Things that just piss me off

I've been broding about a lot of shit for a while and this feels like just the thing I needed. Thank you for letting me bitch and moan, I appreciate it.1

So, every year for twelve years I've had summer break. Every year for the past twelve years I've been bored out of my fucking mind. I hate the summer. For one, it's too damn hot out. I like the cold. I could literally go out into a blizzard in shorts and be more comfortable than I would be naked, or mostly naked, in the middle of summer. No matter how cold it is, you can do plenty of things to heat yourself: make a fire, drink tea or something else hot, put on more clothes, rub against other people for warmth, whatever. In heat you are completely helpless. There is only so much a person can take off before they can't get rid of anything else. Air conditioning is expensive and fans have never done much of anything for me. All I do is lie around and sweat and stick to the furniture.2

That's another thing, all I ever do is lie around. There's never anything to do in the summer. Some people have rich fulfilling lives, a job, friends, productive hobbies, sports, activities; I've got pretty much none of that. My job sucks ass, I do no sports, I've recently begun to hate everyone I know (I will get back to that later), I have nothing productive or worth doing, and I have no where to go. Every day I practically pray that something will come around and just put me into a fucking coma so I can just sleep this shit off and wake up all grown up, be allowed to get a job somewhere because I'm not as limited by my age but still limited by my experience (or rather lack there of.)3

I can't get any work anywhere it seems. I don't know if my paranoid dad's claims are true that the regular employee's are just throwing the applications I submit into the trash the second I leave but I firmly believe online applications are total bullshit. If they actually check those, I'll be shocked. I've filled out over a dozen applications online to tons of places where I should have been hired for something. I've never recieved word back from a single place ever. I don't blame illegal immigrants for taking a job from a kid like me, I blame the stupid cock suckers who probably aren't even really looking at the applications except for the part about experience and references and past crimes committed.4

so, going back to fucking regular people I've fucking given up that I had breifly mentioned. My supposed "best friend" who I have known for over five years and been, at least I thought, very tight with has completely abandoned me and left me in the dark to rot. There were two major occurences where I realized this. The first, a party he threw. He had been wanting to throw a party at his place all year and was just waiting for a weekend where his family would go out of town and leave him. His chance came a month or so ago. He threw a huge bash and invited everyone. Did I say everyone? sorry, I meant to say almost everyone. I, one of his best friends, was left completely out of the loop and was not invited or even thought of. I found out about the party on Monday at school when my "best friend" came into school with the news that someone had snuck into his sisters room and stolen almost $80. He had to borrow money from everyone he knew who was at the party that he didn't already owe money to. I passed this off as nothing at first. I don't drink, smoke, and I'm a massive introvert so I thought that maybe he thought I wouldn't really enjoy the crowd and atmosphere of the place. Then, things took a turn.5

I just graduated from high school last week. As many of you may or may not know, there is a general tradition called senior week. It's basically where the graduating class throws parties and everyone gets a house, usually at the shore for where I live, and goes off somewhere. I had heard no plans from anyone I knew regarding plans about senior week so I thought that they weren't doing anything special for it.6

The day after graduation however, my "friend" has a graduation party at his house. This time, he see's fit to let me know about it and asks me to come. I get there and everything is fine for a couple hours but then, I hear my "friend" talking to our other friend and he said "if you want to stay at my shore house this week for free...." and the rest doesn't matter. I gathered over the course of the next hour from snippets of conversation that not only did my "friend" actually get a house at the beach for senior week, but he's invited almost a dozen people and there's going to be a bunch of others he knows staying in the area around where he is. My "friends" dad comes up to us later and we're all talking to him and he asks if I'm going up to the shore with the others or not. Before I have any chance to respond, my "friend" says that I was busy this week and couldn't make it. I managed to not scream out in anger and punch him in the face right in front of everyone but I really liked the idea of doing it. Not only did he not invite me at all, but he's lying to his parents about and lying to my face about having told me and putting words in my mouth that are the biggest loads of bullshit I've ever heard. I got the fuck out of there soon after. 7

My "friend" left for the shore two days after the party and stayed there for four days. Over the course of those four days, I did absolutely nothing what so ever. I didn't have work, I couldn't call any of the people I knew because they were all either out for senior week or with their best friends all week. I had been abandoned by everyone I knew in record time and was left completely alone. Now there are lots of people i know who still consider me their friends and I still consider them my friend but those people, I'm not close to any of them. None of them are people I would call to ask to hang out and they feel the same way inside. So am I hated by everyone I know and vice versa? No. Am I still completely isolated and loathe pretty much everything about life? Yes.