allowing the current to push me backwards, 132

no matter how swift it became. Spirit followed at a decent distance on 133

the bank, leaving me with my thoughts. 134

Images flooded my memory as I stepped forward, reminding me of what 135

exactly I had abandoned eons earlier. What had become of my hometown- 136

had the Gaels destroyed it completely? Were there any people left who 137

might remember me- the twins, baby Grace, Dylan, Caelum… Would I be able 138

to discover that elusive concept of belonging? Waves of doubt flowed 139

after that thought, for I knew that I had outgrown the tiny town of 140

WinterRose long ago…141

Forests fell away around the water, and gradually, so gradually, the 142

roadway of liquid narrowed to greater calmness, allowing me to fight the 143

current with growing ease. I found myself at the crest of a familiar 144

hill overlooking the valley that would have cradled my town within it. I 145

was almost certain that this was the exact same spot that I had looked 146

back from when I had departed as an entirely different person.147

The buildings that spread themselves in front of me were entirely 148

unknown to my eyes- resembling something vastly greater than a simple 149

Celtic town of the north. It now stretched from the southern branch of 150

the River to Arlen’s house then back to the River crossing that 151

separated my home from the bustle of town life. Newly constructed and 152

modern, it could have resembled a port town of the south alive with 153

business and trade- yet there was one sight that pained an observer the 154

greatest: a clear division existed down the heart of the town’s stone 155

streets, protecting distinctively different people on each side from one 156

another. Street vendors were step up on both sides, calling out their 157

wares to any person who remained on their respective half of the street; 158

each world would have rather that the other never existed. 159

The northern half was laced with careful familiarity, buildings built of 160

stone complemented by lush green overhangings, streets filled with the 161

laughter of children who understood not the world that they had been 162

born into. Every inch of the northern half resembled the town that I had 163

once been a citizen of despite its massive size. However the southern 164

half was of a culture from across the ocean, a civilization of 165

conquerors attempting to steal away the identity of the native people in 166

these lands. The Gaelic form of architecture was awkward to my eyes, 167

even though I had seen it frequently on my travels. Wooden homes with 168

thatched roofs devoid of any form of living nature, as if the building 169

itself spurned the beauty of the earth. No laughter bothered to weave 170

itself into the air, no children were allowed to spent time in ideal 171

play, for idleness was not permitted so long as work existed to be done. 172

Work to keep the mind occupied and, even more specifically, away from 173

the inevitable curiosity that grew within every child about places 174

forbidden. 175

I glanced mournfully back at Spirit, “It is no longer mine.”176

Spirit wrapped me in a warm hug, allowing his affection to seep into my 177

skin. I glanced up into his face and saw the image of my dear lost Angel 178

more clearly than ever before. My mind lost a form of clarity with 179

anything in the surrounding world forming its own illusions. I leaned 180

upwards, extending my lips in the gesture of a half-kiss, begging for 181

the return of such ultimate affection. In that moment I wanted Spirit to 182

be Kael- I willed it with every fiber that rushed through my being. I 183

made Spirit into Kael- until his gentle yet firm hand gripped my chin, 184

forcing my face downwards. Tenderly- so tenderly! - he rested his lips 185

upon my forehead and placed a kiss as dainty as a butterfly’s wing upon 186

it. A tear began to form in one of my eyes, knowing that this man was 187

the friendly philosopher that I had come to love and not the Angel who 188

had loved me.189

Yet I was certain that his lips had kissed me in precisely the same spot 190

that Kael’s had on the night we parted…191

I pulled back from him, not finding the comfort that I longed for. I 192

turned back to WinterRose, “Come- I know that you will want to meet my 193

brother and sister! Especially Grace- I know you’ll love her!”194

“I will not be accompanying you, Kara,” his tones were deflated and 195

empty, “I have places to go-other places that I am needed. You have no 196

need of me anymore, for all other things must be experienced on your 197

own. Aside from that, I doubt that your family would welcome a mostly 198

