It was unspeakably sordid.1
Ghastly, Dominic knew, and somewhat inhumane. But regardless of the arduous kissing, the excruciating bruises, the blood that stuck to his thighs; every moment with Blake was utterly pleasurable. Every caress worsened Dominic’s revulsion and upsurge his delight in being touched in such a wonderful yet vile way. Depression would soon overwhelm him, making him feel horrendously dirty, but it was worth it.2
Dominic had awaken late that morning; his sister, Devoura, who woke up rather late, was already being a nuisance to the household, which could only mean he overslept. Fortunately, it was merely Sunday, leaving him to be able to sleep as long as he wanted without being disturbed. 3
‘Dominic!” Devoura sang as she politely rapped on his closed door, ‘Are you still asleep?’4
Dominic chose not to respond in hopes of her supposing he was.5
'You sleep like a rock', Devoura sighed, tapping on his door with her long fingernail.6
‘Devoura, come over here! I need to talk to you’, called Mother from the kitchen.7
‘I’d love to; Mother, but I broke a leg’, Devoura stated dramatically.8
Dominic jumped up and opened the door in such a rapid and threatening way that Devoura fled. She halted beside the stairs, and glanced at Dominic with a hint of bemusement.9
‘Weren’t you asleep?’ she questioned.10
‘Wasn’t your leg “broken”?’ he asked mockingly.11
‘Huh? Oh yes!’ she exclaimed, and then presented her right leg to him, wobbling it as though in pain, ‘Oh! Oh! How agonizing!’12
Dominic gazed at her in admiration and amusement.13
It was then Blake exited his room and strode closer to them, his hair chaotic and his skin, as always, inexplicably pallid. He stared first at Devoura, then at Dominic with lusty eyes.14
‘Blake!’ Devoura gasped, displaying her right leg, ‘I broke my leg!’15
‘Did you now?’16
‘Yes. You see, I was-’17
‘DEVOURA!’18
Hearing Mother’s shrill voice fill the atmosphere, Devoura's eyes widened to an immense degree, and she darted down the stairs in panic, leaving Dominic and Blake alone.19
‘Hi.’ Dominic blinked uneasily, a blush forming on his cheeks.20
‘Hello’, Blake replied innocently, ‘How do you feel?’21
‘F-Fine’, Dominic murmured, gazing at his brother in admiration.22
In a swift movement, Blake placed a gentle kiss on Dominic’s lips.23
‘I’m sorry I was rough with you last night’, Blake whispered, ‘I guess I got carried away.’24
‘It’s ok. We all do sometimes’.25
Blake smiled faintly as he stroke Dominic’s hair fondly, the desire in his eyes astonishingly decreasing. Dominic’s exoneration most likely triggered his lust once more. He kissed Dominic fervently, forcing his tongue into Dominic’s mouth. The tide of disgust washed over Dominic briefly, but it was overcome with passion and desire. He melted into the kiss happily.26
‘Dominic! Blake! Time for breakfast! It’s already 10:00!’ their mother exclaimed in exasperation.27
Blake sighed and pulled away from his twin, who was dazed by the kiss. 28
‘Come on’, he muttered passionately, running his hand through Dominic’s black hair, ‘You silly idiot.’ He smiled.29
Was it good?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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well, to me, it was...strange. A topic like this never crossed me to write about. And, ok, honestly, I felt weird reading it, not about the 'gay' idea but the 'gay incest' theme. However, it was a good write. Your beginning was intriguing, which was why I kept reading. I think your dialogue and descriptions were all great. I think Blake's character could have been developed abit more. So, though I'm not really much of a fan of the topic, it was an interesting piece - nice work!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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This is amazing. As Usual.
If you don't follow up on this, I may just scream.
You write so beautifully.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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um yeah so, theres more right? cause if there isnt im gonna go nuts.
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i haven't read the whole story, just this chapter/part. i like it. it's very interesting.
i like the language you used in your story-it's very good.
keep writing
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As a chapter of a story or even a part of a chapter it is good. Not as a story on it's own. The reader doesn't know what has happens before this part, we can only guess. Overall it's a good piece.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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...Great i sbdolutle love brother to brother yaoi and this story just rokz please add more
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Wow Wow WoW this made my day THANK you soo much mate ^^ I love it Twin yaoi XD yummy XXD
I cant wait to read more and more ^^ XD
DNY---
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It is set in a different time-era. That is what I imagine from the way your style was put across. I could be wrong, please correct me if I am.
The point in focus was it good? Parts of it were. Other parts where a little flat. I would have loved to see more descriprion, and atmopshere rather than diagloue. You told us, more than showed us, and for me that is always a let down a story.
On the plus side I love a good brother to brother love story. Reminds me a little of my story 'The Matt, and Andy show"- Ah fond memories.
Continue writing by all means.
But step it up a notch with chapter two.
Please take my feed back kindly.
Blair
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yes
i love the way you made us guess the brothers slept together. you didnt just give us details right away. you put this story together nicely. i think you should right a second chapter if you already havent. good job
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