We met at first sight,1
I knew we would be great friends when I looked into her eyes,2
Straight into her clear blue eyes,3
Saying "Friends for Life",4
Days go by,5
We spent lots of time together,6
Just like kindergarten..7
She made me feel me,8
I was once anxious,9
On how I look,10
On what I wear,11
On what people would say about me,12
But.. when she stepped into my life,13
The anxious me left,14
The confident me entered,15
She made me feel good,16
That are what friends are for,17
They are there for you,18
They are there through thick and thin,19
They love you for you!20
A contest entry
- Best Friends...click your mouse by u.wish.u.were.emmet.
100 points, ended July 15, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want your best...POEMS!!! by Le Masquerade.
170 points, ended July 29, 116 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - poems by Para Turkey.
110 points, ended July 16, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Enter If You Dare by seasonsoflove.
525 points, ended October 11, 135 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - enter at your own risk :) by live laugh love.
100 points, ended September 25, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
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Loved it.
It felt like a love story. -
I like this small, unpretentious piece. It shows your appreciation for your friend and how she helped you become strong. In turn you will probably help others who need to be strong. You are lucky to have such a friend and obviously she is lucky roo.
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Nicely done. Suggest you rework 1st two sentences (in 2 maybe "when our eyes locked"). But this is a wonderful progression, builds very nicely and kind of points to the "chemistry" that all friendships that flourish have in common.
It's a simple poem to express what friends are...friends are awesome! The problem was you need to put more descriptions into the piece so as to bring across more heartfelt emotions like happiness, joy and belonging. With that this poem could be just perfect.
I especially like it because a lot of younger writers seem to find an awful lot of life they don't like. Awww I love it! It's so true and honest. It's a really sweet little poem. It's something a lot of people can probably relate to. I like it a lot. It's very simple and gets to the point.
Good luck & keep writing.
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Very true. Can relate to a lot of people. 2nd line could be shorter to fit the whole scheme but other then that you did alright.
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Very Real Emotions
Nicely done. Suggest you rework 1st two sentences (in 2 maybe "when our eyes locked"). But this is a wonderful progression, builds very nicely and kind of points to the "chemistry" that all friendships that flourish have in common. I especially like it because a lot of younger writers seem to find an awful lot of life they don't like. Good luck & keep writing.
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So sweet! I loved it!
Good work!
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Awww I love it! It's so true and honest. It's a really sweet little poem. It's something a lot of people can probably relate to. I like it a lot. It's very simple and gets to the point. Great Write
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Simple but cute. It's very straight-forward, great poem =]
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It's a simple poem to express what friends are...friends are awesome! The problem was you need to put more descriptions into the piece so as to bring across more heartfelt emotions like happiness, joy and belonging. With that this poem could be just perfect. I liked it though.
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I love this kindergarten comment...i miss that tim
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This was very good. Could have been a bit longer maybe but other wise I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing!
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this was good, you probably could have done better. but you did a nice try, thanks for trying.
Dew -
I'm definitely not a poet so I have to give you props for trying. It wasn't the best to tell you the truth, but what it was about really got to me. Friendship can be very beautiful and I believe you captured it's meaning here. Keep writing.
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It was a nice poem, but I would have to say it needs a little work. I think more sensory language or description should be added. When I am reading I like to feel inside of the story, I like to be able to see, feel, smell, touch, or even taste the content.
I really liked the point of the story and how you stayed dead on that point. I like how you said when she stepped into my life the anxious me left and the confident me entered.
Goodluck with future writing to come(: -
Nice poem, simple and to the point.
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Cute... hmm I always search other people's comments before I submit my own so i have a base and I don't hurt their feelings. Yes, it's cute. But... language needs work, rhythm needs work, and maybe a little more descriptive? hey it's a review just sayin
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Aww..very cute. what best friends are for of course! Making you feel better. Like you're important. Very very cute.
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Friends are like that! I just transferred to a new school and when I saw this girl I was like I just have a feeling we're gonna be friends and we are
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I liked it
It was simple, straight to the point, and made a lot of sense. The character seemed very self concious but when he met the girl, he changed completely and felt like he could do anything! I think it shows that with a little love in your life, or someone to care about you, it makes things a lot easier.
Jaz likes this.
