Why is everything so messed up and Wrong???

I sat in my room crying.1

I had no idea that things would of turned out this bad by on stupid boy.2

Well if your wondering why I am on the floor in my dark room with a knife in my hand getting ready to end my life well I will tell you but the story starts 4 months before hand.3

I woke you to my alarm going off at exactly 5:30 as it usually does on a Monday morning. I opened my eyes, stretched and snuggled into my blankets on last time before getting ready to run to the bathroom to have a hot shower. It was a cold morning but was sure to heat up during the day. I turned on the taps to the shower and wait a few minutes until the hot water finally came through. It burned my pail skim lightly but was better then what waited outside of the warm barriers of the shower. After I washed my long brown hair, brushed my teeth and washed my skin I turned of the tapes and let the hot air escape me leaving me with only cold air and goose bumps. I dried my skin carefully and started to get dressed in my uniform. 4

I put on my black skirt clipping it to my bra with safety pins, so it wasn’t to long to be a stand out. I put on my small black tank-top, white school t-shirt, black jumper and started packing my bag. I put in all my books that wouldn’t clip into my folder and my food for recess and lunch. I wrote a small note to my mother explaining I got the but to school and would be home around 4. I hated getting the bus in the morning as it was cold and usually wet , but today was different I was slightly excited to get on the bus to school. 5

You see today was the day I get to meet Brody the boy I had been talking to for weeks about everything. He was a friend of James a best friend of mine that was gay and a joy to be around. Brody and I seemed to have so much in common like bands, movies and even colours. Our lives were slightly different but I didn’t care. Brody didn’t go to my school but he was going into town so we could get the same bus. 6

I had never had a boyfriend before and was slightly scared about how I should act but I trusted my instincts and my friends. I knew my friends would of told me if he was bad news of if I should stay away from him, but they didn’t. So I walked up to the bus stop a street away and waited to few short minutes until the bus pulled up at my feet. I dipped my bus pass and walked over to the two smiling boys at the far end of the bus. I smiled at the boys and went to sit next to the boy I knew only through friends.7

“Hi I finally get to meet you I’m Brody.” He said looking straight at me with a smile that covered his face.8

“Thanks’ I’m happy to meet you to it better to put a face to the words.” I said trying not to sound to weird. He smiled lightly and we started chatting as James put in his head phones trying to ignore the conversation going on behind him.9

Brody was amazing to be with fun, exciting, sweet and most of all mine. Over the next few weeks we became a couple and a close on at that. Then one day nothing.10

I hadn’t herd from him in over a week and st first was scared but then I got angry. He didn’t call me , text me or even email me. He live over an hour away so I couldn’t just go see him so I just let it go. I knew I could never be that happy. It was to good to be true. He was nearly everything I wanted, but I was wrong. So I closed that chapter.11

I said whatever but I did care so one night I got out my favourite position. No one ever knew I did this but it was like an indulgence ,a honor. To get the blade and slice it through my skin. I always thought I was so smart because I never cut my arm that would be too noticeable . So I went to my little hiding spot under my sock and put the cold metal to my skin. Soon blood starts poring out so I got a tissue and pressed it to the bloody mess running down my foot. I loved the pain, it filled my body in a matter of minutes letting me escape from the pain of rejection. 12

The next week I did nothing but stay in my room as it was the holidays and luckily my parents both worked. 13

----To Be Continued-------