I found myself face down on the floor, bleeding from my bruised lips and practically drooling on the cemented floor with my once curly blonde hair covered in sticky blood. My mind was unresponsive, too weak to tell the rest of my body to react and move. A vicious blow to my head had sent me spiraling towards eternal darkness, which thankfully did not come. For me to die right now would be a horrible crime but to live and suffer unimaginable agony, that would be like heaven. 1
She grabbed me from the back of the head, her newly manicured nails clawed through my skull as she kept an inhumanly strong hold on my hair. Her crystal blue eyes flashed to a sinister yellow color, her eyes piercing straight into mine. A painful moan escaped from my cracked, bruised lips momentarily as I forced myself to look up at the girl who was supposed to be my best friend. No, she was my best friend. Now, she’s a monster . 2
“I’m going to give you one last chance, Megan, but only because you’re like a sister to me. Without you, this would get boring fast.” She spoke slowly, giving my mind the ability to comprehend what she said. The flickering terror in my eyes should’ve been enough for her to understand that I didn’t want to do this, not with her, or with the sexiest man alive. 3
Patiently, she awaited my answer and with her free hand she gingerly stroked my broken cheek, careful to not inflict anymore pain upon me. Her touch was more than gentle and comforting, it was affection. I flinched at her strange touch and cringed away from her. I didn’t understand what she was doing and why she was touching me. A beating and a night full of torture and bloodshed had been my fate but now it was full of confused affection and comforting. What she was doing?4
“But you…murder people, feed off of them.” I quavered. 5
“No Megan, I don’t really kill people. I just kill boys, that’s all. You already know that.” She shook her head reassuringly towards me, her grip becoming tighter. It felt that at any moment, her fingers would dig through my skull. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fight her because I couldn’t even move. “Have you decided on your final answer yet? I haven’t got all day, you know. There’s only two options: either you can join me or you can be next on the list. I go both ways, you know.” 6
With fear and pain surging through every part of my battered body, I knew what I had to do. Whatever choice I chose to make right now, it would determine my fate once and or all and there would be no turning back, no third chances. “Jennifer, I’ll be a…monster, a flesh-eating, men seducing monster… Why me, though?” 7
“Don’t be afraid.” Her eyes glistened in the fire behind her. They glimmered like flames ablaze a tree and hindered my chances of escape, of complete humane survival, giving off a very strong feeling that something wasn’t entirely alright with Jennifer, that she was not one hundred percent here with me. 8
Slowly eying my silver knife lying on the ground beside me, my mind is dead set on grabbing it but my gut tells me not to. For what feels like the last time, I look back up at my former best friend with tearful and frightening eyes, deciding my final decision…
Author notes
This is an excerpt from my upcoming horror story/novella called "Lustful Desires". This excerpt is a lot longer, violent, and graphical (to a certain extent) in the final draft. This story is no where near being finished. I estimate that it will be completed and ready sometime in August, or maybe sometime during the end of July. But either way, I will post a few more excerpts as I write it.
Comments
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I can agree on that your novel is violent and graphic... but omg... I really want to see what happens next! Your power over suspense grips me to say this but... this story's going to be so good!!! If you publish, please contact me! I want to buy one of the first copies.
I'll look forward to the excerpts.
Anyway, when I first started reading this first part, the beginning sounds a bit too self-centered, on your main character's pov. I'd suggest not to go too deep into her detailing her hair as being once curly. Just... describe that differently. Other than that... I'm enticed by the strong feeling of "killing" (I guess), that you invoked with Jennifer, and the mystery of why she's killing guys.
So yeh... kudos!!!
And lots of applauses for this wonderful beginning!
Good luck writing, and... keep the Muse around.
language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks a bunch! I'm so glad that you liked this! I was a bit worried at first, that it would be totally stupid in some way. I have written another excerpt if you want to take a look at it. It's titled "The Slumber Party".
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Hurrah! Hurrah! You've made my day!!!
You're welcome, btw.
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O.o this sounds strangely like that new movie coming out...
beginning: 1, language: 1, plot: 1, ending: 1, dialog: 1, characters: 1.
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