Sniffles.1
"Mommy!"2
"Angel, sweetie--"3
"Mommy tum!"4
Gently, "No, Angel..."5
Innocent blue eyes, raised from the photo, met anguished gray ones.6
"Mommy tum back!"7
"No, Angel, mommy's-- mommy--won't come--back."8
The storm came. And passed. Remaining droplets dampened the clouded face.9
.....10
Bedtime. 11
Angel clung to the picture; "Angel tarry mommy."12
Softly, "Yes. Angel carry mommy."
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thanks a lot. I've been away for a while, and I know you left this comment a while ago... but I really appreciate it. Thank you.
Happy Holidays.
--Jocelyn
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Sad but sweet!
This was a deep, moving and emotional piece that has the ability to twist the heart to pieces as you feel sorry for the child as well as the surviving parent. You've done a great job with it. F: Avril -
this is definetely deep!i love every bit of it!i love the way you create a dialogue between a baby and its mother...good job!!this is deep!!!
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Wow, Jocelyn, you gave me tears. What a tragic tale you told, by showing us how people react. My son used "t" for other consonants until he was 2 years old, so the dialog places the child's age very clearly. The inarticulate dad broke my heart. I still have a lump in my throat. Great emotional writing!
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What a sad story ..... This is so lifelike, the innocence and sadness of a small child is well represented in this short, solemn, poignant story. There's a world of understanding and condolence in this (fathers?) feelings and love for his little girl.
An excellent write, I hope ou leave it in the contest...it's beautiful
Dee
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55 words
this is sad that is true. No young child should lose a parent any more than a parent should lose a child.
You have dtawn an amazing picture of the child and her father attempting to go on.
As I read this again I got tears, you have captured the tone of a toddler.
Thank you for putting this back.
Susan -
Very sad indeed. No wonder I surround myself with nobody.
Talia
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