Forever

1

Jacoby couldn't help but stare sadly and longingly, swallowing back tears even though he could taste the saltiness in the back of his throat. Brian's eyes used to be so full of vitality but they were empty shells, the faintest remnants of the vivacious man he'd know for almost thirty years and loved for twenty eight of those. He couldn't stand the fact that the other man didn't see him anymore.2

He brushed cold fingers down Brian's strong jaw line, bright blue eyes turned green filling with tears as he blinked them back, sighing out shakily and trying to act like all was normal when the other, younger man shied away from his touch. He had to pretend that didn't hurt, that it didn't break his fragile heart even more than it was already.3

Tobin had told him to let Brian go, Tony had laughed at him for sticking around as long as he had. Matt knew the feeling because he was losing his best friend with every day too. James told him to keep up hope and that, like in the stories, Brian would regain his memory and smile brightly at him again, remembering every moment of their time together. Of all his friends, he chose to listen to James above all else because that was the most optimistic and hopeful option. Thank God for him.4

He blamed it on the hard drugs he knew his lover had done in the height of his band's success, but he knew that wasn't all. Sure, ecstasy and cocaine fucked with the brain, but this was more than that. This was... biological. It couldn't be stopped. Alzheimer's was serious business and it wasn't just caused by recreational drug use. He couldn't blame that for this; it just happened, to perfectly healthy people and people who had never done a hard drug in their lives. It struck everyone, and that was what terrified him so much. He didn't want to lose his baby.5

"Brian," Jacoby said in a soft, tearful voice, sliding two fingers under Brian's chin to make the man look at him. It took a few agonizing moments, but the younger man's focus was on him, confusion the only emotion in those endless brown eyes. "I love you..."6

Brian's brows furrowed and his lips twitched and for a moment, Jacoby felt like Brian knew who he was again, knew why he was saying that he loved him. In that moment, Jacoby took in everything; the way his delicately greying hair was still full and thick, the way his skin was still taut and tanned, though he was looking more and more gaunt by the day, and the way his thin and beautiful lips were pulled into the smallest of smirks. Yes, for a moment, he had his Bri back.7

"Who are you?" Brian's voice had gotten thinner over the years, though it as still rough and smoke-ravaged as the day he started smoking those horrible cigarettes. The almost innocent curiosity in his eyes tore wickedly at Jacoby's heart. "Do you know my husband?"8

Jacoby put his hand over his mouth and had to fight back a sob as he nodded slowly. He couldn't believe that Brian couldn't recognize him, but he supposed he shouldn't have been surprised. "Yes, Bri, I know him," he said in a small voice.9

"Well, when you see him, could you tell him I love him? I haven't seen him in so long. You see, he's been on tour for about a year and I haven't been so I've just been at home, thinking about him... so if you by chance see him, tell him, please?" Brian said, voice a little bolder than before, and Jacoby blinked again, feeling a tear slide down his cheek.10

"I... I'll let him know." Those were the hardest words he'd ever said.11

Brian smiled brightly for a second. "Thanks," he said a little quietly, and his gaze turned a little inquisitive. "You look kind of like him. What's your name?"12

"Jacoby," he said so softly it was almost a whisper. There was a sadness in his voice that he wasn't even sure his lover would be able to pick up on. Brian had always been able to, though... before he started losing his mind.13

"Funny, that's his name too. He goes by Coby sometimes..." Brian's voice was whimsical, and maybe a little sad himself. "He's my favorite person in the world, you know? Fuck, I miss him."14

"I'm sure he misses you too," Jacoby whispered, watching Brian nod slowly, licking over his lips and sighing before he looked over. It seemed something happened in Brian's head that Jacoby didn't know of, because the man's eyes almost turned black. He'd always hated it when Brian's eyes did that.15

"Would you mind going away? I... kind of want to be alone right now," he said in a low and sorrowful voice, and the guy might as well have reached in and ripped Jacoby's fucking heart out with those words. He nodded, though, brushing his fingers along Brian's jaw line once more, watching him lean into it for a second.16

"Okay, I'll leave you alone," he forced out, standing from the couch they'd been sitting on. He rounded the couch and couldn't stop himself from leaning over the back of the couch and whispering in Brian's ear, "I love you..." His voice trembled wickedly, on the edge of breaking because he could feel his body trying to force a sob out as the tears slid down his cheeks.17

"I love you too." Brian's voice was so threadbare, so sad, and Jacoby figured he probably thought that was some kind of hallucination or something, and that was why he'd said it back.18

"I'll always be here," Jacoby continued, shutting his eyes and shaking his head as he pressed his lips to the side of his younger lover's head. He bit his bottom lip and walked away, looking over his shoulder to see that Brian was staring blankly at the TV screen, tears brimming as more life than he'd seen in years flooding those gorgeous amber eyes.19

He let out the sob as he walked out of the recreational room of the nursing home that housed his love and back into the waiting room, sinking down beside James. He sighed shakily and leaned his head on James' shoulder.20

"How'd it go?" came James' soft, curious voice, and Jacoby looked up, another couple tears coasting down his cheeks.21

"He still doesn't remember." Jacoby's voice cracked and James frowned, reaching up and brushing his thumb along his lower lids, brushing the tears away. "I can't... do this anymore, James. Every time, it breaks my heart even more. I love him, but I can't stand him not knowing me."22

"Then let him go. You can't keep doing this to yourself." James' voice was soft and gentle right back, and Jacoby nodded, standing up and making his way back to the rec room. Brian's eyes snapped up when he heard the footfalls, and he blinked, cocking his head. He gasped when Jacoby crossed the room and kissed him firmly, turning his head so that their lips crashed together. Brian kissed him back desperately for a moment, and a thrill like none other went through him, making his entire body turn weak and hot. He pulled away slowly after a second.23

One last kiss... before I go, he thought as Brian opened his eyes and stared at him in confusion, not even the faintest flicker of recognition. "Goodbye..." He barely mouthed the word as he backed away. He smiled sadly and turned, running out of the nursing home as fast as he could.24

That was it. His heart was broken.