Caden [8]

Caden,
you know better
than to try to kill
yourself.
I raised you better than that.
 
We're at the kitchen
table, and mom is
being a bitch,
as usual.
 
She's giving me her
"You know better than that"
speech.
 
You didn't raise me mom.
I raised myself.
 
That's nonsense Caden.
Who changed your diapers
when you were a baby?
Hm?
 
I don't really think that
is what causes a child
to grow up. You've always
been changing my daipers
but sometime, a baby has
got to be potty-trained.
 
Caden, stop being so immature.
What your saying
makes
no
sense.
 
It makes perfect sense.
You treated me
and still treat me
like a kid.
You gave me picture books
till I was ten
mom.
Maybe,
I wanted something with a
half decent storyline
for once.
 
She pauses.
Maybe she's thinking about
what I said. It
seems like she might be.
But then,
she shakes her head.
 
You're being ridiculous.
I am not the reason
you attempted suicide. You
know why you did it,
and so do I.
Kerry.
 
Take that back,
bitch.
           

And then she slapped me
right across my
right cheek.
I smile though
because now,
I know I've broken
through her surface.
 
         Don't you ever,
ever
speak that way to your
mother, you ungrateful
bastard. And I do not
take it back. At the
very least, I've provided a
roof over your head. And
what has Kerry done?
She's caused you to
near kill yourself.
 
It suddenly dawns on me.
My mother,
my own, fucking cunt of a mother
is jealous
of Kerry.
She's jealous,
because Kerry gave me love
where she was incapable.
Again,
I smile.
 
Why are you smiling?
Do you think this is funny?
 
Actually,
yes.1

Well, lets see how funny
a few months of therapy
will be.
It's obvious you
fucking need it,
you little asshole.
And don't even think
about not going,
or you won't be
welcome
back into this house.
 
                      
 

Author notes

As you can see, the pair doesn't really have the nicest relationship. Unfortunately though, some parents are like this with their children, and vice versa. Remember though, that this is a fictional story, so the relationship is as real as any. Thank you.

Next part may be up tomorrow.

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Queen Mab gold member
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    Ack! She is a bitch! The relationship is definitely disturbed. I stand by what I said in my last comment, I really hope the help helps, but seeing Caden as he is, I'm not putting any money down. The emotional display is fantastic. So very real and scary.

    ~Mab


  • Reaver Greeters member
    July 24
    Edit | Reply
    what a terrible relationship and view of one another. 'my own cunt mother' ...wow...I can't imagine...

    Keep writing!


  • Color Splash
    July 23

    Edit | Reply

    *standing ovation*

    I like the relationship they have. It makes sense at a lot of points really. Great job, I can't wait for this book if it comes out on the shelves. You're going to sign it of course. Lol, jk.

  • Bravo. I like that he smiles when they fight about those things, I tend to find myself doing that when I fight with my parents as well. Great job.

    • haha me too, and then they get even more pissed off at me than they were before. It's a very realistic relationship and a believable fight, although I agree with Asfand that maybe portraying their relationship through moments instead of just laying it all out would make it more potent than it already is. Great write, wonder-fricking-tastic story.

  • From the first few I actually thought this was a real story just somewhat way over exaggurated and maybe it is, but nonetheless it's still pretty goddamn brilliant!

  • Wow. This is so marvelous, dear. I just want to take it, fold it into a neat little square and put it in a box so I can carry it around in my pocket all day long and keep it under my pillow at night. It's wonderful. Not just this part, the whole story, but I figured it was best to just leave a pretty little comment on this part rather than leaving nearly identical one's on every part so far. Anyways, this is spiffaliciously supercalifragilisticexpealidocious and I'm looking forward to reading the next part.


  • DeniseC
    July 3
    Edit | Reply
    Oh! Forgot the applaud!

  • DeniseC
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, I don't know what should I say. But after reading all your Cadens, it inspires me many things relate to your chapters. And yeah, as everyone said, I love the format, which is why I finished "Glass" or "Impulse" by Ellen Hopkins. Its interesting that you are following her step to create your "Caden".

    Caden was a nice boy though, even he did something wrong in his past. But later he realized all the bad thing he was doing, and eventually he found his true love who really meant to him - Kerry. I love how you described his love to Kerry and how it led him to attempt suicide in chapter 8. Very creative.

    I can see the personalities of Caden, Eric and Caden's mother in this chapter too. Very good. But I think you could have written more about Eric, like how he met Caden. Cause there were just like four and five paragraphs really described Eric in chapter two, um..but still, its good to know that Eric was probably the only friend who actually care about Caden. So Caden was not alone. I think Eric probably will be the main factor to make Caden feel better and choose not to die.

    And yeah, I love the whole thing, including your chapter 1-7. You have such a talent to write good poetry. And hopefully you can write a book like "Glass" in the future.

    Look forward to see more of it. Keep it up!
    Denise

  • Now I see why their relationship is so strained. She was not a good mother, she plays on the guilt trips and is condeseding to him, although therapy will more than likely be good for him. Very good chapter. I caught up. yay! I think this is very good so far, although it's a little rushed. That will probably be fixed in the edit though. I think you have a wonderful, very life like characer. Thank you for posting.

    -Savannah

  • Ooh, I love how their relationship finally got introduced.


  • Asfand
    July 2
    Edit | Reply
    Nice. Again, very emotion-heavy. The best thing about this story is that it is almost entirely show rather than tell.

    Oh, Caden got bitch-slapped.

    Just be careful not to overexagerrate the fights. I think brevity would be an excellent tool here. Use 'moments' rather than whole scenes to convey the relationship.

    Great!

  • Marta gold member
    July 1
    Edit | Reply
    egdy. good writing.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • Wow. Kevan this is amazing! Adds a new twist which was expected yet not at the same time. Nice job. Keep up the great work!

1 - 14 of 14