dear mommy

Dear Mommy,
I wish you were here. I miss you even more now because everyone teases me and I need your comforting presence and wisdom.1


Oh mommy I don't get it! Just because im a little diffrent than everyone else and like different things people call me weird, stupid and a freak!! Who cares if I LOVE nature, I'm a Christian, I don't wear name brand clothes and I can't sing well? I mean, what's wrong with being me? `Cause frankly, it's better than being who I'm not!!! Who cares if I don't wear name brand clothes? 'Cause they're all pretty much the same things. And who cares if I love nature? I can't blame myself! 'CAUSE FACE IT, nature's BEAUTIFUL!!! And who cares if I'm a Christian? 'Cause at least I know He LOVES me more than anyone could imagine!!!!!! And who cares if I can't sing well? Most of us can't!!!!!! 2


I mean nobody's perfect -except God- and they have their good sides and bad sides. That's how God made them! 3


Yet, why do they tease me? I'm unique like them!4


Oh mommy, I wish I was with you so I could ask God my questions or that you were here to give your input...
oh mommy... why did you leave me? i feel so empty with out you... you said you'd always be with me... but your not... and daddy seems to blame me and alli for your death...
oh mommy... i feel betrayed by you...
even though i know you love me why did you go and leave me to face these hardships by alone?5


6


7


8


Your beloved daughter,
Jessica9


Author notes

tawnystar,maplefrost,Insanitys Plea,firestar---Doverstar,Bluewolf2222 and songpath13 please check with me before you change ANYTHING.

yes its short but it states the truth.

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • MoonStar005
    September 4
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    Aw . . .So sad


  • Shadow06
    August 1

    Edit | Reply
    It was very heartfelt. I loved it. Keep on writing.

  • Insanitys Plea
    July 30

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    -claps-

    Very good,just needs some editing.Course if this was written when you were little,I'd leave it alone,It makes the story all the more precious and special.

    One question though,why was I added to the collaborators list?I had nothing to do with this work of art.

    Best Regards

    -Insanitys Plea-


  • Willowleaf-
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    Nice job! It put a lot of emotion through and the letter format was good.

  • Strings
    July 20

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    Letter Format Good, Subject Matter Bad.

    So, basic idea is okay. Not particularly original, but how you portray it is the winning aspect, not the actual subject matter.

    How old is the speaker supposed to be? I'm getting mixed messages. It soounds like a child is speaking at first, but no child I've ever heard used vocabularly like "comforting presence and wisdom" and "beloved daughter". You need to stop and develop the speaker more to convey a more solid message and identity.

    The teasing and name-calling is very stereotypical. How many stories begin with, "I'm so different. I have no friends and everyone makes fun of me." Frankly, it's boring and overdone.

    The grammar and punctutation need to be fixed. I usually don't read things that aren't edited to the point of correct grammar. If the errors were intentional, know that it does not add to your story whatsoever.

    The good part is the letter format. Has potential but you need to focus more on how the speaker feels about the dead mother. That is the heart of your story right there. Not the kids teasings the speaker, not the "oh, my life is so bad" act, but the true feelings of lonliness and isolation with no motherly hand to remedy them.

    It has potential, but needs Big-Time editing.

    ~Strings


    • Tangledbracken
      July 20
      Edit | Reply
      Actually, this letter, though not written by me, was written by the author when she was younger, then published on Storywrite. And I was going to edit it.

      • Strings
        July 20
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        Text is text to me, regardless of the background. I just read and write a review.

  • OlweizBoutMeeh
    July 20

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, good, but could use some improvement on some capitalization, spelling and proper punctuation. But overall, it's good.


  • jfritzyb
    July 18

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome job!

    Overall, I personally like the basic structure of the letter and the "feel" of it; however, it would be good for you to have her express herself more when she's talking about being teased--that way, the "feel" I talked talked about earlier will be stronger when people read it and 'BANG', the impact will be awesome like fireworks in the night sky!



    (I'm working on the "feel" thing myself when I write my stories--and it can be hard sometimes!)


  • Wolf Cry Of Sorrow
    July 18
    Edit | Reply
    its short i know


  • Rorshach gold member
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    A very sad letter from a lonely little girl who misses her mom.
    A very touching slice of realism.

  • Tangledbracken
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    Can I work on grammar and typos or did you do that on purpose? Aw, thanks for putting m up! It's sad... Though I hold no religious beliefs, I can understand the way this child is feeling...
    ~T


  • yin20yang
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. so sad, but brilliantly written. You have a talent. It captures the sad emotions and hurt of a child left behind.

1 - 15 of 15