progress

Progress1

Stage one: first steps2

Some time ago I was a student at Stanley Ibek middle school, age 14, with nothing but enough smarts to pass through. No friends, a lonely life, but back then it didn't bother me. Teachers were always trying to get me to be more social, all I could ask them was "what’s the point?”3

Back then I just gave up on a social life, no friends means no distractions I always thought. It was what I felt and followed, no one could break it. I lost most of my emotions in the 8th grade. Love, hate, happiness, sorrow, shame, and gilt all had no effect, I was no emotion. I was just what I would consider "something" passing through. When I went home all I had was my father, normally passed out from drinking too much, or my brother, who was a nice guy but, most of the time was locked in his room away from reality. My relatives had left to get away from what they call my despicable father. I never thought of him that way and who was I to judge. The boy with no emotions was who I was. I went like that till the 9th grade... High school.4

I was still the same way till I met Shirley Eames. She was smart, fun to be around, and was always smiling. Long light brown hair with blue eyes. When she noticed me sitting by myself across the classroom before class had started. I was staring out the window when she walked over and asked "Are you ok?"5

I looked at her "I'm fine" I replied bluntly then looked back out the window.6

"Doesn’t sound like it" she said. She came around the desk that I was sitting in and looked at me from my side. She could probably tell what had happened to me because all of a sudden she asked "do you have any friends?"7

"No" I said.8

"Do you want to be friends with me?" she asked. I all of a sudden felt something weird. A sudden feeling, I didn't know what it was. This feeling made me say "yes" without even thinking it through. That’s not something I’d normally do, I’d always think things through, but this feeling, unable to describe. Hopefully it won’t happen again.9

"What’s your name?" she asked.10

"Jonathan cirtas" I said. 11

When I was 16 I was still with no emotions, I was still friends with Shirley, and keeping up my grades. The relationship between me and Shirley must have been hard for her. She was always telling jokes and fooling around laughing like crazy but, I never laughed or smiled with her. It must have been hard to put up with me.12

It was the middle of the tenth year when I met two of Shirley’s childhood friends. Adam Willis and Dianna Simerre. Adam Willis is the tough guy with a playful attitude about everything. He is 6.3ft tall with short brown hair. Dianna simerre is another playful person but is more about fashion and her appearance to everyone around her. She is 5.6ft tall with long smooth black hair. Both as wild as Shirley is the first week they were at our school were always interesting. Never a dull moment with the three of them. 13

One day in the cafeteria we were walking over to the table we normally sit in when all of a sudden I slipped on something. I feel backwards hitting my head hard on the ground. A weird rush of pain was in the back of my head. Dianna and Shirley both put there trays down and ran over to me leaving Adam standing there holding his tray with an incredulous look on his face. I lifted myself upright; sitting there I held my head that was throbbing. I opened my eyes to see Dianna and Shirley both sitting there looking like they were about to cry. 14

Dianna asked "are you ok?!" I was about to answer her when I noticed everyone in the cafeteria was staring at me. I looked all around until I saw Adam looking like he was about to burst out with laughter. I felt a weird heat come to my face as I looked around at everyone. All three of us stood up when my homeroom teacher walked in. Mrs.Sarner was a very nice teacher and always hated to get made at anyone.15

"What’s going on in here?" she said with a shy and quiet voice.16

"Were sorry john slipped on something and fell down" Shirley said17

Are you hurt anywhere john?" Mrs.sarner asked.18

"My head hurts a little but other than that I’m fine" I said.19

"That’s good. Try to take it easy ok?" Mrs.sarner said with concern.20

"Alright" i said. We looked at my tray that was still on the floor and the food was everywhere. 21

Later we were sitting at the table talking. Well they were talking and I was listening till Shirley said "you know john, you blushed for the first time since we met in the 9th grade" 22

"Really" I asked.23

"Yes, you did" she said. I thought about this for a while. I started to feel something else. I was thinking of how that was the first time I’ve ever shown emotion. Hearing this was a sensation I’d never felt before, could this be joy. Not enough a feeling to understand, but it was there. I looked over at her, I think I gave a small smile and turned back. I quickly glanced with my eyes she was sitting there staring at me with widened eyes. 24

Later we were walking home together like we always did when she asked me "at lunch when you looked at me, did you actually smile?" 25

"I don’t know" I said.26

"Well it looked like you did and it was--" she paused. I stopped walking and looked back at her staring down at the ground with a small grin on her face.27

"It was what?" I asked. We stood there for a while all I could see was her standing there sometimes giggling or her cheeks were red.28

“Well?" I asked impatiently. She flinched as she came out of her day dream. She looked over and said "oh, never mind" suspicion was on my mind but I continued home with her like normal, but she kept staring at the ground as if thinking about something life-changing. When we arrived at my house we both said goodbye and I stepped into my house and quickly leaned out to watch her leave. She started to walk and she sighed and lowered her head in a way that made me feel like running out there and talking to her more but I fought the feeling and stepped inside. 29

I walked around to find were my father was when I noticed he wasn't home. I checked on my brother who was sitting at his computer working on some homework. I went to my room threw down my bag and lay down on my bed. I starred at the ceiling thinking about the face that Shirley made when she left.30

I awoke to my father who was shaking me and telling me it was 8:00 in the morning. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.31

"Where were you last night?" I asked him.32

I stared at him still expressionlessly.33

"Good job" I said. He smiled and chuckled.34

"But I have a bit of bad news" he said.35

"What is it?" I asked bluntly.36

"We have to move" I looked at him incredulously.37

"What? Why?" I asked.38

"I can’t afford to keep the house so we'll be moving and both you and your brother have to go to new schools" I turned towards the wall. I couldn't face him. When I got up for breakfast I sat down at the table while I was eating toast I heard a sudden "what?!" come from the living room. I walked over seeing my brother just get the news that we were moving.39

