My friend (chapter 3)

'I didn't like her, but I didn't want her dead..... I didn't like her, but I didn't want her dead' 1

I kept saying that to myself. I had to make myself feel better about the situation.Like i said. I didn't want her dead, but i didn't want her messing up my life.2

I don't even know why I'm here. Maybe to make myself feel better about myself- because i wanted her gone. Out of my life for good. I feel as if those feeling made this happen. Or maybe I was here to "comfort" Jake in his time of need. That's the main reason i didn't like her. She got Jake. she stole him from me and I hated her for it. Ohh... she knew it. She knew damn well what she did. But this wasn't anytime to rehash the bad memories. This was a time to say sorry. I was truly sorry for her dying. I was sorry for ever hurting her in any way, I just wanted to say sorry. But would she, and COULD she ever forgive me? Could I ever forgive myself?3

We were actually friends. she chose a guy over me. She knew that I loved him, but we sat there and went after the one boy that made me happy. "Friends forever. No Matter What" is what she said the day before Jake was gone from my world and into hers. Friends forever huh.4

Never mind the past, No matter how much I wanted her to feel the pain I felt that day; the day my world died, I didn't want her to feel it THIS way. there was always a spot in my heart for Ashlie. I just couldn't accept what she did to me. 5

Now sitting in these seats. Staring at her white casket and all the yellow, red, and white roses placed beside it, I knew the realness of the situation. It wasn't about the problems we had over boys. I mean they were just stupid boys. It wasn't about what happened at the beginning of the year. It was about Her. Everyone wasn't in black crying; except me, for no reason.6

(THIS WHOLE THING IS TRUE. BUT I WAS MALINDA, AND WELL, HERE T GOES)7

I was stuck after school because I needed to make up a grade. I was about to leave, and I was talking to my friend. I saw Ashlie coming up to the school. I had made it my all time goal to make her life as horrible as I could. 8

We quietly laughed as she passed by. She gave me an awful look, so she was kind of saying ‘come and get me’9

"Watch were you’re looking Bitch" I did’t want her to think that she could just treat me like that. So I went after her and stopped her right in front of the 800 hallway.10

"What the fuck is wrong with you. Don’t fucking walk away from me"11

"What do you want Malinda? I don't have time for your mess." she was in trouble i could see. I really didn't care at this point. I just wanted to get her.12

"You don't have time for my mess huh? You have time for my mess every single time I say you do. You stole my boyfriend, and last time I checked her was my mess."13

Rolling her eyes at me and taking a huff "Can you let go of that God! I said I'm sorry so leave me alone."14

"No. Sorry doesn't cut it. You were my friend, but now all I see is a backstabbing Bitch"15

"Please. Stop. I don't need this. I THOUGHT YOU WERE ME FRIEND! But I guess you are not." she started to cry. I found this really weird. Then she pulled up her sleeve. I saw cut marks all up her arm. She was a cutter? Well i knew she was, but she promised all of us she would stop. these weren't old marks. These look like they happened today. 16

"Oh My Gosh ASH....."17

"Yea see what you make me do. See what you made me start again. Your really hurting me. And you don't even know it!"18

"I'm so sor-"19

she pulled out a bag, and handed it to me. " Since you want to hurt me so much, pick which one you would want me to bleed with." I looked in the bag and there were razors, knives, and everything sharp I could imagine.20

I still can't believe that moment. She was going to see the counselors. She wasn't suppose to start again. When we were all friends she promised never to deal with her pain that way. So i think that's why she didn't want to talk to any of her friends. I felt so bad that I could drive her to that. So now it was her turn to drive me to tears. 21