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When I was a little boy I had to go to school. I didn’t want to go to school. I’d much rather stay at home and play with my toys. But I had parents who made me go to school, so I went to school. 2
At school I was very bored and the teachers didn’t care that I was bored, so I tried to run away from school. The school told my parents and they punished me. They took away my sweets, toys and football. This made me very unhappy. I hated school, the children didn’t like me and it made me unhappy. But I didn’t want to stay in my bedroom with no sweets, toys or football so I went back to school. I looked at the people who made me go back to school and thought to myself ‘I hate you all and I want you to die.’ 3
When I played football I just wanted to play. Sometimes I wasn’t allowed to play. The coach would sit me on the bench. The referee would send me off the field. The children didn’t want me to play with them. I just wanted to play and thought to myself ‘I hate you all and I want you to die.’4
When I was sixteen I began to look at pretty girls. I wanted to kiss them, but they didn’t want to kiss me. I stared at them as they passed me in the streets and I thought to myself ‘I hate you all and I want you to die.’5
I left school at sixteen and began to walk the streets. Nobody talked to me so I went back home to bed. Mum and Dad told me to get a job, but I didn’t want to get a job. I hit Dad in the face and never saw them again. I walked the streets again, but I had nowhere to sleep at night. I looked at the people as they drove past me in their cars. I looked at the people as they kissed in the streets. I looked at the people as they went inside their houses. I slept in a box under a subway and thought to myself ‘I hate you all and I want you to die.’6
One day it was raining and I was hungry, so I asked people for help. They ignored me, so I decided to do something about it. I walked up to a lady with a brick in my hand. I smashed it in her face and I took her purse. It felt good and I wanted to do it again, so I did. I hit people with a pole, a hammer, a bat and my fist. Again, again and again I hit people in the face. One day the Police came for me, they hit me back and threw me into their car. I spat and cursed at them and shouted at them ‘I hate you and I want you to die.’7
Today I am in a little room by myself. They give me food and water if I behave myself. I don’t see anybody now. All the people have left me here on my own. I rock up and down as I dig my nails into my arm. I don’t like my new room and I repeat to myself ‘I hate myself and I want to die. I hate myself and I want to die. I hate myself and I want to die.’8
Author notes
A competition entry inspired by the need for a healthy respect for authority.
A contest entry
- Let's Get Personal 2 by angellove.
285 points, ended August 1, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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this is my absolute favourite, so far, of your work. i dont have any words to describe what i want to say... the ending is by far my most favourite in the story.
I dont think you should change anything. it sounds better like this.. sometimes a fault in an artwork can be what catches the observers eye, it can be the beauty.
beginning: 4, language: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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Very interesting
I can see where your inspiration comes from. Having been in the military, I know that not every authority figure is suited to that position. In other words, once one authority figure fails in his or her leadership over someone, that person who feels slighted will continue to spiral down the road of rebellion. That first bite of a dictator type authority can lead some people down the road of self-destruction, like in this story. You go a bit over the top with this, but I get your point. Thanks for entering the contest.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Good job! I really like the way it was written, especially the repitition
Excellent!
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I like this one, and how you repeat the same thing over and over, then twists it slightly in the end =) It's well written from the point of your disturbed character, yet it never gets unrealistic. So yeah, well done =)
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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Very very good in fact excellent.
I really liked this, I found the repitition intensified the the ending. Excellent pace, i may have read a winner.
Best of luck.
Dave
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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"inspired by the need for a healthy respect for authority"
Man I love your sense of humor -
Sometimes, I wish I could be deep and profound. This is one of those times. Unfortunately, all I can really say is that I very much enjoyed reading this story of yours.
I am quite familiar with -- and fascinated by -- people like the unfortunate main character. Call it morbid curiosity, I guess. :}
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Realistic
I loved it. It was realistic because some people really do this and really feel that way.I loved the way it was written.
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Wow, i really have no words to describe what i think of this story. It was wonderfully written and so very realistic.
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A Very powerful story, it represents people in the situation well. So many people in the world carry so much anger and hate with them, but they don't do anything about it.
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A very sad situation. This sort of anger is very common, and is all a reaction to simple little acts of authority that everyone goes through. The idea that it could go to these extremes is disturbing, but I wouldn't be surprised to see it happen.
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It's hard to believe there are people out there like that. This was a moral story but I don't know if it was about a need for a healthy respect for authority. Not a very uplifting story is it? My bad obviously.
