Our Love

You're always on my mind
when I'm at home or out
Your words so sweet and kind
are all I think about1

You make me feel so perfect
no words can explain this feeling
Even when my world seems wrecked
you make life so appealing2

Your beauty I can't describe
your love I can't deny
Why loving me you even imbibe
I can only wonder why3

Such a perfect girl for me
I never thought I'd find
but here you are before my eyes
and it just blows my mind4

How could I be so lucky
to have someone like you
Someone I'll cherish always
and forever to you be true5

If I could ask for anything
that in this world resides
I'd only ask this one request
to have you by my side6

Every time I think of us
happily together forever
It makes me then to realize
that nothing could be better7

What a wonderful life
that we could share
If we gave to each other
our love and care8

I want so badly to hold you
and never let you go
I want my true love for you
to always and forever show9

The thought of us being together
brings teardrops to my eyes
Baby you are a gift to me
from far beyond the skies10

I want of course to be happy
for the rest of my life
but the only way for that to happen
is for you to be my wife

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    This was good and really moving. I liked the way it flowed. It was nicely written. Anyways. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.


  • Zarlah
    October 5
    Edit | Reply

    :)

    Makes me wish my boyfriend could write poetry. I loved it, the ending was beautifull!


  • YaoiQueen Killa
    October 4
    Edit | Reply

    ....

    Did u even read the requirements i said no poems or songs


  • Cecilia Marlana
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, very beautiful. Enlightening and passionate. I really loved the emotion you showed. Great job. Good luck in my contest.

    • ZackTruel
      August 13
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the kind comment. I loved your choice of words in describing this poem!


  • Hloverofpeace
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    Any Reader can feel the love that you speak of in this poem.
    This is a very good poem, thank you so much for entering.

    • ZackTruel
      August 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much. I am glad that you liked it. I tried to keep it simple and lite, while still putting the feelings into that I had. I am glad that you could feel what I was attempting to portray.


  • Clary--Selene--Tayy gold member
    August 4
    Edit | Reply
    Aww this was really cool!


  • Caradoc
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    One lucky girl. And I feel exactly the same about my girl. I've actually written her some poems, with one posted to this site. You wrote this rather well and it's beautiful. I'm sure she appreciates it.


  • Canada07
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    Great poem, the feelings that you described are really realistic and the reader can't help but think that you truly wrote this poem from personal experience. It was great!


  • Le Masquerade silver member
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    I loved it!!! It shows how commited this person really is and how much they love their girl. Thanx for entering! This poem has earned a place in the finalist list

  • ZackTruel
    July 13
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments! I greatly appreciate them. I actually wrote this poem about 5 years ago when I was 15 years old and I just found it while going through some old stuff. I was very impressed with it and decided to share it on here as well. Thank you all for taking the time to read it and comment on it.


  • MsAlee gold member
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    Oh this is so very beautiful, i know your girl has got to have loved it completely. i do hope she said yes!

  • Strings
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    ...this really is sweet. I'm not big on sugary poetry, but I still hate to review this, so I'll just point out one thing.

    You want your rhymes to sound natural, not forced. You did a fair job with that, but in the following stanza:

    Your beauty I can't describe
    your love I can't deny
    Why loving me you even imbibe
    I can only wonder why

    The third line has too many syllables, throwing off the rhythm and "imbibe" sounds forced. You rarely hear someone say "imbibe' in normal conversation.

    ~Strings

    beginning: 2, language: 2, ending: 4.

  • care bears
    July 10
    Edit | Reply

    123

    Great imagetion you have and I love this poem!

    beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 1, characters: 5.


  • lil.janie
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    It's so sweet and I can picture a ring attached to the paper with this song.
    Lovley song for the realy special one...


  • Glitflyer
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    awwww.... This is a really nice poem and I have to admit it!!

    These are my favourites and ...

    Every time I think of us
    happily together forever
    It makes me then to realize
    that nothing could be better


  • Rorshach gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    Sounds like a man in love. I cannot relate, but even Rorshach smiles at a poem full of so much love and joy.


  • Destinee N Vong
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is a sweet poem for your special someone. I hope that you read this to her or let her read it. It's wonderful to hear that you are truly happy. I can't say I have a favorite line since all of it is beautiful. You have a beginning starting with the longing of being with someone. The middle describes that you are happy with that person. Finally the end says that you will be together always. Anyone who is in love can relate to this. It's simple and easy to read and full of thoughts and emotions.


  • Anam Cara
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    aww that is so sweet.It all makes sense.
    I love it. I love how it all fits together too.
    The girl must be very lucky

1 - 22 of 22