"I’m sorry it has to happen" said my dad.40

"No we can’t move I don’t want to go to a new school!" said my brother. He got up from the couch, ran to his room and slammed the door.41

I went outside and Shirley was waiting there. I thought that during lunch time I would tell everyone.42

It was lunch time and we all sat down and were eating.43

"Hey I have bad news" I said.44

"What is it?" Dianna asked.45

"I have to move" both Adam Shirley stopped what they were doing and looked at me, Adam surprised and Shirley was Sadri ended up walking home by myself that day. Shirley said she had to run errands for her parents.46

The next day I ate breakfast and went outside. I stopped at my front gate to wait for Shirley. After I while I wondered where she was until I looked at the time and I had fifteen minutes to get to school. I left with ought her wondering why she wasn't there. I arrived at school and when I opened my classroom door I saw Shirley sitting in her desk looking down at the top of it with a depressed look on her face. She seemed to be hurt or tiered until; she looked over at me and widened her eyes. She gave me such a look of surprise that I was paralyzed. She put her head down and stared at the desk. I was about to walk over and talk to her when Dianna charged at me. 47

"We need to talk now!" she said furiously. All I thought was I must be in trouble.48

"What did u do?" she asked49

"What are you--?"50

"What did you do to Shirley?" she cut me off.51

"I didn't do anything" I said. She backed always from be a step or two and looked at the ground thinking about something. She had a worried look on her face. I’d never seen her like this before. She was always goofing around the seriousness was intense.52

"Has something else happened?" I questioned. She just kept staring at the ground as if I said nothing.53

"Well?" I was still staring at her.54

"I think I know what’s wrong" she said quietly with a sigh.55

"Ok so what is it" I asked. She lifted her head slowly and looked at me with eyes of regret.56

"Idiom so sorry john but, I can’t tell you" I didn’t know what to do but look away. Why wouldn’t she tell me what was wrong. That was what I had to find out.57

I was walking out the front of the school when I saw Shirley. I watched her stair at the ground thinking. I just stood there in the doorway. She put her arm up to her face and started to cry. I wanted to walk over and help her but... after today I was probably the last person she wanted to see.58

I walked home with a horrible feeling. I couldn't understand what it was. A pressure on me to turn around and run to her but I couldn't. I just kept thinking that I was the last person she wanted to see. 59

When I arrived home my dad was waiting for me. This time he was sitting on the couch with a newspaper.60

"How was school today John?" he asked. I stopped and stared at the newspaper he held in front of his face. He lowered it.61

"Well, how was your day?" he asked again.62

"It was... different" I quietly said.63

"Well what was so different about it?" he was becoming curious.64

"I uh... I don’t really want to talk about it ok" I said.65

"Well just let me know when you fell like it" he said with a smile on his face. I walked back to my room and sat down at my desk and pulled out my homework. I was in the middle of doing a question when I thought back to Shirley crying. The feeling returned ever so stronger. I leaned back in my chair and staired at the ceiling. thinking of it. why was she crying, why wouldn't she talk to me, and what have i done to her. i took a moment to reminis over the past times before this outcasting.66

i woke up to the sound of my alarm clock the next day. my head down on my desk. i got up and walked out into the living room. seeing my dad sitting watching tv and my brother sitting beside him. 67

"good morning" my brother said with a goofy smile on his face.68

"morning" my dad said. all i did was stair at them. i wasn't used too everyone being up in the morning. it was nice but a little strange.69

i left for school and i saw shirley walk by my gate. i wanted to call out her name but i decided it wasn't a good idea. i walked to school with the same feeling of regret putting preasure on me. when i arrived at school adam was talking to shirley comforting her, and dianna ran over to me with a concerned look. 70

"John" she said softly.71

"you half to talk with shirley" i started to walk over. she grabbed me by the arm.72

"not yet, wait till after school" i just stopped and turned to look at her. she was so desturbed by shirleys feelings. it made me feel sick to my stomach knowing that i may have done this to them. later adam confronted me.73

"what did you do John?" he dimanded.74

"look, you probubly know more about this than i do ok so leave me alone" i said. with that he walked away, holding in his anger and frustration. how could this happen? i show my emotions a little and screw everything up. i wish nothing had happened. but it did and now i have to deal with this.75

after school i went out front and i saw shirley standing there thinking. i walked over.76

"hi" i said. she looked over at me.77

"c-can you come with me somewhere for a minute?" she asked.78

"sure" i said.79

we walked for a while, but we never talked we just walked stairing either strait ahead or at the ground. we ended up at the overlook that has a veiw of the whole town from there. she looked over at me. 80

"can you tell why i've been avoiding you?" she asked. i looked over at the town.81

"i don't have a clue" i said. she stared at me and i kept looking at the town. i knew that if i looked at her something would happen i just didn't know what. i heard a noise, then i looked at her, seeing her now crying, hearing her gave me the feeling again. this time i knew i had to do something. she put her hands on her face to hide her tears. i walked over and i stood right infront of her. she looked up at me taking her hands off her face. i threw my arms around her. she was crying and rubbing her eyes inside my arms. she looked up at me. 82

"im sorry" i said. she widened her eyes still crying. she put her face on my shoulder and i put my hand on her head. feeling her soft smooth hair. she and i stood there, her in my arms. she was still crying, i had a feeling of releif from being able to comfort her. she lifted her face and looked at me.83

"please, dont leave" she cried.84

"i promise, i wont leave" i said. she smiled and put her face back. i held her close.85

"if i leave, who will be hear to comfort you"86