I'm In Love With The Vampire Prince (Pt 1)

It was just like any other day in my babysitting classes at the community center. A hot muggy class room filled with girls smacking their gum and guys passing notes.1

I was day dreaming about my best friends party when my teacher called me up to preform CPR on a dummy. He called my name 4 times before I finally came back to reality.2

Brittney...Brittney...Brittney...BRITTNEY! I jumped up out of my seat and tripped down the aisle to the front of the room. I heard people giggling.3

I took one look at the doll. It was old and it had bite marks and gum stuck to the mouth. I looked at my teacher in disgust hoping he would pull out the new doll but he didn't. The giggles grew louder. As I was about to give mouth to mouth my cell phone started buzzing.4

I looked at the screen. It was my mom texting me. My teacher excused me from class.I grabbed my bag and ran out of the room. I went to the lobby and sat down on a bench. 5

I took my phone out and read the text. This is what it said."Hi hunny, it's mom. There is an emergency with Dad. You need to go home right now. I will be there in 20 minutes. Love you!"6

I was beyond worried. I ran out to the parking lot and I took the elevator up to level 3 where I was parked. I liked level three because hardly anyone ever parked there. I ran to my car and right when I was about to unlock it I got hit in the head and then everything went black.7

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8

I woke up in a tenebrous, and sodden room. I was surrounded by cement walls, which were wearing away and left in it's place, dirt and bugs. Screams creeped up my throat, then were realeased.9

The lights flickered on. My screams grew louder until I saw a tall, pale man with jet black hair walk down some stairs. 10

"SHUT UP! YOUR GOING TO GET ME IN TROUBLE."11

I was confused and shaken. Questions overflowed my mind.12

"How? Where am I. Who are you. How did I get here."13

He smiled beastly.14

"The Prince. An under ground castle. None of your business. And people were sent for you."15

I understood now. Holy crap. I was kidnapped. I didn't know why though and as I was about to ask he cut me off16

"Eat this. You need to be filled up before the prince feeds off of you."17

He handed me a plate of something that smelled of eggs and milk. I looked at the man in horror. Feed OFF me? I look at the plate in disgust.18

"What the hell is THIS crap? I'm not eating this! And what do you mean FEED OFF ME?19

"The prince needs to eat to you know. Just eat it before I waste you myself."20

The man left. Screaming turned into histarical crying. I ate bits of the food and went to sleep. I didn't know what to expect the next day.21

I woke up the next morning and I was in a bed. I didn't know how I got here but I was thankful for it...Kind of. I sat up and there was a peircing pain in my neck. It burned. I walked over to the body mirror and looked at my neck but there was nothing there.I decided to look around the room.22

It was a red and black room with a king sized bed with a black comforter and red Pillows, it had red carpet, A huge wardrobe which was suprisingly filled with clothes-all my size, it had a vanity table covered in make up and otherbeauty supplies, there was a black sofa, and off to the back of the room was a door, it led to a bathroom. 23

I decided to take a shower. I wasn't suprised that the shower was filled with shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. As I was washing my hair I heard a loud knock on the door. I got our of the shower and wapped a towel around me. 24

I said come in and in walked a girl who looked 17-just my age. She had long brown hair, pale skin, and big brown eyes. She pushed a cart and sat a tray of food on a table I hadn't noticed earlier. 25

"Thank you."26

She gave me the eye.27

"Um excuse me, do you know where I am and why I am here?"28

"Well, this is the underground castle. You are here because Prince Chandler needs a blood slave. I've told you too much. Goodbye."29

That's all she said, then she left. That's when I started freaking out! I screamed over and over NO! I thought that this couldn't be happening to me! WHY ME! I pounded on the door, pleading for help. It was so shock that no one helped me.30

I felt that there was no need to get dressed yet so I sat in the towell. There was another knock on my door. I didn't want to allow anyone in the room, because I was to scared, and I was crying.31

"Come in."32

In came the sexiest man I had ever seen. He was tall, pale, had longish brown hair, and his eyes were black.33

He laughed.34

"Why aren't you dressed and why are you crying?"35

"Well..." I started embarrassed.36

"I I just got out of the shower about an hour ago, and I didn't feel the need to get dressed and I'm crying because I just found out I'm a blood slave for some Prince Chandler guy."37

"That would be me. You belong to me now. Well I'm going to have to do this with your clothes off, I'm very hungry and I can't contain myself any longer."38

"Do what?" I asked horrified as he slowly approached me even though I knew exactly what he was going to do next. 39