Gaelic man into their home.”199

My family had never been supportive of the concept of discrimination- 200

yet in this time no one was predictable anymore.201

“Goodbye Kara,” Spirit said before turning to walk away.202

I threw my arms around him, clinging desperately to him as the final 203

line of support from my adventures in the world beyond. I spoke not a 204

word, fearing the loathsome concept of farewell, for it had pained me 205

too deeply as of late.206

The moment past; Spirit freed himself from my grasp. I watched him until 207

the last remnants of his physical self disappeared into the forest so 208

that I was certain he was truly gone. I was alone again.209

~210

My home town shunned me as I stepped through its streets- streets that I 211

no longer knew nor recognized, for time had transformed them into 212

something new. I found myself left behind in a reality that no longer 213

existed. A shade of habit overwhelmed me, forcing my feet to follow the 214

familiar pathway to the main street that I had once treaded. My 215

conscious mind begged for something of remembrance- Alana and Bary’s 216

family inn, the dressmaker’s shop, the laundry house- anything that 217

continued to exist from the village that I had known.218

Yet I was unable to find anything of the nature, for these cobblestone 219

streets were foreign to my feet. Fear seized me, curious if my potential 220

position was correct. I wandered down the Celtic streets, hoping for a 221

memory to come alive.222

As I passed one of the smaller inns I was met by a cluster of young 223

children filled with merriment and carefree. I was immediately reminded 224

of the mummer children that I had come to love, thus slowed a bit to 225

observe their antics of play. Their game was also unknown to me, another 226

painful observation of the growing gap between my years as a child and 227

that of an adult. With my more sagely eyes I detected the near poverty 228

in their homespun clothing, how the rapid growth of a child never 229

allowed a family of lesser wealth to keep up. Such things would have 230

never bothered my thoughts before, yet now that I had seen wealth I knew 231

what could possibly be.232

Yet, on a more sentimental note, familiarity- sweet familiarity! - rang 233

in their look, their mannerisms, their movements. I had known someone 234

before that lived now within them, for they called to the past while 235

somehow pushing towards the future.236

As I watched two timid, rebellious children snuck across the grand 237

divide of the town to find the key to curiosity in the Celtic game. It 238

was a boy and girl of entirely different character, wrapped in simple 239

garments which lacked ornamentation or beauty- ideal for hastily growing 240

children. They were grey when standing next to the native children of 241

WinterRose, yet the glow in their wondrous little eyes was undeniably 242

the same. With no regard to the teachings of their culture, they 243

inquired if they could join the other children’s game. No hesitation 244

rippled through the assembled group, no question as to the possibility 245

of welcome acceptance- with laughter and friendship, the Celtic children 246

gladly allowed the Gaelic explorers into their circle of play.247

O such wisdom in short amounts of years! Such innocent love giving forth 248

to any who would accept it! Miraculous acceptance without second thought 249

or worry! How could this be? Celts and Gaels playing together happily- 250

willingly as brothers and sisters! Somehow they had become friends 251

despite the invisible walls that the town had forged between them.252

Sadly the peace was not able to last, for after a short period of time a 253

distinctly Celtic man rushed onto the scene, waving his arms while 254

scolding the children that he shared bloodlines with. He may not have 255

been the father of any of these little ones, yet he refused to allow 256

them to be corrupted by the spawn of invaders. He screamed curses at the 257

little Gaels in his native tongue, face burning in crimson anger. The 258

frightened innocents fled, understanding the hatred within his quick 259

words. I assumed that they returned to their comfort of their homes 260

within the society that had borne them, but was too occupied with 261

watching the man as he scolded the children about the evils of Gaels. 262

Ivory washed over my features as memory plucked at my thoughts, for even 263

though his physical self had been greatly altered, I still recognized 264

him.265

Yet now his brow carried heavier burdens than I had ever thought 266

