Ramblings of a Zealous Girl - The Unrequited Crush

Friday, May 29, 2009—bored in Geometry1

When I see you in the hall, I swear my heart stops. Even if you don’t see me, even if you don’t take the time to do something as little as say hi, I feel this enormous rush of something in my chest. I don’t even know what it is; I just can’t breathe, can barely talk, can’t think about anything but you standing two yards away from me. I try not to look at you, but it’s so effing hard! My eyes jet from you to whoever I’m talking to, or to find somebody to walk with so I don’t look like a friendless loser in front of you. Then, when I know that you’ve passed me and there’s no chance at seeing you again, I realize that my heart has nearly doubled in speed.2

But that’s nothing compared to when we’re talking. I feel like I’m on top of the world—like I’m in a daydream and none of this is real, but I don’t want it to stop. I feel like I constantly have to prove myself to you, even if you’re already laughing at a joke I just made. It’s hard, but I manage.3

Then, when some other person steals your attention, I get ridiculously jealous. You can’t tell directly, but it’s like my whole temperament suddenly switches from sunny yellow and floating to icy cold and sinking fast. It doesn’t even have to be a girl—if one of your friends starts talking to you and you completely forget that I’m there, I wanna scream, “Why do you care about some gay guy more than you care about me? Listen to me, you dick!” But I don’t, because I have to appear cool no matter what. If a girl takes command of your stage, I instantly think, “I hate her.” I despise girls that are closer to you than I am. But instead of ripping her hair out, I give both of you the not-quite-cold-but-still-slightly-chilly shoulder, because that’s so much easier than wearing my heart on my sleeve.4

But you still don’t have a clue, do you? You still ignore me in the hall, I’m still the one that has to say hi first in class, and your friends still matter more to you than I do. Sometimes I go for a whole week without saying anything to you—and it’s the worst week of my life. It’s those weeks that I binge like a fat man on Thanksgiving, and then feel even worse than before. Then there are those special days when I actually talk to you. On those days, I feel so happy that I eat like a fat man on Christmas—but for some odd reason, it’s the happy days that I don’t feel any after-effect from the food. Then on those days where we have a weak little conversation that you probably forget about fifteen seconds after it ends, I feel half-empty, like something was missing that day.5

Today is one of those days, and I know you will never read this, but I had to get it off my chest. It’s not good to keep these things inside the way I do, you know? Sometimes I wish I could just risk it all and tell you how I obsess over you, but that’s not the kind of person I am. I’m gonna keep this as a way to remember you and what you do to me until we see each other again. No matter how long that’ll be… Then, when our paths cross again, you and I will look at each other and something will happen. I don’t know if this whole love thing will happen all over again or if I’ll see you in a new way and wonder how I could ever adore you the way I did. Who knows? Maybe when you see me again, you’ll be the one whose heart stops, and I’ll be the one that walks by without feeling a thing…6

Author notes

Young Romance

Prompt: You and Me

In a list

A contest entry

This is actually one of a series of journal entries compiled into a novel I wrote last year. Would you be interested in more?

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • CheshireCat
    October 18

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    To me, this isn't on the dot what love is. But then again, I might not be in love! That's why I don't really like love stories, I can't relate to them. I don't love anyone more than my family, friends, and cats. Ugh. Anyway, I agree, I don't like it when attention is stolen from me, and sometimes I eat when I'm upset. *Pops mike n ike in mouth*. Pretty good read.


  • davelolione gold member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply

    Well captured

    A cracking little story and a great read. I found myself back at school and thinking of the crushes I had and could not or would not have the gus to tell. It was full of those little observations that most of forget about, but you have managed to put them down here. I think that this is what makes this so good.

    regards

    Dave

  • writeheart
    September 19

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    Aw, what a cute story! I know that when I've had a crush who won't even notice me, I've written lots of rambles on my own. Your piece is so expressive that I feel I can relate to it in many ways. I just love the last paragraph where you consider the future and how things might change.
    As good as your story was, unfortunately, your story doesn't really fit the theme of my contest. I was looking for more along the lines of a love story, whereas your piece is rather a ramble. Although your story doesn't quite fit my contest, I'm glad that you entered this in my contest. Thanks and good luck!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 1, ending: 4, dialog: 1, characters: 3.


  • CloakedAssassin
    August 22

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    Well, that was an extraordinary piece of work. Everybody alive knows what it feels like to have a helpless crush. Therefore you have an already large audience who can relate to this. Secondly, this seems to me like you're writing from truth... from the heart. I also know this is quite hard to do because part of you would be like "What if he reads this" where as other parts are like "Why wont you read this!?" The way this is written is superb. It keeps the reader gripped, very few awkward sentences, and only one spelling mistake (i have picked up on) which is on the fourth paragraph. (ridiculously) also on that paragraph, fourth line down, i think you should replace chill with cool.

    In conclusion, this has great structure, and is a highly enjoyable read.
    Thank you for a great read,
    Kurtis.
    (CloakedAssassin)


    • therenaissancegirl
      August 22
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the constructive comment; I fixed the errors you pointed out I'm glad you enjoyed my story, and if you could help me spot the awkward sentences I'd be the happiest girl on earth


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    July 13
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    [Entries in 'Spring Spring Spring' must be written on SW between March 23 and June 22]

    I really enjoyed this piece. It was packed full of emotions. I love love. Truly, though. I wonder if this is based on anything personal? If it is, you should really speak with this guy.

    If you don't, you'll drive yourself crazy.

    • therenaissancegirl
      July 13
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, it kind of was, lol but I ended up going out with him a little after this, and he's not that great. We broke up a week later. Teenage love, right?


  • Dual.Of.Fireflies
    July 5
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    VERY GOOD JOB! Aw crap, i lost the paper! Very good job!!!!


  • bulan
    July 5
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    it's great, i put you on finalist list


  • Marisalyn13
    July 2
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    Fantabulous story!


  • Karbear12345 silver member
    July 1
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    Wow, this was an amazing story!!! It was fantabulous, and your topic sentence and title drawed me into this story!
    ~Kerrianne

    YOYOYO! YOU ARE GOING TO THE FINALISTS LIST!!! CONGRRRRAAAAATTULLLLLLAAAAAATTTTTIIIIIIOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 - 14 of 14