As the morning sunshine began to color the sky and the smell of strawberry pancakes filled the air, eight year old Tommy slowly opened his eyes.1
“Oh, Yeah! He shouted and quickly sat up in bed. “I’m at Grandpa’s house!”2
With a flash Tommy was out of bed and dressed. Grabbing his pack the excited boy ran from the room toward the smell of the yummy pancakes.3
“Good morning my Little One,” Grandma smiled. “Are you going to help me in the garden today?” 4
“Oh no Grandma! Don’t you remember, today Grandpa and I are going on our adventure. Will that make you sad?” Tommy asked, suddenly getting such a serious look on his face. So much so that it caused Grandma to laugh. “That’s right. Well you had better hurry with those pancakes; Grandpa has already eaten and is waiting for you on the porch. 5
Pancakes quickly disappeared into Tommy’s mouth and he was soon kissing his grandma good-bye and running to the porch where his Grandpa was waiting patiently on the swing.6
“Why are you in such a hurry? Grandpa asked with a sly smile.7
“Stop teasing,” Tommy giggled as Grandpa swallowed him up in a great big bear hug.8
“Are you ready for our treasure hunt today?” Grandpa asked once he had sat Tommy back down again.9
“Yes,” Tommy shouted barely containing his excitement. “I even brought my treasure bag in case I find something good.” Tommy held it up proudly for his grandpa to see.10
“Where are we going today?”11
“To the pond,” Grandpa commanded, raising his arm to the air.12
Though one couldn’t think it was possible, Tommy’s smile grew even wider. The pond was his most favorite place to be in the whole world.13
Even before the two adventures had reached the pond they were greeted with the distant sounds of the spotted green bullfrogs. At the pond Grandpa began getting settled into his day of fishing. Tommy walked as if he was a pioneer on a grand adventure. He began to explore the far reaches of the pond. All the while hunting for treasures along the way.14
Walking around the pond he could hear the bull frogs sing their noisy songs, warning one another of his coming. He could hear the ribbit-ribbit, croak- croak as they hopped, hopped, hopped from their hiding places making a gentle kersplash into the pond, causing the water to make tiny little ripples that probably seemed like waves to the little creatures.15
Tommy watched as the green frogs rested safely on the lily pads, basking in the summer sun. Waiting patiently for yum, yum, yummy bugs to fly by, so that they could catch them with their long sticky tongues.16
An old hollow tree stretched out into the middle of the pond where lazy turtles laid, taking their naps. Holding his breath Tommy watched as one slipped quietly into the water to dive down, down, down, to the bottom of the pond were it would eat the nice leafy plants that grew in the soft soil.17
As the turtle tears a piece of the tender leaf off, a water bug skitters from its hiding place and swims to the surface to skate ever so lightly across the pond.18
Soon a fluttering dragonfly grabs Tommy’s attention and off he goes.19
Buzz, Buzz, Buzz, he became one with the dragonfly going from cattail to cattail pretending he was chasing after his supper.20
Once the sun was high in the sky, Tommy felt a rumbling in his stomach. Going to where his Grandpa was fishing they both decided upon a picnic lunch and the best location, the sandy part of the beach.21
Bellies full of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches the two took off their shoes and socks and waded in the shallow part of the water.22
As they cooled their feet, they collected little pebbles that glistened through the water and giggled as the tiny minnows tickled their toes.23
Under a shiny smooth stone Tommy found a white snail, its shell smooth and its body slimy. Tommy kept his hand very still in hopes that the snail would get braver and peak its head out of the little home on its back.24
To Tommy’s amazement the snail started to investigate the new surrounding by first sticking out a long antenna then feeling that it was safe the rest of the slimy body slipped out of its shell.25
When Tommy was finished watching the curious snail he gently places it back where it had been. He wanted the snail to remain safe.26
There are many, many more things to see in the pond, but the sun is beginning to turn the sky into a purplish pink, a sign for the two adventures to start their journey home.27
Tommy was happy as he carried a bag filled with the many treasures that was found.28
Peaking into his bag as they walked, he examined all the things that he had found; a feather from one of the birds that also lived around the pond, a few shinny pebbles, which Grandpa had picked especially for him. There was also a piece of wood that resembled one of the turtles they had seen. A project for him to paint on a rainy day.29
Tommy had also gathered a few of the colorful flowers that filled the meadow surrounding the pond. ‘I can press these into a book,’ he thought to himself.30
Looking back he watched as the cattails were swaying in the evening breeze as if to say good-bye.31
Feeling extremely lucky today, Tommy could not wait to place the empty snail shell that he had found in an honored place on his dresser.32
As they turned away from the pond and slowly walked back to Grandpa’s house, Tommy stops and waves goodnight to all his friends and cherishes the thought of the next time he will visit Grandpa’s pond. All the while wondering what other adventures he would find there.33
Taking grandpa’s hand, Tommy knows that he had the most important treasure of all right beside him, love.34
The evening birds start to sing their lovely songs serenading the two explorers all the way home. 35
Author notes
Hope this makes you smile. 