possible in the tiny world of WinterRose, his body had grown more into 267

the form of a man with burly structure- where he had been robbed of some 268

of the privileges of youth. I caught the sense of knowledge somehow 269

locked into the younger veins of a man that I had once known. Some of me 270

wished to leap to him, thrown my childish arms around his neck and 271

embrace him as a long lost brother. The remainder, however, remained 272

triumphant to claim me as only an onlooker. 273

As his stony eyes followed the evil children to be certain that they 274

were vacating, the pair of hard pupils discovered me. Thought clouded 275

above the stone, breaking coldness wide open so that it was vulnerable 276

to friendliness. Familiarity- remembrance- so sweet! So glorious! All of 277

my doubts were washed away in that moment. My lips slipped apart from 278

one another to mouth his name but another, female, voice stole the word 279

out of my throat.280

“Caelum?!” it called buttered with sweetness, “Oh, Caelum!”281

The voice’s owner stepped onto the cobblestones at the small inn’s 282

entrance. My thoughts immediately named the woman who had reentered my 283

world so suddenly- the bright blonde curls pulled loosely back into a 284

working braid, those sparkling blue eyes coupled with the bright voice: 285

oh yes, I knew this woman. Even though she was barefoot, pregnant, and 286

wielded a wooden spoon in one hand and an enfant in the other I could 287

never doubt her.288

Alana.289

“Caelum dear- there you are!” she grinned, glancing past me as if I were 290

another simple traveler looking through the town for a suitable 291

inn, “Can you help me with…”292

She trailed off as she noticed that his thoughts were lodged elsewhere, 293

laced through the unbroken eye contact with my face. Alana followed her 294

friend’s unyielding gaze, coming to rest upon me in a more thoughtful 295

glance. The innkeeper’s daughter gasped, instantly jumping to Caelum’s 296

side and gripping his arm.297

We stared at one another in silence for a handful of heartbeats.298

“Kara?” the name was thoroughly, strongly pronounced.299

We shared a bond- lasting, marvelous, deep- before the baby began to cry 300

for its mother’s attention. Barely a tiny handful of cries later Caelum 301

jumped to the child, taking it into his arms and cooing a sweet calming. 302

The child- Alana’s child- quieted, carefully relaxing in the hands of 303

its father’s loving touch. My eyes became drawn to my childhood friend’s 304

round stomach before sliding upwards to the jovial parents, smiling over 305

their union of professed affection. Every vein within my body ceased 306

working, drying up into a shallow nothing devoid of any possible thought 307

or emotion. Perhaps I should have foreseen this and its possibility- 308

perhaps I should have known…309

My betrothed had gone to another.310

“Kara it is you!” Alana finally spoke, allowing a smile onto her lips 311

while she rushed to embrace me as an old friend would- yet the reality 312

of her chosen path was quickly jabbed into my mid-section without a 313

possibility of concealment. I noticed that the child within my once-314

betrothed arms had precisely the same eyes that rested within this 315

woman’s face. My leaden arms refused to return her embrace.316

“I’m so grateful that you are safe!” this former friend continued, 317

seemingly not seeing my unwelcoming reactions, even within her ravishing 318

smile I could find no reason for acceptance.319

“I see that you have been doing many things while I have been gone,” my 320

eyes rolled down once again to the swell in her belly, to the child in 321

her mate’s hands, “I suspect that you are happy with your choice?”322

I directed that comment, more specifically, toward the man that once 323

called my betrothed. He was currently doting over the miracle of a child 324

that he had made. In truth these words were not even directed to this 325

traitorous once friend but to the simple air itself. For after such an 326

offense I would not see another need to speak with these beings again.327

Alana continued her speech without regard to my bitterness, “This is our 328

little Aralin, isn’t she so sweet? At the moment Polaris is still asleep-329

that’s Aralin’s twin….”330

The girl had become only a new form of breeding machine, fit to create 331

new calves for the next generation of the village. I doubted greatly 332

that they would be raised with any vast difference to Alana’s own 333

experiences. Forever stuck into one single niche was she, a horror that 334

I had not known of when we were friends. Would this have been my fate if 335

I had remained?336

