Bus Stop1
As usual the bus was running late …or else she’d just missed it ….again. She glanced around, noting that there was no one else waiting or arriving. Damn, she thought to herself. She hated waiting alone so late at night. With each gust of the light wind, which was just beginning to pick up, the movement of the trees seemed like someone moving in the shadows.2
She laid her small parcel on the bus stop bench, some food from the little roadside diner where she worked, a salad and sandwich to eat after she got home. The Quick Bite had been especially busy tonight and she hadn’t even had a chance to eat. She’d made better than usual tips, though, so hadn’t minded not getting a dinner break. 3
What she had minded was the way one of the customers had stared at her, smiling one of those, ‘you look so sexy, I want to fuck you,’ smiles. She’d had lots of those, but tonight seemed different, creepy, and she was relieved when he finally left, about forty-five minutes before her shift ended.4
Now it was a waiting game for the bus. One never knew for sure just when it might show up. Not knowing if it was late or if she’d missed it, she didn’t dare go back to the diner to wait. It was already nearly midnight, the last bus was scheduled at 12:27. Missing it would mean spending $12.00 on a taxi, and she’d have to walk the nearly quarter mile back to the diner to make the call.5
As she was looking down the street trying to catch a glimpse of the bus, she noticed a man walking towards her….well, towards the bus stop, anyway. He walked with a limp, rather slowly. 6
She looked around, the little thicket of bushes a few yards from the bus stop seemed to be hiding something, clustered together as though they had a secret. On each side of the bushes were trees at various intervals then more bushes perhaps thirty or forty feet away on each direction along the dirt pathway. The wind was blowing harder now and the trees swayed in unison, the bushes moving crazily as if trying to get away from each other, then trying to grab each other…..a game they were playing. They frightened her, made her think scary thoughts and at the same time she wanted to hide in them until the bus arrived.7
As the man approached the bus stop, she recognized him as the man from the diner who had given her the lewd suggestive looks. Funny, she hadn’t noticed a limp when he left the diner. Oh, shit, I hope he keeps going, she thought to herself. She looked nervously at her watch, then hopefully down the road again. She felt a chill, a decidedly frightening shiver ran down her spine as the man came closer. 8
Should she leave, walk back to the diner? It was nearly a quarter mile away, and a lonely darkened street. There were few houses out this way, only three between the bus stop and the diner. Then she saw headlights coming towards her, thinking it was probably the bus, she decided to stay. 9
The man was close now, only a few feet from the bus stop. Hurry up, she spoke silently to the approaching headlights. But as they drew closer, she realized it wasn’t the bus after all, just a large truck which sped on past. 10
The man from the diner sat down, smiled like the cat who swallowed the canary, and began talking to her, softly, barely above a whisper. 11
“Hello, again, Patty”. How did he know her name, she had barely spoken to him as she took his order in the diner. She hadn’t even served him because she was busy serving another order and Samantha had volunteered to do it. Maybe he had asked Samantha what my name is, she thought. A common thing, asking a waitress’ name. 12
As he continued speaking she tried to ignore him but he persisted. “It’s not such a good idea being out here all alone this late at night. You’re lucky I came along to keep you company. Bad things can happen to a pretty young thing like yourself, Patty.” She still did not respond, just kept looking down the road, praying for the bus to arrive.13
It was nearly 1:00 AM before the bus finally arrived, slowing as it neared the bus stop. The driver, seeing no one waiting, sped on without stopping.14
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The next morning Lila Hendricks nervously pulled her cell phone from her purse and dialed 911. “Police Emergency” came the dispatcher’s voice over the phone, “what is your emergency?” 16
“Th..there’s a..a b..body”, came the near hysterical reply, “I think she’s dead, oh God, I…I think someone ki..killed her!!”17
The evening news announced the body of a young woman, found that morning at a bus stop on Shandley Road just outside the city limits, had been identified as Patricia Feldman, age 22, last seen alive late last night as she left her job at the Quick Bite Diner on Shandley Road. She had been raped, beaten and strangled. 18
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In the months that followed, in towns and cities across the country, twenty three bodies, all young women, all waitresses, all working the late shifts, were found murdered, their bodies beaten almost beyond recognition, all strangled, all raped... and all found near isolated city bus stops. 20
A connection between the murders? Perhaps. The killer or killers have never been identified.21
By Dee Garner22
August 17, 200523
© 2005
Author notes
Fiction?????.....maybe.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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excellent~
This read like one of the books I am used to reading
Would love to see a Part 2 to this one
Excellent.and a edge of the seat gripping tale
Love this sis
Whhoo you go
Hugs
Susan~~~~
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Excellent!
Your story really got to me. It's a brilliant write. I loved the fact that it wasn't packed full of needless emotion. The story itself was enough. It reveals the truth and the fear that we all experience at some time or another. My heart goes out to anyone whose lives have been tainted by such awful events like these. I am sure there many stories to be told.
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Wow,that story had shivers running down my spine!Though I am safe in my house, I feel myself looking in back of me as if someone were there.Excellent story,held me there glued to my seat.
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Unbelievable!
An excellent story! also pretty scary, but I like scary!
