1
I had a dream frogs were jumping in my bed2
I thought of you and couldn’t get you out of my head3
REFRAIN:Girl my love for you is lily white 4
Why don't you stay home with me tonight?5
I called you up and asked you to my pad6
You said you couldn’t and that it made you sad7
REFRAIN:Girl my love for you is lily white8
Why don’t you stay home with me tonight?9
Now I wonder who is hopping around?10
You’re never home and always going out of town11
REFRAIN: Girl my love for you is lily white12
Why don't you stay home with me tonight?13
A contest entry
- aspiring young poets and short storiest...love by Fancifulgoddess.
170 points, ended July 13, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I haven't read any poetry or reviewed any in ages so I can't be the best at commenting on this but ah, shucks! I laughed a little at the first two lines, because when I read them to myself they sounded so humorous! It's short but then again, not every poem has to be huge and hard to take in, this is simple and effective of the girl showing love for someone and wanting them so badly yet they can't be with that person, for whatever reason. Unrequited love perhaps?
Mike
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I like this piece...
...and not just because I really like frogs
Sometimes the simplistic poems, language or action can pack the biggest whallop and this is one of them. It comes across as sweet and perhaps a little innocent, when it's really about a sullied subject such as cheating. 
Excellent work to bring out an 'oh...!'
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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very cute
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Oh and good luck!
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very cute..very romantic it's almost like frog prince..love the part about" i thought of u and couldnt get you out of my head.very cute!
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