He grabbed me by the waist and my towell fell off my upper body. He threw me onto the bed and moved my hair from my neck. I started screaming for help. I kicked and hit, pinched and bit whatever I could. It seemed as though it didn't effect him. Like he was unstoppable. He was to powerfulfor me. I gave up.40

He sunk his teeth into my skin and for 5 seconds it was the most pain I had ever felt, but then it turned into pleasure. I didn't want him to stop but then he did. He sat up and smiled. His smile was the last thing I saw before I dozed off.41

Once again, I woke up in the bed. I was still undressed from last night so I decided to take a shower. I was scared. I didn't know what was going to become of me. I noticed my neck didn't hurt as much as the first time. I also now knew why I was here. I was a blood slave for Prince Chandler. I was thinking about what else would happen to me. But no matter what thought I was thinking, I always ended up thinking about Chandler. He wasn't mean as far as I knew, and he was so attractive.42

I was still scared though. In fact I was more scared than I was yesterday because now I know what to expect and being a blood slave to a vampire was the last thing I could have expected. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought I would be in the postition I am now.43

I layed off thinking about the prince and being the blood slave for a few minutes and I came back to reality which was my family. I had almost forgotten I had left them, it was unintionally but I did leave. They are probably looking for me. My mom is probably suffocating herself with memories of me until I am found and my dad is most likely in the hospital because whatever happened the other day. I was in deep thought when I heard the bedroom door open. I turned off the shower. 44

"Who's there?"45

I heard footsteps proceeding to bathroom door, then the door opened. I slid the shower door open and stuck my head out. I saw Chandler. 46

"There is this new thing called knocking. What are you doing in here anyway. I don't want to be your blood slave anymore. Let me go."47

He smiled his perfect smile. I couldn't beleive I was his blood slave. I loved it and hated it at the same time. 48

"Sorry Brittney, I just wanted to see you. It's not my feeding time yet and I hate to say it to such a nice girl but you HAVE to be my blood slave or you must die."49

"Why? Why can't you just let me go? I promise I won't tell anyone about this ever. If you just let me go. And how do you know my name."50

"I know your name, because ironically, I can read minds. And as much as you wish you could go I can't risk the secret of my kind being unleashed. It's to dangerous for us. You aren't the only human here but you are the human with the most power."51

"You read minds? Liar!"52

"I am no liar."53

I could tell he was getting frustrated.54

"What is going to happen to me?"55

"Well, if you continue your childish and annoying behavior, you will have to die, but if you behave yourself, and listen to me, you can stay, You will live, and you will gain access to more power.56

"I see, I have no choice. Well, are you going to promise to be kind to me?"57

"Brittney, I am like any other human being besides the fact I drink blood and read minds and have an immense deal of power. I can have a temper at times, but I promise you I am a nice guy, and I wouldn't want to hurt you ever."58

"Well, drinking my blood hurts for a few seconds, and not being able to see my parents causes me emotional pain."59

"I only drink your blood because I need it. If I didn't, I would go mad and kill many people. You are saving me, yourself, and many other people when you allow me to feed from you."60

"Well what about my parents?"61

"Like I said, when you behave yourself and trust me, I trust you, and with trust and obedience comes more freedom, When you are 18 I will allow you to visit your parents but you will still be my blood slave."62

"Okay. I don't like this...At all. I have no choice. I wan't to live. This all goes against what I beleive but I must do this."63

"Good, I see that you now understand, that is step one rto freedom...Good."64

"Now Chandler, why are you here?"65

"I want you to meet my parents."66

"Why, I am just a blood slave."67

"Well, I have had many blood slave in the past, but you are certainly the best blood slave. You see, your blood tastes so good to me. The best I have ever tasted. I want to keep you around, but sadly I need my parents premission to keep you."68

"Well what happens if you can't keep me?"69

"I would be forced to kill you."70

When he said he would be forced to kill me, it sent chills down my spine. I was very nervous and scared for the dinner. But he said it in a tone of voice that sounded as if it killed him inside to know there is a chance I wouldn't live to see tomorrow. Like he cared for me. I felt quite stupid after saying that because just then I remembered that Chandler can read minds. He laughed. 71

"Also, Brittney..."72

"Yeah."73

"I heard you thinking about how sexy I am, I wanted to tell you thanks, and that your pretty sexy yourself!"74