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This is an amazing story, it has wonderful flow, I wish I could write like this :[
I like how you add her little things of though without having any speach, "Maybe he had asked Samantha what my name is, she thought. A common thing, asking a waitress’ name."
Like that, it really adds an air to the story, sometime your gunna teach me to write like you ;D -
chilling
not my usual reading, often cheap, predictable thrills, but this one really got to me. i think its the simple details of her logic and thoughts
"Now it was a waiting game for the bus. One never knew for sure just when it might show up. Not knowing if it was late or if she’d missed it, she didn’t dare go back to the diner to wait. It was already nearly midnight, the last bus was scheduled at 12:27. Missing it would mean spending $12.00 on a taxi, and she’d have to walk the nearly quarter mile back to the diner to make the call."
that indecision, being caught between in the "waiting game"... can completely follow her straight into the claws of death. i just found her character and situation vivid, believable, and common, mirroring many of the thoughts and deliberation i've had, which made what happened so much more terrifying. knew what was coming and yet it could be anyone, anyplace. and the irony of
"It was nearly 1:00 AM before the bus finally arrived, slowing as it neared the bus stop. The driver, seeing no one waiting, sped on without stopping."
for me, the shift in character, the few stuttering sentences into the phone, and then the shift again to the detatched factual tone were jolting and far less credible and effective. the stuff about the series of murders and no connection among them just didn't ring true for me and "The killer or killers have never been identified" seemed like a cheap shot at terror. maybe just a factual sentence or two to close it off. "The evening news announced the body of a young woman, found that morning at a bus stop on Shandley Road just outside the city limits, had been identified as Patricia Feldman, age 22, last seen alive late last night as she left her job at the Quick Bite Diner on Shandley Road. She had been raped, beaten and strangled." and leave it at that, let the strength of Patricia's story and the eeriness of its ordinariness speak for itself. in any case, marvelous stab at horror! -
Dee,
What a dark and scary story this is! I think every woman has a fear of things like this.
I kept expecting the bus to pull up right at the last second and save her. I guess this
time Patty wasnt so lucky, eh?
Sarah -
What scared me is the fact, that my mother's name is Patricia, and she takes the bus often!
Why did you have to scare me?? oh wow, now I'm scared.
All in all, it was a short, great read. -
omfg, one of my parent's name is Dee *choke* Scary.
Anyway... sorry, I keep having this envisionment that I did. I forgot to say no rape... but i thought I did... -
Sorry about the no "Penguins Eat Cats" ... I had originally put penguins eat cookies but decided to change it... then I guess I forgot to replace it with the other one....
I was just now re-reading the contest criteria, though and I don't see any place where it says no rape...although my story is actually a murder mystery, and rape is only mentioned as part of the crime, with no details of the rape itself and no erotica.
But no matter, your choices for trophy winners are all very good choices. I think the winning stories are great and I can see why they are winners
You ran a good contest and I enjoyed being a part of it. Maybe you'll have another one soon?
Dee
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There is no "Penguins Eat Cats"... that I don't mind. But I asked for NO RAPE.... Sorry.
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Dee, this is a marvelous write, just begging for more..you have a knack for drawing us in and allowing us to touch briefly upon your mind ...it is always a pleasure to read your work... freda
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.. I am absolutely speechless. This type of thing happens every day, and I love how you put it into a story. Awesome.
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wow. very raw and real and interesting. Its so suspenseful, and although you only know the characters for a short time, you start to root for the right people. I also loved the fact that you put question marks after fiction. it made this mysterious and even better.
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I totally agree with your suggestion of having a divider between the bus passing and the next morning phone call. I had considered doing that to begin with, tried it both ways, then forgot about it.... I'm glad you think it's a good idea, too... at least now I have another opinion
Thank you so much for reading this and your input on it, Leanna.
Luv ya lots
Grandma
Edited on Sep 28, 5:22 p.m. because ''. -
Well, this certainly isn't something you usally write but its good. I like to see you exand your writings. I think the most frightening thing about this story is that it can happen or should I say that it probbally does.
I have one suggestion, between the paragraphs of the bus arriving and the phone call there should be some sort of divider. I had to take a second look in order to understand. Though, that may just be me.
take care,
Anna -
horribly well written
now you made me not want to ever go to a bus stop
no but really this story is just...so tragic...is there a happy ending? did they find the guy? argh i wnat justice. little moron. good write i like it.
anna
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Perfect~
Oh this is certainly different than what you usually write sis
And I loved it...maybe cuz I read these types of novels but in the books they always catch the killer at the end.....this happens all too often.....in our real life.....I loved the imagery and the real life you have you portrayed in this
This was excellent and I enjoyed it a lot.....will catch up soon they put me on a chemo pill and its made me sick..so will catch up when time allows I did post a new one today hope you drop by to give it a read
Hope all is going well with ya sis
I love ya
Your sis
Susan~~~
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Very Good
Such a very dark write...This is really the beginning of a murder-mystery. There are so many out there, But so many enjoy them...There's a good reason why yours could be one of them. And it kinda reminds me of one of those scary ghost stories that you tell the kids at summer camp around the camp fire. -
Sad...
omg what a touching story. It was totally beautiful...I feel so sad now...such a sad story :'(
Luv Lou x
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