I wrote it for little kids.. but aren't we all one at heart?
I always loved visiting my Grandpa's place. Kids, family and nature always makes me smile.. I'm not sure if this is what you wanted.. but I hope you enjoy. 
A contest entry
- You can fly, you can fly... You can fly! by tonialoise.
175 points, ended July 12, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Children's Stories by Adele Ellen Bakker.
300 points, ended July 30, 33 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Family Stories--Big Points! by JJBanReo.
1800 points, ended August 1, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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p2 you need a " after 'Yeah!' which needs a little 'y'
p5 you havn't ended the " for Grandma.
p6 ok, I think you just need to go through the whole story and check your "'s
you don't need a capital for 'Buzz' all three times as you have commas there not fullstops
'.with the many treasures that were found.' not was.
short and sweet, loved it great descriptions and I loved the style that you wrot it in
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beautiful story. Great descripstions i can see everything vivdly in my head. I hope you plan to get your works published one day.
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This was a very pleasant story but I was distracted by the passive voice and changes from past tense to present. I think you were trying to take pleasant memories and create a story for children. Unfortunately, most kids would rather read about eating snails than playing with the slimy buggers. This story did make me miss my Grandpa's pond in Vermont.
JJ
beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 1, ending: 2, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Thankyou so much for reading. I'm editing another story at the moment, but as soon as I finish I will be back to change the things you mentioned, changing from active to passive and the tenses.
I was trying to make it entertaining as well as a bit educational about the things at the pond... so no eating the snails. but I agree kids like to read about those things... Have you ever read how to eat fried worms... Ohhh.Yuck
Thanks again for constuctive comments they are appreciated.
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Awwwwwwww this is really cute. I love nature. I can see my brother doing this with our grandpa. This was a great little story for kids. Awesome job. you write childrens stuff really well.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Very Nice. (Peaking=Peeking)A good story well written.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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An enjoyable read. You capture the scene of the pond well and it is easy to picture Grnadpa and Tommy enjoying their day. There are a couple of spelling errors 'adventures' should be 'adventurers' and you switch tense a couple of times, which jars a little. Overall a pleasant story.
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A beautiful story for children and adults alike
I did find some small issues but they really didn't effect the enjoyment of the story.
p4 "Good morning my Little One," One thing I learned recently, so it's popping out at me, is that a comma is placed before a direct address. So the above would be "Good morning, my Little One," or in p5 “Oh no, Grandma!"
p5 You don't seem to do this anywhere else so it's probably just a typo but... it's helpful to the reader if you have separate paragraphs for separate speakers as it's not so confusing about who's speaking that way. I was clear into the second sentence of Grandma's speech before I realized it was her talking.
"you on the porch." missing the closing " here.
p7 "in such a hurry? Grandpa asked" again missing the "
p17 "lazy turtles laid," nice alliteration
p26 "he gently places it back" this should be "placed" to keep the correct tense.
p27 "sun is beginning" should be "was" to keep the correct tense.
p28 "Tommy stops" "and cherishes the thought " should be "stopped" and cherished." hmmm... didn't notice so many tense changes at the beginning, wondering if you wrote it in one tense then decided to change it later and missed them. I do that sometimes.
So really I found this to be quite a sweet story. I could really feel Tommy's excitement and energy. It kind of made me feel like a kid again.
You had some wonderful scenes with great depictions of the animals, I think in my mind this pond was really so much bigger than it really was, but isn't that how we see things as children? Great job!
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Thank you soo much for reading and throughly commenting on my story. I definatly have grammer issues to fix. I just hope it brought a smile to your face..
Thanks
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Yep, it did. Thanks.
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update your A/N...just warning you before the contest holder catches you!
It's a sweet story, and it suits the happy theme of the contest.
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Thanks for the heads up. I fixed the story and forgot to check the A/N.
Thanks for catching the typo's.
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