2
The nearsighted dragonfly3
Was always so vain4
Leaving behind his glasses 5
Despite his eye strain6
Blindly he would fly 7
Oblivious to all8
Almost getting squashed 9
By a far-flung ball10
Ignoring his handicap11
He continued to wander12
Traversing the skies13
Into the blurry blue yonder14
Always thinking 15
He was down on his luck16
Blind as he was 17
To a speeding truck18
Whirring past him 19
He really didn’t know20
In fact he was lucky21
Fortune bestowed 22
Unknowingly he dodged 23
A hungry one-eyed crow24
In his perilous journey 25
He didn’t even slow26
Now you must be wondering27
What's so bad about glasses?28
As many people wear them29
From all statures and classes30
Unfortunately you see 31
This dragonfly was odd32
He’d rather risk drowning33
Or being gobbled by a cod34
As we bring this story 35
To its final lap36
Having recounted his tale 37
I'll now call it a wrap 38
I still keep staring 39
Into my soup40
Where he has landed 41
All drained and pooped42
Having been tired43
I know he must have collapsed44
At least he has no qualms 45
About swimming caps 
46
1
Author notes
Still not satisfied with this so perhaps a few revisions...
either way thanks once again for the inspired idea
This is dedicated to Mr. Swanky...
allpoetry.com/poets/xeroabyss
for not everyone has such depth perception as he and well...he is soup
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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I can't stop laughing.
I needed that.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 10, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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You are too kind and I truly appreciate the encouraging words
~G -
This I have no other word but to say it was cool. (really really good). This is something you'd really find in a childrens book. I think it should be up in an opticians for children to read. Brilliant ending. I woud've never thought of the ending. Very original. Well done. Take care Fiona
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Thanks bunches for the wonderful comment
I am glad to know it was enjoyed
Best Wishes~
Swt
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This was so funny I just had to laugh. Beauty of a piece. Lots of humorous word play that I doubt those reading it would not love it. Terrific job!
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Eat em indeed if they didn't look in their soup first ...
Thanks so much for the compliment as this style write placed me rather outside of my element.
Edited on Sep 01 because ''. -
this is another fine work. . .but what i really like most is the strong character idea here. . .would make a great concept for a Pixar/Disney film, him in his near-sighted adventures. . .the kids would eat him up!
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Thanks
This was something quite different for me
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This is beautiful. Well written...
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Thanks so much
This was something quite uncharacteristic for me and so I am thrilled it has that effect
Thanks so much for the encouraging kind words
-G -
This was funny and captivating, just the kind of humour my son and i share, he would love the whole thing but giggle at the ending. I love the way it rhymed, and so efforlessly, I could visualise him so easily, wonderful imagery, and great character congrats on the trophy K
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thanks so much
I really appreciate your encouragement as there will always be a spot for you in my cheering section
-G -
Congratulations!
Told you that it was good ...
Sammy -
Thanks so much!!!
As once again you have inspired me to step out of my normal boundaries,
especially when I have always found relating to youngins a lil perplexing....
I am very happy to hear that this had such an effect
Best Wishes and a heartfelt thanks
-G
PS. I too have enjoyed reading other entries for this contest
your hands full indeed!!! -
I don't know about kiddie appeal, which I definately think this has... but I loved it!! The ending made me giggle out loud. I could picture this poor dragonfly in my head buzzing about like a drunk behind the wheel of a car. This is very good. Dang if you guys aren't going to make this one hard on me too. Thank you for enetering and sharing such a pleasant read! Good luck.
♥ Kimberly -
Thanks bunches
Yes, revisions is a constant thing for me as I never consider anything truly finished
(also because of my allotted free time, I am usually writing in a sleep deprived state)
Best wishes
-G -
Im glad I waited it does flow nicly well done all the best with this
Paul -
Thanks
Perhaps I too will be able to return the favor
Call you may as well
-G -
It was my pleasure ...