Yet that thought was least prominent on my mind, for as I attempted to 337

run away I found only the betrayal that Caelum had left behind. Why had 338

he not waited for me? It appeared as if he had quickly fallen into 339

Alana’s arms (and marriage bed), not long after I had left for my 340

adventures. I had returned in part for him, to honor the promises that I 341

had made to his, and our, future. Without even the faintest hint of 342

sorrow he had abandoned all of that for a woman who had once been a 343

close friend.344

“Did you leave Polaris alone?” Caelum’s sharp worry cut me hard.345

“No, mama is with her, the dear.” I would not have expected the gentle, 346

maternal tone that her voice carried with it. 347

“How long have you been on your feet today?” Caelum advanced upon his 348

wife, taking her arm, “You should be lying down, what Estrucin said…”349

She looked away, somehow wishing to argue with the man that she had 350

trusted her entire being with.351

“Go lie down upstairs for now,” he slid the infant into her waiting 352

arms; “I will speak with Kara.”353

I realized at that moment that the children whom Caelum had scolded had 354

moved their play to another area. Thus, once Alana submissively entered 355

her inn after nodding a quick farewell to me I was alone with the man 356

that I should have been married to. Such was the role of a WinterRose 357

wife. 358

We were left staring blankly at one another, neither daring to cross the 359

drastic divide that had risen up between our lives. Betrayal was coming 360

to dominate my emotions, anger was seeping into every piece of my veins 361

and begging to be given flight. I had no knowledge of the man who stood 362

in front of me now, he could have been but a stranger with neither name 363

nor face. Another woman’s husband, pledged, it appeared, within every 364

custom of the land. I loathed him.365

“Kara-” he began, wishing to fill up the awkwardness between our hearts 366

with some form of comfort, yet the best possible words were unable to 367

appear. 368

“Kara I’m sorry, I just-” he began again, this time taking a gigantic 369

breath, “We all thought that you were dead- all of us. We all thought 370

that he Gaelic army carried you and that warrior woman off to the south, 371

and when no ransom demand was made the entire town began to wonder- and 372

worry. Time kept going Kara- it rushed forward as the world exploded at 373

its seams! Change came rushing at this little village with roaring 374

hunger, eager to eat any who resisted it! It was impossible to remain in 375

the days of the past when the future was becoming so drastically 376

different with every passing breath! 377

“I had to move on Kara so that I could find some to experience the 378

change with someone who was here, who was constant and could tether me 379

to reality. You were not here Kara- you abandoned the entire town when 380

it could have most used you! You became only a sweet memory of childhood-381

but I needed something concrete to rely on and keep me solid. They took 382

every man, Kara, every man of able body to fight in their outrageous 383

war! My family, friends, neighbors- they were all ripped from me within 384

one night of terror when the Gaelic lords took complete control of this 385

place. I was only allowed to stay due to some of the injuries that I had 386

taken during the fire- I was the only one with such wonderful luck. They 387

took Bary- Bary and Dylan.”388

Such a wonderful method of cultural destruction! The disease of war 389

burned into the minds of the conquered- the fear of what would come upon 390

them if they attempted to rebel against their massive new empire. My 391

brother and Alana’s twin- forced to fight for a cause that mattered not 392

to them! A cause with only a hollow ring of concept in it, for Celtic 393

men would have been meant for rushing the enemy senseless no matter how 394

great the cost of life.395

Caelum continued with his tale, “Not long after the men were marched 396

south news of Bary’s death reached his family. He had been attempting to 397

escape in order to return here, thus was killed on sight by one of his 398

Gaelic superiors. Alana had lost a brother and me a betrothed; we 399

quickly came to rely on one another for support and to conquer the 400

question of the world’s stability. We became closer than I had thought 401

we could.402

“Within a moon of Bary’s death we were married, and in those dynamic 403

times not much ceremony could be given to our union. We had a quiet 404

wedding with only our broken families to witness. I had come to realize 405

that I could no longer wait for you Kara- I thought that you were gone 406

