why me? ~ part 2 ~

Jakes P.O.V1

I hear a cracking sound in the trees and look up there she is, the most beautiful girl I will ever know her short black hair put up in a pony tail with her pink streaked fringe covering her right eye. She’s just sanding there looking at me how long has she been there? 2

I get up off the swing and start to walk over to her, she starts to walk out of the shaded trees and the first thing I notice her eyes are vivid red, its obvious she has been crying, crying like she found out the world was going to end tomorrow. I knew what she was going to say, she knew what she wanted to say, but it’s clear she doesn’t want to. I’m not going to give her up without a fight. Walking was to slow I started to run I ran 4 long strides and grabbed her and cradled her in my arms. I didn’t want this moment to end because even though this time wasn’t the happiest of our moments together I knew if I let her go that could be it forever.3

We stayed like that for a wile her arms were stayed almost glued to her side, she started to whimper she was staying strong whatever was bothering her, but I knew it was tearing her up inside, I bent down and whispered in her ear.4

“Lela please tell me what’s wrong, how can I make it better?”5

And with that a tear shed down her pale ice cold cheek I gently grazed my thumb across to wipe it away and leaned my face in closer until our lips met she doesn’t move but doesn’t pull away either. This obviously isn’t working so I just lightly kissed her trembling bottom lip until she finally speaks.6

“Jake we need to talk. “7

Her voice was like she was planning this speech for a wile 8

“Sure, what’s wrong? “9

I pull back of her lip and look at her face its blank, expressionless and her arms are hugging her waist and her belly.10

“Can we sit down?”11

I didn’t want to let her go but if she wanted to sit then I would do anything for her. I unwrapped my arms around her and she starts to walk to the bench still hugging herself. I tag along behind her giving her some space she looked like she didn’t need a crowd just a pain killer I always promised her I would be her only medicated drug, she even said when I’m around all her pain disappears, so why am I so helpless now, so helpless to take her pain away if anything I was making it worse I didn’t want to admit it but it was the truth we both knew it and you can only escape and run from the truth for so long before it gets even worse.12

We was sitting at the bench and she started to say...13

“Look, I...I think you know why were here.”14

Her tears are building I feel utterly powerless I don’t know what to do or say that can change this, I don’t think there is any thing I could say to make her hurt less 15

“I can’t do this anymore,”16

“Do what Lela, us? I thought we were in love forever”17

She looked down and played with her hands in her lap.18

“We were but things have changed, I’ve changed, I think...I think this is better for the both of us.”19

“Lela, you think this is better, what if I know this won’t be better.”20

I started to get a little irritated and I think it showed in my voice, but how could she think this before whatever had happened we were great like inseparable, we lived we craved each other and she’s what, just going to chuck this all away because of one event! She broke my train of thoughts by her sad irritated angle like voice21

“Please, this will be for the best we just need to...move on.”22

“But I cant Lela, I cant be me without you, when you came into my life everyone noticed I changed for the better I felt whole, like I could be me and not afraid of being me. Please Lela please I can’t move on”23

I started to beg, what else could I do.24

“Just try.”25

Her voice was plain, didn’t she even care that this was it. Then it suddenly hit me this WAS it, the last time I would ever have her.26

“You know I care about you, this is why it cant go on...I cant go on like this, move on be happy, forget me, bye Jake...I was yours always yours.”27

She got up and started to walk away, I swear I heard her start to cry but when she talked she sounded so calm like she didn’t care, I had to stop her now and i had to hurry.28

“Wait...!”29

I shouted at her and she stopped, she turned her head but not her body and i was right she was crying harder than I have ever seen before.30

“No...Move on, it’s over.”31

I stood up from the bench my knees feeling week I never felt this way before.32

“Is there nothing I can do to change your mind, I’m sure we can work things out.”33

“Jake, I’m sorry there’s nothing.”34

“Please, I thought I was forever yours.”35

“Bye J, you were forever mine.”36

She was gone before i could even think about thinking again, I staggered home knowing that i would get a earful from my step mum Jessica, I was in the park for a further 2 hours after...after she left, I just needed to think, It was now 11pm and I was at the house waiting for my hand to reach up and turn the house key.37

There was no need to think about the house key for long I had bigger things like dodging the slap I was about to receive on my cheek, yes i already knew what was coming as soon as the front door swung open and there stood psycho Jessica, she drew one arm back then forcefully swung it back till it hit me square on my left cheek I didn’t feel a thing but I knew it was turning pink and it would probably tingle soon. Her angry voice was ringing through my empty head.38

“WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE BEEN, HUH WELL!!”39

I didn’t reply I didn’t know what to say she didn’t understand love, in her eyes she didn’t need to, she had my dad that would do any thing for her just because she was blond and slim possibly modal material, he spoilt her rotten just so he could say oh yeh that’s my bird to all of his drunken friends down Joe’s pub.40

“GET YOUR ASS INSIDE NOW!!!”41

Boy, she was angry with me, then again she would find any reason to get to give me a slap, she hated me because apparently i took up to much of dads’ time. Uh Yeh almost 4 hours a week with dad that’s so bad isn’t it I count it lucky if i get a hello or a goodbye from him, i do every thing for myself, to scared to ask Jess, dad to drunk to do anything about it, yes i was only 17 but had all the life skills and maturity of a 30 year old. i had to i have no choice i don’t want to starve i don’t want to were dirty creased clothes, and I certainly don’t want to be alone in the house with Jess, i could beat her up i could push her away and then run somewhere safe but she has contacts and last time i did that i got 3 broken ribs bruises everywhere and a death threat from Jess and her cronies. I walked into the house, she slammed the door, when we was alone this was like a routine now. She slapped and she kicked and she punched (quite hard for a girl) till soon i was on the floor, and tasted fresh blood in my mouth.42

“YOUR DAD IS ON A TWO DAY HOLIDAY LEAVING ME RESPNCEABLE FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME, WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPEND!!!”43

What did she care if i got hurt physically in the park, was it that it would take all the joy of doing it herself or that dad promised her a present when he got back if all went well.44

“Ugh immature boy, I’m going out don’t know when I’ll be back. You need a wash,”45

And with that she went to the kitchen got a glass of water and tipped it on my bare face, the hot water ran down my face and started to make a red puddle on the floor from the blood and water.46

“Now, what do you say?”47

Every bad word under the sun, that’s what i wanted to say.48

“Thanks, I guess.”49

“WRONG!”50

She kicked me in the ribs, where an already excruciating pain was already being developed. 51

“YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFULL FOR WHAT YOU ARE GIVEN!” 52

What has she given me? Broken bones, hundreds of bruises, black eyes, a drunk for a dad and millions of bad memories. Over the years she has been my awaking nightmare and Lela kept me going, i could never tell her about Jessica, she knew something was wrong but just let it breeze over, just seeing her smile made all of Jessica go away, what do i have now, nothing.53

“CLEAN THIS AND YOU AND YOUR ACT UP BY THE TIME I GET HOME!!”54

And with that the door slammed shut and I was alone with all my bad thoughts and my will to die.55