I am Hereby Cancelling Your Contract

I'm so sorry Jeff. But I can't have you working here, at the supermarket Boof-Brains any longer. You are just not professional. Here are my reasons for you being fired:1

1. You set all the alarm clocks to go off in 10-minute intervals2

2. You got on the loud speaker and declared a “Going Out of Business Sale, All Items 99% Off”3

3. You darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from ‘Mission Impossible’.4

4. You moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.5

5. You sat down and relaxed on the patio furniture in work time6

6. You set up a tent in the camping department7

7. You looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror and picked your nose.8

8. You took pictures of absolutely everything during work time9

9. You pretended to be a customer and when a clerk(Bertrand) asked if they could help you, you began to cry and asked, "Why can’t you people just leave me alone?"10

10. You hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, you said “PICK ME! PICK ME!”11

11. You saw what you can “catch” by casting fishing poles into different isles.12

12. You played football and saw how many people you could get to join in.13

13. You played soccer using the whole store as your field14

14. You tried on bras over your clothes in the middle of the store.15

15. You tried to get people to race you across the store16

16. You sat on the floor and watched T.V. in the electronics department.17

17. When people asked you for something you pretended to speak a different language and see how many weird looks you got18

18. You super-glued quarters to the floor and counted how many people try to pick them up19

19. You switched all the radios to strange stations suck as polka or Mexican rap and turned the volume all the way up. You also put those strange stations over the loudspeaker.20

20. You filled up carts and just left them around the store.21

21. You draped a blanket around your shoulders and pretend to be superman.22

22. You walked up to random strangers and said “I haven’t seen you in so long!” and things like that.23

23. You tested brushes and combs24

24. You took up an entire toy aisle with a G.I. Joe vs. Rescue Heroes battle of epic proportions, and took bets on the battle.25

25. You had sword fights with tubes of wrapping paper.26

26. You followed people.27

27. You played with the price scanners.28

28. You sprayed air-freshener everywhere.29

29. You played with the automatic doors.30

30. You made a pillow fort.31

31. You had shopping cart races.32

32. You crawled into gym bags and laundry hampers.33

33. When someone stepped away from their cart to look at something, you quickly made off with it without saying a word.34

34. You were seen running around the store screaming Boof-Brains sucks, Boof-Brains sucks let’s go to target!35

35. You bought a candy-bar. You ate it. You got back in line.You bought another candy bar. You ate it. You got back in line. You did this for about 15 minutes.36

36. You dragged a lounge chair on display over to the magazines, relaxed and bought a soft drink; explained that you don’t get out much, and asked if they can put a little umbrella in it.37

37. You split clear soap down an aisle.38

38. You talked to the lady at the cash register for a whole 20 minutes about unicorns.39

39. When an announcement came over the loud speaker, you assumed the fetal position and screamed, ”NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”40

40. You pretended to be a monkey and got on all fours screaming “Oo-oo-aaa-aa!” and attacked whoever buys bananas.41

41. You created a fort out of laundry powder boxes, used the saucepans and other cooking equipment as shields and armor, and you threw fruit and blew nuts out of straws at people to attack them.42

Here are just 41 of 1000 things you have done. Your behavior at Boof-Brains is unacceptable and I hereby cancel your contract immediately. Do not bother coming to work ever again. Do not come to shop here ever again.43

Yours Sincerely44

Angie Marianna Brinley