for all time. Yet even when Alana told me that she carried our child I 407

was still being consumed with thoughts of you. I didn’t want you to be 408

an apparition in my mind any longer- deep within I had wanted Alana to 409

be you. But when the twins were born I knew for certain that Alana was 410

the innkeeper’s daughter and the flute-playing farmer’s daughter that I 411

had loved was lost…”412

My ears were unsatisfied. His tale was not an excuse, only a woven loom 413

of confusion and broken memories containing no coherent concept. No 414

words could be summoned to explain this reality to him of how and why I 415

had left him behind. He was speaking to the Kara that he remembered from 416

the man that he had become. He would not have understood my reasons- yet 417

at this point I no longer understood my own reasons. 418

“I hope that you are happy,” deflated tones wrapped themselves in 419

nothingness, “I certainly hope that you are happy with the life that you 420

have chosen.”421

I left him with those words still fresh in the air, walking towards the 422

distant home that I had once known. Even though he shouted for me to 423

come and visit with him and Alana I continued placing one foot in front 424

of the other, vowing to never cross paths with either of them at any 425

moment in the future.426

~427

I would have been crying if this same situation had occurred in my 428

previous life. But now I had no reason to- no true emotive need to make 429

use of the wetness that could be created when being moved by an 430

inspiration. Pieces of my consciousness were grateful that Caelum had 431

chosen another in my place and had no waited for me. Perhaps hope still 432

existed for Kael and me- if he was still here. 433

My feet carried me out of the buildings and absentmindedly into the 434

pathway that I had crossed many times a day as I passed between home and 435

WinterRose. I crossed the familiar bridge that led over my beloved 436

River, gurgling merrily as I passed it by. It called out to me, wanting 437

me to play in its cool current, to feel the sensation of mud as it 438

curled between my fingers. Yet my unanswering feet continued forward 439

through this new portal into the past from the present.440

The farm remained unchanged from the very day that I had left it behind 441

me. The sands of time and change had buried WinterRose yet left my house 442

alone. Every grain of grass- every mushroom- every bit of dew still sat 443

in the same position that it had occupied long ago. This world was 444

frozen in time, awaiting my return to stir things back into movement. 445

As I advanced through the grass my mind saw a young girl down by the 446

River, gleefully kicking up water; the same little girl running after he 447

brother, screaming for him to return his stolen goods; an older girl 448

strolling hand in hand with a boy, promising to remain together in 449

youthful enthusiasm. A young woman following the faint glint of light 450

from an unknown source before returning with a strange man nestled into 451

her arms. That same young woman riding off into the unknown with a 452

foreign warrior and man with legs in wooden splints…453

A fully grown woman returning to her home after a long journey, somehow 454

a shadow of the former girl who had once dwelt in this place.455

I came to stop at the door of my former home and knocked, awkwardly 456

requesting entry into my own home. I appeared to be a stranger in this 457

land, and I was afraid of what Dylan’s response to strangers may be 458

after all that this town had seen after my departure.459

The door squeaked aside just enough for a voice to creak carefully out 460

like a finger across sand:461

“Yes?”462

A shattered dream existed within that one singular word, resonating from 463

the pitiful voice that carried it across the air. That voice was hurt, 464

broken- lost along the windings roads of possibility. All of the 465

strength that this voice had once held had been washed away- thrashed 466

into a bleak nothing so that no possible resistance could remain. More 467

sorrow dripped from this door than I could ever recall from the 468

childhood, and this apparition was hardly a shell of its former glory. 469

Dylan- oh my brother! Dylan!470

“It’s me,” I replied, placing fingers into the door’s crack, wanting to 471

force it open so that I could embrace my brother- to think of what the 472

Gaels had done to him!, “It’s Kara…”473

“No,” the world’s sorrow echoed over waves of air immediately, “No- my 474

sister is dead.”475

The door fell back into place, crushing my fingers into bloody redness 476