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I'm going to have to say the first line was.. not a good opening. When I read it the first thing I was thinking was, wait.. that's hilarious because it's redundant. We met at first sight (I can see the attempt here, but it turns out just to be funny to me). Had a bit of an issue with tense in the second stanza, and what was the line about just like in kindergarten? What was just like in kindergarten, what is being in kindergarten like for you; carefree, anxious (leaving parents for the first time really)? I didn't know, it's why I'm asking. I would also recommend changing how you started all the sentences in stanza 3 and 5, variety makes poetry a better read (unless it's longer, than repetition can get through the length to hammer a point, but this is too short for that really). The message of being good friends instead of forever in love is a nice change of pace, but it could use some tweaking; hope you take this well, it's not meant to be derisive.
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This takes me back, and reminds me of me and all my friends. Thanks for posting, it's nice amid all of the controversial topics and somewhat depressing story topics.
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That's really good. It's simple but has a point
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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sweet i loved it
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wow
Simply Beautiful -
I think it was intresting
Touching. I liked the last stanza. -
ranooosha
hi,
i love this style of story's!
anyway: you are a pretty good writtttter!!
bye! have a good day!!!beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Pure happiness and well written. Friends truly do make life better. Keep up the good work.
Note:
First line of the last stanza "That are what friends are for", I think you meant "That is..." -
aww this is soo sweet, is it personal experience or did you just want to write it? I think it's amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I can relate xD
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awh
that was very sweet simple and too the point i loved it
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that was really good and true about some people
I loved it overall its deep and its caring -
The first line made.. yeah, no sense. And it's a bit.. well, used. And I, too, expected them to fall in love or something.
Though I liked the bit about her taking away your anxious side, and you feeling confident when she's around, since she entered your life. Good writing, loved the last line, true friends like you for you. -
Very true. If someone can't see you for you, who needs them??
Plot: 4
Language: 4
Theme: 5
Total: 13
Great job on this. Thank you so much for entering, and keep up the great work!! -
"We met at first sight" seriously does not make sense. I don't understand what you're trying to say. Anytime you see someone for the first time, that means that you've met. It's redundant to say the characters met at first sight. You could say, "We clicked at first sight."
Line 17- "That (is) what friends are for
This was a too little cliched and sappy for me. I also thought their friendship was going to turn into something more from the way that you described the emotions. -
Brillian
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I founf the language to be too casual, but then again that could be the aim.
It goes straight to the heart of friendship but I also expected them to fall in love or something predictable because of the way you were describing the emotions the speaker had for the unknown friend.
Overall it wasn't too bad the message was clear and it wasn't an extremely long poem like some tend to be
Good job
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Over-all it could have used some tightening, like making the sentences about her eyes into just one. I wonder if this would have looked aesthetically more pleasing if you'd just turned this into a mnre traditional poem formation? All the commas seemed to detract from the reading.
"That are what friends are for" is
Your message of course is good. It speaks of friendship, loyalty and love, and how the right person can act as a buttress to us emotionally -- and we should all have someone like that in our lives, someone to love us as we are, not as they would have us be. We are lucky folk who do.
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Great poem, i can reflect on it to a point aswell. Though that all changed now. I think you did a wonderful job and it is very true.
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This was wonderful, To the point and true to the core. This is how I feel about all my best friends. I loved this piece. Great work!
Dewbeginning: 5, ending: 5.
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Cute
Funny the difference one person can make and the way they can pull you out of anything bad as if its nothing. Sweet and touching display of friendship.
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um... different but okay keep writing
"REACH FOR THE STARS KID"...um song lyric much
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This is very sweet and realistic. Its really good. Great Job! =)
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it's such a cute poem! and true. good job.
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A really good poem..
You definitely did a awsome job!
It's so true about a frind! -
very true...it's always nice to have great friends...and have them love you for who you are...those kinds of friends are rare and once you have them, you never want to let them go...they will be there for you when you need them...even when YOU yourself cant be
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nice good luck
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Cool, very sweet! Thanx for entering my comtest good luck!
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Nice
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okay, i didn't really want poems ive gotten another poem in this contest, but since i didn't clarify it in the rules and im not picky, it doesn't really matter, I can let it slide. I did like how the poem was actually about best friends in it, so nice write and thx for entering my contest=]
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Aww. This is so sweet and true.
This is a short and sweet realistic poem. Great job!
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