Anytime I can be of help, do not hesitate to ask ...
Sammy
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Thanks for taking the time and returning for another go
Whether or not I do well, I just enjoyed the challenge as this had me stepping away from my usual
I can't thank you enough for your encouraging words
Till next time and best wishes
-G -
Hi G ...
As promised I have re-read your poem. It seems to have a better flow to it now ... runs off the tongue easily without hiccups ...
I am sure you will do well in the contest.
Never doubt your abilities ... you have loads of that.
Take care,
Sammy -
Ironic that all 30,000 of his eyes are bad as well
Quite an interesting fact as you do know I love such triva. Thanks so much for your encouragement as I have plenty of room in my cheer section just for you
Best Wishes Always
-G -
.
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~Wbiro~
Too much of flying blind indeed
Too bad the remedy is not as simple as wearing glasses...
Thanks as always
-just me
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~xeroabyss~
I figured this would be a nicer alternative than that maggot ode
so I dedicated this one to ya instead
Careful or you may end with a PB one to you too
Of course I already made some slight revisions, but I am glad it was to your liking
Hmmm...
seule poems indeed
Till next time
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~Sis-2-Be~
I thank you much for the suggestions as I usually write in a sleep deprived state
Plus, as you are more talented in your write and recognize the different forms I truly appreciate your imput. Writing is just something I picked up as a hobby so all the help and pointers you give is much appreciated. Thanks again and catch ya around
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~Munda~
Thanks so much for your words of encouragement as this was way outta my element
*sighs*
I did have fun experimenting with something new and I am thrilled you enjoyed it
Best wishes
Edited on Aug 24, 2:14 because 'blah'. -
Jeeze, this seems to be happening to a lot of guys lately! Yes, a fine yarn you've spun here, and I would say give it some tinkering, but I see it has served its purpose well!
...
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depth persception,you been reading too many of them seule poems.
i like it though.
found it to be very humours and "stuff"
SPIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFF! -
Ah! I quite figured that this is the contest you meant in the IM last night, kinda funny because I'm digging up something for this as well! We do keep sharing brains, don't we? (equal shares, that is!)
Anyhow, without further ado, I'll go on to the actual comment, as I'm sure you are curious to see what I have to say about this!
This is such a funny write! Honestly, if you hadn't told me, I wouldn't know that this was out of your usual style! This is such an original tale, and so creativity thought out as well!
A couple things that I might suggest to improve this piece the teensiest bit more (as already it's quite good ):
-I think that perhaps the first paragraph should be divided into a couple/few/whatever shorter stanzas to make it less overwhelming for the reader.
-One thing that struck me when I was reading this was that your punctuation seemed to flutter about (almost like the nearsighted dragonfly! ). Sometimes you capitalized this just like prose, other times you capitalized more than that. I'd suggest that you probably capitalize the whole thing as prose, respecting the punctuation.
-The only other thing to help smooth this out a little bit more would be to read it aloud, as Sammy suggested previously, and determine things from there.
This is quite a humourous write! You truly did a great job, I couldn't tell you were writing out of style!
Your AP sis-to-be lavender
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Very good
I simply love this piece! I'm sure it will make kids laugh too when read out loud to them. Wonderfully done! -
Thanks so much for your vote of confidence
It is always nice to know someone is standing in my cheering section
Especially a person such as yoursself
-G
Edited on Aug 23, 1:33 because ''. -
Lol I loved this piece i can not beliave you had a doubt in your self this was a an amazeing with excelent humor. Truly another job well done. Best of luck with the contest hun I am shore you will do well.
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Thanks bunches
This REALLY was not usual for me as most of my writes take on a more darker quality
I thank you for your encouragement and I am glad you found it somewhat humorous
Best wishes
-G -
Verygood
Very humourous and original ... Maybe a couple of minor changes that you will find when you read this aloud to yourself but all-in-all a verygood write.
Good luck in the contest,
Sammy
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