Subterranean Homesick Alien

“Johnny” knew he’d be dead by this time tomorrow.1

Tomorrow was a word he had learned from one of the humans, an elder of their kind. Said something about “We must live through a day, knowing there could be no tomorrow”. When “Johnny” asked him what “Tomorrow” meant, the old man laughed, than explained tomorrow meant “never taking a moment for granted”. “Johnny” later found out this was not a literal definition of the word. Humans are funny that way. Explaining things in such abstract ways, as if to give them more meaning than they really have.2

“Johnny” starred up at the “sky’. A word he learned from a smaller, pinker of their kind. “Sky” was the word for where Johnny came from. “Sky” was a word that was used to explain the places that humans hadn’t fully explored. “Sky” would mean “Freedom” to the elder.3

He had spent three Earth days with the humans, participating and studying. Learning all he could about them as a species, and transmitting the information home. Not to aid in the takeover of the planet, but more just to index what was out there. 4

“Johnny” looked down at the recorder in his hand. A small device used to transmit his reports to The Captain. “Johnny quickly re-read what he had written, to “proof read” it before sending. Another interesting human concept he had learned, from a strong-willed member of the species, who’s occupation was “writer”.5

“Johnny” mouthed the Human Words on the screen as he went over his notes.6

Hello Captain, It Is “Johnny” Reporting From Earth,7

I have spent the last three Earth Days here on this planet, learning and expanding my mind, as you have instructed. Here are the incidents I took note of, and have found insight into the species as a whole.8

Incident 1: “Yoga”9

I stopped by a “coffee shop” to intake a human beverage known as “Coffee”. It was too hot, and burned my sensitive human skin. It was also incredibly bitter, making it almost unbearable to drink. Yet, for some reason, humans seem to enjoy it anyway. In vast quantities. It seems to have an uplifting effect on them, which is the same feeling I get from “fresh air”. It would seem humans rather enjoy “coffee” than “fresh air”.10

I approached a younger female-form of the species, and asked her what there was “to do” around. This lead her to explain to me the human practice of “yoga”. She claimed it as an experience of the mind and the body. I figured this was exactly what we were seeking. Test the physical nature of humans, and the mental capacity as well. She welcomed me to come along with her to a “yoga session”.11

I arrived only to find that many humans flocked to this activity. I figured it must mean it to be truly awakening to all humans, of all ages. 12

The “instructor” gave us simple “warm ups” to start. I was surprised to find the human body not as flexible and durable as our own natural form. The stretches and bends caused great strain on this form, and were quite difficult indeed. The pain in the various points in my body were described as “a good pain” by my human companion. I found this to be a ridiculous contradiction. Good and Pain are two words, as I understand it, that should not go together.13

Afterwards, I left not feeling any clearer mentally or physically, but instead left with a  slight limp.14

Incident Two: “Dog”15

A smaller, pink-fleshy member of the species approached me on the street shortly after leaving the “yoga session”. She showed me a picture of a strange creature and asked if I had seen her “dog”. I took from this that “dog” is some sort of creature that humans keep as pets, and claim ownership over. A strange concept, one creature “owning” another. It made me feel as if the human species enjoyed having power. However, the little human seemed distressed, so I decided to help and see this “dog” creature for myself.16

She handed me various copies of the picture, and told me to “put them up”. I held them up in the air, expecting them to flock from my hands and travel to various places. They did not. She did seem slightly amused by what she described as “weird” activity. Saying I was “funny”. “Funny” I learned is a term humans use to describe things that are out of place or “silly”. “Funny” seemed to be a way to cause the humans to emit a strange sound I learned as “laughing”. I do not know what it was, but something about this “laughing” from the little human made me feel warm. I tried this “laughing” and found it quite liberating indeed. I believe that if more humans “laughed” they would be much happier. 17

We pinned the pictures to various objects around “town”. Asking people if they had seen this “dog”. The creature was often referred to as “Rose” by the little human. I learned that “Rose” was the name given to the creature. Much like “Johnny” was the name given to me upon my arrival.18

The hours were getting late, and I knew I did not have too much more time to spend looking for this “dog”. However, to my surprise, I noticed a creature quite similar to the one in the picture running nearby. I was able to lure it over to me with a noise the little human described as “whistling”. A strange noise, much sharper than that of the “laughing” noise. However, it did seem to attract the “dog”. It ran up to me with a dull expression. Yet, somewhere in that expression I saw a happiness I did not see in humans. A carefree attitude. Much like we have. It seemed to not mind, even enjoy, when I patted it on it’s head. I then proceeded to pick it up and bring it to the little one. She emitted another strange noise, which I later learned was described as a “squeal of delight”. She was quite happy to have found her “dog”. It would seem that this kind of happiness comes from a thing called “love”. For some reason, when seeing the little human express this emotion, I couldn’t help but long to feel it myself. 19