yet I refused to let go. I had so little left to hold on to, and this 477

miniscule amount of pain was nothing compared to what I have endured. 478

Slowly, shoots of pain running up my arm, I pulled the door open and was 479

confronted by darkness. Only the thin silhouette of more extreme 480

darkness overlapping darkness marked the frail form of a man that I had 481

once called brother.482

“Dylan…” my view descended down to the years of the child who I had once 483

been, “It’s me.”484

Silence.485

A hand emerged from the darkness, parting the black cloth curtain 486

between us. The withering flesh hovered in the air for a few moments, 487

fingers twitching in anticipation and even exploration. No familiar, 488

brotherly strength existed in that tiny sample of flesh, for Dylan had 489

always been the one to help me when I was in pain- but now, I was the 490

one who needed to comfort him.491

His fingers found my arm, greedily grasping it, digging his nails into 492

my skin to be certain that I was true flesh and bone. I remained frozen, 493

allowing his hand to claw a pathway up my bare arm to my neck. He tore 494

up my tan skin as he traveled, uncaring of the jagged sharpness in his 495

unkept nails- yet I put the pain away from my consciousness. I’m here 496

now Dylan, I’m here now…497

The empty finger of ice dug up to my face, becoming more desperate with 498

every gathered inch. His papery palms flattened themselves onto my 499

cheeks, carefully rolling across my features. I placed myself on a level 500

beyond the chills that were now spread through my veins, refusing to 501

flinch even as his fingers gently slid across my lips- feeling, 502

examining every detail. This new pair of eyes moved up the side of my 503

cheek, past my eye and finally came to rest upon my forehead. The tiny 504

bag of flesh rested in the same place for a few in- and out-takes of 505

breath before moving to my head’s side and entangling itself into as 506

much of my hair as it could.507

I felt it through the slack in his touch before I heard the sound, 508

timidly trickling out from the cold darkness: crying- tears- sobbing. 509

Such expression of emotion never came from the physical being of my 510

brother, for he was never allowed to possess such sorrow. My inside 511

broke harder, allowing my heart to grind itself into powdery pieces- 512

Dylan had always been the constant, the strength and now he had become a 513

lost nothing trying to find something stable to cling to. Are not we all 514

in these troubled times?515

The awkward glass between us shattered. My brother’s other hand darted 516

out of the doorway to rest on the opposite side of my head followed 517

quickly by the rest of him. He fell out of the darkness, collapsing into 518

me, putting all of his weight into my support. We came forehead to 519

forehead, I wrapping my arms about him in comforting love as he cried- 520

sobbed. Every hint of sorrow that existed within him came seeping out 521

through his pores, rubbing onto me.522

“Kara…Kara it is you! It really is you!” he leaned back to lock my 523

features with his eyes, “I would know your face in a crowd of empires! 524

This…this must be a miracle!”525

Color flooded out of my face, all of the way down my body and onto the 526

grass at my feet. Horror seized my heart, cutting terror directly into 527

my deepest places. My brother’s once-handsome face was now broken clean 528

down the middle in the line of a horrific scar across his now-useless 529

left eye. His other eye gave no comfort, for it was covered in a crudely-530

fashioned eye patch painted a scratchy green by the uncertain hand of a 531

child. The diseased condition of Dylan’s face was enough to move me to 532

the verge of tears. He was far paler than his hand had earlier indicated 533

and a multitude of veins wove themselves through the ivory of his 534

visage, bringing in hues of overabundant blue and red. His expression 535

was a marvelous lie, a grin strained over practiced lines of wrinkled 536

sorrow: a walking escapee of death.537

“Dylan what…” the phrase was automatic, expected yet I quickly jabbed my 538

jaw shut. In the forbidden corners of my mind I knew where it was from 539

and who had done this grand injustice to my sweet brother…540

“A crazy mummer woman attacked me,” a void of emotion dripped from each 541

syllable. “And I fell directly into a large thorn. It drove deeply into 542

my eyeball- they we not able to save my sight. Besides, being part of 543

the Celtic regiment I was fodder being sent to butcher anyway, so as 544

some form of punishment the general had my other eye gauged out for his 545