"Oh be quiet. Could you just hand me a towel. I am freezing."75

"Yeah, sure."76

Chandler threw a towel over the shower door for me. I can't beleive I stood in the shower for that long only to find out I could die tonight. I stepped out of the shower and scooted past Chandler. He followed me to the bedroom.77

"Anyway Brittney, get dressed, we are going to go to dinner in the dining hall in about an hour. I will be here to get you soon."78

I nodded obediently and Chandler left. I walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out a long red dress that showed just enough chest to get Chandlers attention. I curled my hair and put on natural looking make up. I didn't know exactly why I was trying so hard to look good. This is all for a vampire?!  I picked up some body spray, looked at it, and out it down. I lauged to myself because I didn't want to smell too good or I could get attcked by one hundered vampires. I saw that on the table there was a beautiful diamond necklace with matching earings. Laying next to it was a note. It read "Brittney, beautful jewelry for a beautiful girl. I'm glad you are joining me for dinner. Love Chandler." It was so sweet. Could a vampire really be falling for me? Could I be falling for a vampire? I put the jewelry on and then there was a knock on my door. It was Chandler. 79

"Come in!"80

Chandler walked inside looking more attractive than he did 50 minutes ago.81

"If you think that then I might have to wear a tux more often then."82

We both laughed.83

"Okay, your whole mind reading deal is starting to get annoying!" I chuckled.84

"Sorry, can't help it!"85

We laughed again. I couldn't beleive it, but I was actually starting to enjoy Chandlers presence.86

"Ready to go Brittney?"87

"Yes."88

We closed the door behind us. I didn't ever get to see outside me room before but everything was beautiful...and expensive. Chandler put his hand on my waist. I shrugged his hand off. Chandler looked at me and I shook my head. He knew what that meant....Too soon. We got to the dining hall and it smelled of delicious foods! I saw that Chandlers parents were already seated. Chandler pulled a chair out for me and I sat down, then he sat down next to me. I noticed Chandlers parents were just staring at me and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable. Chandler must have known that because he immedietly started a conversation.89

"Mother, Father, this is Brittney, my new blood slave."90

"Hello Brittney, my name is Alexander, and this is my wife Anastasoia."91

"Pleased to meet you." I said nervously.92

I thought to myself, my name sounds so unformal. There is Chandler, Alexander, Anastasoia, then my name...Brittney. Chandler was sipping water then spit it out and started laughing.93

"Something...Funny Son?"94

"Oh, it's nothing father really."95

Chandler looked at me and smiled.96

"Mother, Father, Brittney is THE best blood slave I have ever come upon and it would mean a great deal to me if you would let me keep her. It's not only her blood I crave, it's actually her too! You can see she is very beautiful, inside and out. She is humorous to!"97

I blushed. I didn't know how he could feel this strongly over me so soon.98

"Aw, that's sweet. You are in love with your Bloodslave?" Chandlers mom asked.99

"Yes, mother I am."100

"Well son, if you feel this strongly about Brittney, you can keep her as long as you please."101

"Thank you Father. Thank you mother."102

His parents Smiled and nodded. We enjoyed the dinner. Well at least the vampires did. I was a little too disgusted to eat because Chandler, Alexander, and Anastasoia were all drinking blood.103

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .104

After dinner, Chandler walked me to my room. We both went in.105

"That was, really sweet...What you said at dinner tonight."106

"Well I meant everything I said Brittney, I do care about you a lot."107

"I care about you to. But how could this all happen so quickly"108

"Love, moves faster with a vampire. Everything about me pulls you in. You fell in love with me at first sight. I fell in love with you at first bite. This was all meant to be. With humans it's different, you need time because you don't know what to expect. Humans cheat. Vampires do not. When we find someone we love, it's our only love. We have a destiny that only involves one lover, and when that lover is gone, so is our love life. You were made for me Brittney. That's why I don't want to loose you. I need you."109

Everything was so clear now. This is why I am here. I am needed for two reasons. Love and blood. I wouldn't usually fall in love so fast, but with Chandler it's different. It all happens much faster like he said. I now realize that.110

I realize that because, with a human boy I wouldn't have trusted him so quickly. I wouldn't have loved anyone so soon. I thought I was crazy for loving a vampire. I was crazy. But I can't resist. I knew I would find love, I just didn't know it would be with a vampire...111

"Any blood for desert?"112

"If you would like. Then yes."113

Chandler nodded. I'll give you a break for a night. You deserve it. Chandler picked me up and lay be on the bed. He tucked me in as if I were a child. He hummed a beautiful tune that meade me fall asleep. The last thing I saw before I dozed off was Chandlers beautiful face. Because of that, I dreamt sweet dreams that night.114

115

~*~END OF PART ONE~*~

Author notes

This story does move fast so I will edit it so check back soon to see the edited versions.