I parted ways with the little human, after she said many times this word “thanks”. I have since figured that the word “thanks” is used to express gratitude. A “hug” also seems to be a physical form of the word “thanks”. It also seems to be an expression of “love”. The little ones arms around me gave me a warm feeling, much like the “laughing”.20

Incident 3: “Crime”21

As I wandered to my place of rest on this planet, I bumped in to several younger human forms in darkly colored cloth. They were quite hostile. Yelling things such as “watch where you are going, fucker”, and “you got a problem?”. I did not understand why they were so hostile as I watched them.22

I wandered the streets for a few more “hours” and came across the same younger humans in the darkly colored cloth again but this time another human, an elder, was with them. They seemed to be pushing the same hostile attitude towards this elder. I found it to be strange, younger humans treating an elder one in this way. I was under the impression that humans “respected their elders” as you had taught, but I have found this to be a false assumption. They were asking for this elders “money”. 23

The elder was resistant, calling them things such as “punks” and “hoodlums”. The younger humans did not seem to find these words very pleasant, for they reacted with sudden violence. They struck the elder human to the ground, and proceeded to kick him. They then reached into his cloth and took out his “money”. As they walked away, I approached the elder human and reached out a hand to help. I figured, if the humans on this planet won’t “respect their elders” the least I could do was give this elder human “respect”. He was leaking some strange red fluid from his mouth and nose, which, as he wiped it away, he referred to as “blood”. “Blood” I learned, was what goes throughout the human, giving them their warm feeling. And keeping them alive. 24

The elder human “thanked” me for my “help” and asked me my name. I immediately felt more affection towards this human than the darkly clothed ones. He was pleasant, and very “respectful”. I told him my name was “Johnny”. His name was “Chester”. Even with his “money” missing, and his “blood” leaking, “Chester” was still able to emit “laughs”. I found this quite surprising, in his distressed state. 25

I walked him to his place of rest, and he shared with me many tales of how the “streets” of this town used to be different. Now they are over-run with “hoodlums” and “criminals”. “Crime” I learned, as a constant human activity that stems from “greed” and “hatred”. I did not like these words. They left me unable to “laugh” or “smile”. Instead they left me “angry” and “upset”. I did not understand why humans would commit these acts of “crime”. Why they could not all be as pleasant as the little pink human or this elder one. The elder taught me a lot about humans in those few minutes, and I am grateful to have met at least one of these “respectable” elder humans.26

Incident 4: “Literature”27

In the “lobby” of my place of rest, I noticed only one person still awake. A mid-aged male human. He had a device on his lap that was quite similar to my communication device. I have learned since that this is called a “computer”. It is similar, but capable of doing much more than our communication devices. As I talked to this middle-aged human, I learned that he was using his device to “write”. I asked about this “writing” and learned it is something humans do to “express themselves”. He was a “Writer”. Or someone that “writes” more frequently than others.28

I inquired as to what he was “writing”, and he explained to me he was “struggling” to finish a “novel”. 29

A “novel” is an extended communication. A very, very extended communication. He allowed me to read several “pages” of this particular communication. I have translated the following passages:30

“It was in this lust, that Melanie found a will. Travis has given her that much.
Somewhere in her heart, Melanie knew things would be alright as long as he
was always by her side. Travis had been there after the accident , holding her
hand as she lie in that hospital bed. His smile was the first thing she saw upon
waking from that coma. It welcomed her to the rest of her life, and for the first
time since the accident, she felt happy.” 31

It would seem to me that this “novel” expressed “love” and “happiness”.32

The writer seemed in distress about a lack of a good “ending”. I learned that an “ending” is how the story closes. And if a story lacks a good “ending”, it nullifies the effectiveness of the “novel”. 33

I found this good “ending” to be quite similar to “death”. I wondered if my “ending” would be a good “ending”.34

I have learned many things in this study. There are many types of humans with many types of behaviors. Some are quite positive, while others leave you with bad feelings. All and all, I somewhat enjoyed my experiences here. I hope this transmission will be of help to you and the future of our species. 35

Now, I am going to seek my good “ending”36

“Johnny”37

He translated it back into his native language, and hit send.38

“Johnny” found himself in a field. A breeze was blowing the grass and flowers to and fro, and “Johnny” lay down right on the spot. The breeze felt quite good on his “skin”. He realized that the normal human life was much longer than his. He had only “weeks” but humans had many, many “years”. He spent his last moments reflecting on the little pink human, the “dog”, the elderly human, and the middle-aged “writer”, and “smiled”. He wondered why, with all the time they had on this planet, humans would waste so much of it committing “crimes”. They were lucky to have so many “years” of life. And yet, so many of them seemed to take them for granted. Even with the experiences on this planet, “Johnny” could not understand why. He wished he was human, so he could enjoy the many “years” and many new experiences. 39

He liked being “Johnny”. 40

Johnny closed his eyes and laughed. This was a good ending, for sure.