Dreamed Past {Prologue}

"I want to fly." I thought as I looked up. "The sky is so blue, so vast yet I can't even touch a small part of it...." I slowly reached out with my hand, only to achieve nothing. I smiled faintly, and turned around with the intention of turning home. My feet refused to listen. Going back to the home which I could barely even manage to call home was still haunting my thoughts. My feet were like lead and barely holding back the urge to puke my guts out, I forced myself to rapidly walk up the riverbanks slope, and got on my bike. But before I could even push off, I heard footsteps behind me. Turning back, I saw 3 boys, all around 8 years old, disheveled and wet, running towards me and shouting, "HEEEEYYY, SEE YOU TOMORROW!!! OK, SIS?!" I waved towards them and gave them a small nod of my head, then started pedaling away down the dusty cement road. They were my friends, I realized. My little brothers....down by the riverbank.......then I was suddenly brought back to reality by the rush of a BMW passing by. The roar of the engine cleared my mind of all thoughts for a while and I concentrated only on the rhythm of my feet pushing against the pedals, trying to go faster and faster until everything around me was a blur of blues and greys and reds and whites.
If only I could leave the ground, I thought, I could fly. If only....those were bitter words. I quickly reworded my previous thought. If I had wings.....If I tried, maybe.....NG. Everything started with 'if'.As funny as it sounds, those words had ruined my life, brought me to an unwanted place where everyone ignored me, seeming as if I didn't exist. It would be better even if I was out on the streets. The thoughts bombarded my head as though they were bombs, trying to blow me up, the sounds of the explosives covering my cries of plea. Maybe I could live out on the streets, and make money somewhere......., I humored myself.
Turning left at the next corner, I pulled in to a grand driveway, and hopped off my bike just as a young girl around 16 came out. The slightly chubby brunnette girl with dull brown eyes and too much make-up on her face walked down the steps from the white mansion, and completely ignoring me, stalked into the tea house. Sighing with the stupidness of the scene(as I saw that she was in her usual fit), I leaned my bike against the wall of the greenhouse, and walked in to the mansion. Inside was dazzling white, of course, just like what a mansion would be expected to look like. Drapes covering all the corners, and expensive looking rugs covered almost every inch of the floor. Alongside the walls, which were a creamy white, lay desks with feather pens in ink bottles, giving the room an almost midievil atmosphere. At the far end of the room was, of course, the grand spiraling staircase. Walking up the stairs, I wondered if a mansion could even be called a mansion if it didn't have a big spiraling staircase. Even the ones in a fairytale had them. I opened the last door to my left and walked into my room. This was probably the most normal room here. A bed, a desk and chair,a small cabinet for my clothes and a latch-on lamp were scattered throughout the room along with a blue rug. I kicked the rug, for the thousandth time since I had moved in here 8 years ago, and moved towards my bed, only to trip on something and collapse face-first onto the floor. I slowly stood back up, my nose bleeding all over the floo and looked around for one of my old shirts. Finding a faded blue shirt, I pressed it against my bloody nose, then looked around to see what I had tripped on. As clumsy as I was, I was not the type to trip on air. Dragging my feet along the floor to find any bumps or objects, I succeeded in finding the cause of my still bleeding nose.
A piece of the mahogany floorboard was sticking up, where the rug had been a few moments ago.As I moved my face closer to it to observe it, I discovered some splinters and felt relieved that I had not gotten splinters as well as my bloody nose. Pulling a piece of plank out of the closet on my right, I started trying to pull the floorboard out. To my surprise, it came out a lot easier than I thought it would, and ended up landing on my butt. Thinking of my misfortunes,I started to fill the hole that was now present in my room when I found a folded piece of paper, slightly protruding from the wood which used to be my floorboard....until I pulled it out. Now that I looked more closely, the board itself was not damaged in any way except for the splinters from the surrounding floorboards. Getting slightly excited that it might be a secret 'place', I took the piece of paper out and unfolded it, thinking of what I would find.
The paper seemed old, it was starting to yellow around the edges and and the words on it were a bit smudged, as if it were written by a 4 year old, but legible. What was written on it made we widen my eyes in disbelief, then I slowly sat down on the floor, forgetting all about the plank and my still bleeding nose. I slowly whispered what was written on the paper, comfirming that it was real. 1

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"Takuma Sagito - (869-4424)" 3

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Does this story seem amateur or too fast paced? Do you think it's because it's a genre you don't like, or would you not recommend it for anybody?

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Comments

  • This was very good, there is one thing though, that I am going to say before all else, and that si ADD PARAGRAPHS!!!!! This was horribly difficult to read.

    Now I will tell you what I thought about the rest, I am curious what is so horrible about her life, but hey, thats a great thing, as long as you plan to reveil it in the future. Curiosity is one of the best elements a author can use. Also, over all it was well written, obviously, like everything else, it can be improved, but improvement is not somthing that requires immidiate attention when it comes to that. Just paragraphs, I was about to not read it because there were not any.

    Regarding the genre (you mantioned in your author notes) I'm not sure what it is yet. Mystery or fantasy? Or those are my guesses. Although, it really doesn't matter, its good that I don't know. You did a great job not telling my too much, but enough to get me hooked. Tell me when you've added paragraphs, and I'll reread it, I had a hard time following, so I've probably missed somthing. Like I said, really good.

    • tvxqmusik
      July 8
      Edit | Reply

      silent dances

      um, the roblem is i dont know how to edit my stories......