Okay, so in this story, I edited it so that Chandler and Brittney don't kiss yet. I know that ruins the next part but we all know that they will kiss so oh well.

What did you think of this first part of Vampire Prince?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • star-13
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    wow that was a lovely good job


  • Satan-chan
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    wow.. i love it.... sooooooooooo fast..... and sooooo soon.. this seem like it's going to end soon.... sooryy. but i like this story... so gud that made my heart pounded. lol... i love it.. r u writing some more???


  • Yuki3
    July 10

    Edit | Reply

    A delight

    I enjoyed it alot. I hope this story doesnt end to fast. Is it a short novel, or a long one? It seems fast paced and upbeat, I love it!!! Continue soon.

  • Alright, I liked how you re-rewrote it. When Brittany first sees Chandler, it's a key part of the story. If you made that a paragraph for example like (Oh by the way, please don't use this paragraph, please write your own)

    The door opened, the small breeze from the fast pace of the door settled in the room. I tightened the towel around my body and looked up. Eyes narrowed, he just starred. His face, his whole being made my mouth fall open. The shape of his face, the tone of his eyes, he set a mood, his own mood.

    You see, if I was you, I would even make it longer than that. Maybe two paragraphs.

    Good luck again


  • So far, extremely well-written, especially for your age!

    My verdict is the same as all the rest. Great story line, but it needs more pacing. The way it is, she gets used to having Chandler around the day after she meets him. Though I love your explanation about why she falls for him so quickly, it would make more sense if you spanned it just a few more days. Perhaps the dinner takes place on day five, rather than day two.

    Again, her blood being the best he's tasted, and him being a mind-reader is a bit too much like Twilight. I think it would be interesting if Chandler could only read the minds of those that he has fed from. This keeps your plot the same, while giving it less of a Twilight feel.

    Detail is definitely your friend. Sometimes it is easier to write in detail once the whole story has been finished. And I believe that yours will be a fantastic tale when all is said and done.

    Thanks for an enjoyable read!

  • i love it

    im so glad you explained why vampires and humans fall in love with eachother so fast, because if you hadnt, i as well as other readers, would be confused. i dont think humans fall in love that fast naturally. and im so glad you chose to have the parents say yes to their son's request. i would love to read more. please write a second part.

  • An enjoyable read but it jumped around quite a bit and like Milly said moved a little fast. It was a good plot and makes me want to read a little more. Great job.

  • it moved very fast and brittney came to terms with her new life very quickly.
    but it was enjoyable to read, a good plot and made me want to continue,
    well done, i look forward to reading more.

  • I'm glad you re-wrote it! It came out really good. If you want to make a scene more intense, you can try adding more description. For example in the scene where she wakes up.

    I woke up in a dark, cold, eery room. The cement walls encased me tightly, dirt had become part the the paint job. I didn't know where I was. Fear stuck me through the stomach and screams began to run away from my throat.

    Description is sometimes really had to do also. I sometimes find an online thesaurus and if I'm using the word, mad for example, I pick a more exotic word. It makes the story more interesting.

    This was really good though.

    Good Luck!!!

  • hey, this is good... maybe you should change some parts so they don't necessarily match other vampire books like twilight..but it's good. you should really before jumping around take the time to explain each character and the background of the story.

    good job though.

  • i thought it was really good the best vamp story i read yet

  • Ok, the beginning was good, but afterward it got a little hectic. First of all when Brittany was in the castle all freaked out, it made sense, but after the whole blood slave thing she's seems like, oh well cool. I think you're making this move way too quickly.

    Also I might be wrong but I think the reading minds part, and the part where Chandler is so sexy is a bit of a take off from the book twilight. I know you're probably not meaning it to seem that way, but for anyone who has read twilight it just seems like you're copying, but only in that one part!

    I think you need to go back and check your spelling, grammar, and typo's. There was quite a bit.

    In a story like this, you need background, you need to take time to understand the plot. If I was you, I would consider re-writing this to make it go slower, because for the reader, it's just too many things at once.

    Hope this helped.

    K.B.T

  • It was cute. Definitely good for someone your age. I just feel it jumps around a lot. But you write really well.


  • CAgirl1220
    July 3
    Edit | Reply
    nice story its full of happiness and wonde

1 - 14 of 14