officer’s entertainment. I was useless to them as a cripple, yet they 546

consider it humorous to watch me as I stumbled along without the 547

glorious gift of sight. I heard their taunts at every moment- even when 548

I tried to hide they would find me to poke sticks into my belly and 549

laugh as I attempted to find them through alternate means. 550

“I was allowed to live for entertainment, thus I was grateful for not 551

being sacrificed in some game for the Gaelic officers’ enjoyment. Yet 552

many days I begged for death- for something to set me free from this new 553

bondage of blindness. Eventually they grew tired of keeping me around, 554

for my humor was only satisfying for a short while. In the wake of some 555

miracle they dumped me near a town for dead. I was found by a family 556

there who took care of me until I was well enough to come home…for 557

Grace.”558

“What about…what about Father?” my knees buckled under and began to swim 559

through puddles of jelly. My lips had become numb stubs of ice, for I 560

had yet to pass the phrase: “A crazy mummer woman attacked me…” For that 561

woman…had been me. I was the source of this tragedy of sorrow that had 562

unfolded over my brother’s head. I had robbed him of his eyesight- 563

forever. Because of Keitha- because of my anger at loosing Keitha- 564

because I had lost all sense I had stolen my brother’s sense of sight 565

from him. My sin was etched into immortality now upon the face of one 566

that I love.567

“Father is dead, he was killed by a Gaelic soldier in a small, drunken 568

struggle just after I was taken into the army,” once again, emotion was 569

blocked from the soul of my brother’s shell.570

The meaningless sentence washed across me, not wanting to stick. I 571

couldn’t tell him that I was that “crazy mummer woman”. My throat 572

tightened itself closed, keeping any form of verbalization from coming 573

about- for speaking my sin aloud would engrave it eternally into my 574

mind. 575

I took a deep breath, clearing the knots from my throat, “Father can 576

enjoy his life with Mother now and finally be at peace. And at least we 577

still have Grace to rise so that this can be something of a family.”578

With a practiced hand Dylan wiped away tears from his lower eyelid, 579

carefully attempting to hide the action before putting together a flashy 580

smile for me. Despite his handicap, I couldn’t help but mirror the image 581

back, for I doubted that he had smiled in such a meaningful manner for a 582

long, long period of time.583

Gently he slid his hands from my face, slowly turning back into the 584

house, “Grace!” his tone was a new world laden with gentle emotion laced 585

with sweet tenderness, “Oh Grace, come see who is home!”586

With a firm hand he led me into the ebony waves inside our broken home, 587

quickly darting to the shabby room on the left. In sharp contrast this 588

room was bathed in a pure, simple light the color of white. Little Grace 589

sat near the room’s center, directly on the rug that Mother and I had 590

woven to cover the floor for her little crawling (and falling) self. 591

Every piece of her was outlined in the flawless beauty of clear white, 592

making her appear a beacon of goodness within the dark life of Dylan.593

She was no longer the tiny baby that laid inside of my memories, but a 594

pudgy near-toddler with full brown curls swinging about her shoulders 595

atop brilliant blue pupils holding a Faerie’s mystery within them. Joy 596

was her cloak, her passionate play toy, her only knowledge of the world 597

outside. Her naiveté was a welcome sense to a matured one such as 598

myself. The angel-child stumbled onto her delicate feet and ran to me, 599

arms outstretched in the light like a pair of hopeful wings. She 600

embraced my legs.601

My features split into a grin. The baby was walking- even running now! 602

Such a thing had only been a casually discussed thought in my previous 603

life. Yet my heartstrings leapt because she knew me, recognized me- 604

loved me as her sister even though I had been gone for so long…605

She knew me! She still knew me!606

“Hi there Grace,” were the only words that I could manage to keep more 607

tears from forming, “Hi there.”608

Her oceans of blue tranquility found my eyes, then went to Dylan’s 609

before returning to mine. Uncertainty.610

“She wants to know if you are going to stay now…” Dylan spoke, somehow 611

sensing without seeing. Their bond was deeper than I had thought.612

“Yes Grace,” I whispered, taking her delicate fingers into my own and 613

glancing up at my brother, “I’ll stay. I’m home now…”614