Henry:1
I was being followed. I didn’t know who was following me, and I hoped to rid myself of them, one way or another. If it came to it, I would end their life. Up and down the city streets, we chased. Each turn I made, I would look back and see a shadow following me, coursing through the maze of alleys. The twists and turns didn’t seem to faze them. It was almost like they were tracking me, which seemed to be an ironic twist, because normally, it is me who does the tracking. 2
I reached a dead end and turned. I backed up to the wall and crouched; a feral snarl ripped through my throat.3
Whoever was following me entered the alley and stepped into the shadows. They pulled the cloak off of their head and turned to me. They stepped into the light and I saw a beautiful girl, with silver-blonde hair. Her eyes were a shocking green, brilliantly shining in the dim light. Through my rage, I sensed a foreboding in this girl. She was afraid, I realized, and yet she stayed, watching me warily.4
“Why are you following me?” I asked in a choked voice.5
“Because you need me,” she whispered.6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~7
Chapters:8
Henry:9
Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have to be like this. It feels so strange, going through life, never changing, as everyone else around me ages and fades. Sometimes, I think I see the same people being born, leading innocent lives next to my demonic existence. I watch them die and I feel so alone because I just keep going on.10
The only thing the ever changes for me is my emotions.11
Sometimes, I’ll find someone that I feel like I can talk to. They make me forget, for a moment, what I am. But after awhile, I have to let go. I become too attached and humans change too fast anyway.12
I’m so lonely all the time now; every breath I take is like fire in my chest. It’s more than the lust for blood. It’s actual pain.13
It seems that I spend all my time waiting. I have time abounding. 14
Each second feels like a year. Each year, a century. And so it goes.15
Does it bother me that I am a sadistic demon? Yes. Can I change my fate? No.16
The hardest thing about my existence is this unbearable, insatiable thirst. It’s like a battering ram to the defenses of my brain, compelling e to make disturbing and painful choices. Painful for whom though? Certainly not them. The venom is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it causes no pain. Contact creates instant numbing of the victim’s body. A curse because it has made me what I am: a monster.17
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~18
Emily:19
I’ve always been an outcast, but it’s never bothered me. I prefer to do my own thing, go my own way.20
I didn’t intend to follow him; it just happened. I saw him wandering aimlessly, wandering without rhyme or reason, neither here nor there. Yet he was looking for something, his sharp eyes seeing everything but oddly, nothing. I had never seen such an alone individual with such desperation.21
Youth and curiosity got a hold of me. Naïve, I was. Stupid, I wasn’t. Intuition told me not to follow him, that he was dangerous. Instinct froze me where I stood because I sensed that this man was not normal, but I thought, ‘who am I to judge normal?’ While these perceptions told me no, my heart and my mind were saying yes. And so my feet obeyed.22
Something must have told him that I was following him because he started running, running so fast I almost couldn’t catch him. I chased him throughout the city, twisting and turning through streets even I didn’t know existed. He made a wrong turn and ran into an alley with a dead end. 23
He turned on me, a snarl ripping through his body, his cloak fanning out behind him like wings. He crouched close to the ground, coiled to spring, but he didn’t. Instead he choked out, “Why are you following me?”24
I paused, searching for an answer. Part of me wanted to get away from him, but a bigger part of me knew that I would never be able to leave him.25
“Because,” I whispered. “You need me.”26
Comments
-
Epilogue? I believe you mean prologue (prologue is the little part before the story starts- epilogue is the little part after the story ends)
Anyways, this was an interesting start. Still not much there to tell what the plot is going to be but that's okay. I'm sure you'll get through that later. I found it interesting that you chose to do the split Point Of Views between the characters. If you can pull it off, then brownie points. It can be difficult without confusing readers. But I did like how you started this way and it seems like it'll make a good story.
Only suggestion I have-
Paragraph 1: The twists and turns didn’t seem to faze them.
faze= phase
Overall, good job/start. I look forward to seeing where you go with this idea.
-
W-O-W HenryXEmily forever! Awesome! Please message me when you continue, please please please?


-
This is really good! It gave chills as well. You can really write! I love the description and emotional atmosphere in this.
Very nice.