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very interesting story
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Great story. There are so many people just like the one you described. Ful of anger, but they don't do enything to change it. It's odd being in their minds. We can see them in the streets, and even around us. But somehow, we close our eyes before them. And they hate us for that.
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Wow a very moving story
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Nice
I liked the story! Pretty entertaining. -
Pretty good story!
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Quite a nice little story. Sadly, I know someone very close to me who has been though that and worse. I do like your story a lot. Fantastic work
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Interesting :P
I liked in the end, how he kind of realized it was his own fault, after he had no one else to blame, so he finally blamed himself.
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Fortunately, I've learnt to channel my hate in the right direction. Your character should try my method too.
He sounded quite the nerd, to be honest. I can't feel sympathetic for him, because he's as stupid as the rest of them. He's as ignorant as they are, and as angsty and jealous as they are.There's nothing unique about him. I can't feel anything for him because he's just like any other whiny person you see on the street.
I like all your works, but this one didn't connect with me. -
lol i like this story very nice one. (:
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I loved this story. It's great at the end how now that he has no-one, he wants to die himself. It's good how you did that.
At some point we have all thought 'I hate you all and I want you to die'.
Good writing and well done.
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This is a great story, talking about today's society and the crap that it is. I can really understand where the main character is coming from... I think we have all thought "I hate you all and I want you to die" at some point for whatever reason. Overall, this was a great story about the broken society we live in today, where true equality can never be possible.
Great job.
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haha, really funny. good job
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My first reaction to this: I laughed. Don't know why but it struck me as insanely funny. Guess I'm just weird like that because I doubt this was a comedy. Loved the desriptions, sounds like a kid mentally trapped as a misrable 6yr old then 16 yr old. Gotta say I loved it though!!! Another piece of art!!!!
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Wow, that is a wonderful story with real meaning. It expresses an origional idea, and gets inside the head of someone very complicated to understand, someone who has anger mangament problems and never got the help he needed. I liked the way it traveled through his life, and showed how his behavior steadily got worse and worse. Thank you for posting it, I really enjoyed this story.
-Savannah
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Great Write
Love the expressions, the way u described it! Its really nice..
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I was prepared to hate this
when I read the name, but curiosity got the better of me. I know what weird pieces you write. This one was brilliant. This explains the way most young people seem to veiw life today. That is why all our prisions are so overcrowded. They grow up expecting everything without wanting to earn anything.
Great thought in this piece.
Trish
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Very good story, I like how it started all because of the boy's disinterest in school, and the reccuring phrase, too
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I loved this story! Yeah, I knew what it felt like to be him because you described him very well. Poor kid...
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He's so powerless against his enemies. First his parents and the school, then the people around him, then the police, then himself.Spiralling down and nowhere to go. Nice job
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There is so much going on in this story that it's hard to know what to say. I almost feel sorry for the boy that wants to be loved and have what other people have, yet I want to shake the stuffing out of him at the same time because he won't even try to make something of himself. He's selfish.
A Great write!!
Th.
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If the repetitiveness is intentional, it definitely grabs your attention. I wish you luck in the contest. It's well done (a few punctuation mistakes and the whole 'starting sentences with 'But' that I'd probably fix but otherwise very well done.) Good luck!
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Thanks Token. The repetitiveness and simple structure was meant to portray the one tracked mind of an angry, uneducated man. All he knows is people annoying him. Unable to articulate himself he ends up striking out at the world that he cannot become a part of. I had to make it simple, as a more articulate piece wouldn't portray the character's true inner turmoil and confusion in a realistic way.
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You accomplished this very well. It's a thought provoking piece. You got your point across well. Good work
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I loved this story! It was like being in the mind of a mental person.
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Thanks for the comment Shadow. I'm glad you thought it was like an insight into a deranged mind as this is what I was trying to do here. I had to rewrite it a few times to simplify the language. I had to make the language reflect the mindset of the man, so all my usual word play had to be deleted.
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Awesome!
The change of the last sentence from 'you' to 'myself' was very classy...In a mental sort of way. I guess some people are just sometimes born with that sort of hate that eventually consumes them. Terrible how that is the case sometimes.
Great story though
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Thanks Cranberry. I had to get into a really weird mindset for this one. It's strange how writing from the POV of a deranged character makes you feel almost guilty about it.
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Very repetitive, but it gives it a sort of rhythm, and I like that. Great job.
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This was very cool.The whole story is classic Rorshach.I mostly liked the end where you changed the sentence and made it:
I hate MYSELF and I want to die.
GREAT JOB.
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cool story
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