Loveless [Chapter 2]

Chapter 2: More Shame and Pain1

Part I: Joan gets her shame2

I woke up the next day, I had red eyes because all the tears I let out the night before. I had papers thrown in the floor and pencils everywhere. But I was feeling better. I let a lot out. Suddenly, my big brother came in.3

Bro: hey…4

Joan: please….go….away…5

Bro: no…I came here for some fun, and I’m not leaving with out it…I’m already prepared…6

Joan: you’re sick! Besides…mom and dad will see us…7

Bro: they are not home, and they told me to take care of you…and I will…8

Joan: I can take care of my self, thank you9

Bro: shut up! I’m the oldest and what I say, goes! Now…lie down on your bed…10

Joan: no!11

Bro: yes!12

Joan: no!13

He got close, slapped me on the face and pushed me on the bed.14

Bro: so, today’s gonna be the hard way…15

He began to toke off his close and he toke off mine, very harsh, ripping them. After he was without nothing, and I was, too, he got on me and began to kiss my breast. I begging to cry.16

Bro: and remember…if you say anything…you’re dead…17

He looked me with those evil eyes and I just said yes. And he continued. After a while, I felt something strong getting in me, I began to cry more. Then, he began to go from front to back, each time, faster and stronger. He had his hand on my mouth to I wouldn’t scream. Then, he got out, turned me, and he putted me in a dog position and he got in me again. I continue crying. After a while, after he was in the point of almost killing me doing his moves, he stopped. He finished. He got out of me and got down from my bed. I lied down on my bed. Crying. He got dressed and I covered with my covers.18

Bro: it was amazing…maybe we’ll do it again tonight…19

He smiled and walk away from my room. I was disgusted. Crying. Shaking. Hurt. I think I was even bleeding from behind. He did it very hard this time. I can’t take it anymore…I had to tell mom. But…what would she do? Believe me? Yell at me for not telling her sooner? Ground me for going along with it? I don’t know… I cleaned my tears and got dress and began to write some poems. I began to think in my Dark Prince. I needed him. I needed him to tell me “I love you”. I needed to be loved. 20

Part II: Dean Gets His Pain21

The next morning, my eyes were burning after all the tears. I think my eyes were dry…weird?...whatever. I was in my bed, looking up, listening to music. Suddenly, my mom comes in, drunk, screaming and almost falling.22

Dean’s Mom(drunk): you’re such…and idiot….(drinks) you shouldn’t even be alive right now….you were just a big mistake…(drinks) why don’t you do everybody a favor and kill yourself….really….DO IT!....23

I couldn’t believe her words. But, they say that when you’re drunk the truth comes out. She leaves the room and I just go to a corner of the floor and tears come out. After a few hours of crying. My dad comes in, he’s high.24

Dean’s Dad: hey…son…25

Dean: no…leave...leave!26

Dean’s dad: aw…but I wanna spend some quality time with my son…27

Dean: I don’t! leave or I’ll-28

Dean’s Dad: or you’ll what?...scream? no one will hear you…tell someone…they won’t believe you…cry…ja! Like you’re new to that…you’ve been crying ever since you came to this world…now…be a good lil’ boy and c’mon…29

Dean: no…leave me alone!30

I tried to look tough, but he looked tougher. Scarier. Rapist. Dangerous. Psycho. He grabbed me by an arm and threw me to bed. After that…I’m to hurt to tell. I think I didn’t live…I think I’m dead. I was dead inside already, now I was outside, too. After he finished. He left, has always. Not saying sorry or looking like he regrets doing it. I was in bed. Crying. Shaking. In pain. He’d kill me. I began to think in all the pain I’m going trough. In all the shame. In all the loveless I’m feeling. Wish there could be somebody I could hug with out hitting me or raping me. Wish that person could tell me “I love you” and mean it. I didn’t even care if it was a he or a she. I just wanted someone to love me. After a while. I went out of my room to get some lunch. My mom and dad were there. Has soon has they saw me, they began to mock me.31

Dean’s mom: (laughs) look! It’s emo kid!32

Dean’s dad: (laughs) yeah! Hey! Why are you still alive?!33

They continued their mocking. I tried to ignore them. I got a sandwich and then I went to my room and left the tears fall. I wanted to kill myself. But something told me that not yet, that it wasn’t my time to go. I paid attention to that feeling. It wasn’t the first time I felt it, but something strong told me to don’t do it.34

To be continue...