“Nessa, are you awake?” Jackson Haley whispered in the darkness. Vanessa Thompson opened gritty eyes to see him standing naked over her bed. His slate gray eyes looked at her coldly. 1
“What’s wrong, Dad?” she asked of her stepfather. When she got no response she sat up, clutching the heavy quilt to her chest. He reached out and grabbed a handful of her waist length curls. 2
“Black, just like your mom’s.” He whispered softly. He leaned forward and kissed her soft mouth. Nessa pulled back quickly, her violet eyes wide with shock.3
“Dad, what do you think you‘re doing? I know you miss Momma, I do too.” The unexpected blow sent her flying off the bed.4
“You little bitch...you’re just like your mother! Always questioning me, this is my house, and I’ll do as I damn well please!” Each word was punctuated by a vicious blow. Jackson looked down at his sobbing stepdaughter, aroused by her fear. He yanked her up by her hair and threw her forcefully onto the bed. He kneeled on the bed over her, and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I bet you’re a little whore, just like you’re mother. I bet you like it rough.” She whimpered as he nibbled on her neck.5
“Why are you doing this?”6
“Why shouldn’t I” he answered with a question. Without waiting for an answer, he gagged her. “I’ll do what I want with you Nessa, there’s no one to stop me.” He tied her hands to the headboard tightly, knowing that she was losing circulation. Nessa bucked and kicked trying to get him off of her. He responded by hitting her hard, causing blood to trickle from the corner of her mouth. Jackson took satisfaction in the sound of the gown being ripped from her slender body. 7
Nessa retreated into her mind, choosing not to witness him rape and brutalize her. She wondered why he was doing this, what she had done, but then realized that she just didn’t care anymore. She never noticed when Jackson finally had enough of abusing her for one night, or when her 10 year old stepbrother tearfully untied her, begging her to wake up. She didn’t snap back to reality until the first officer on the scene started to uncover her to check the damage. All of it came crashing down on her and she screamed and fought against the heartbroken officer, until finally she collapsed against his chest, crying.8
When she was loaded into the ambulance, the officer looked at his partner. “We can’t let that bastard get away with this,”9
to be continued....10
Author notes
Decided to finally start working on my story.
This is based on the experience of a close personal friend...I hope by sharing her story more awareness is raised as to what is being done to our children...All names have been changed because I've incorporated her story into my novel...Much love to you and yours,
Nicole
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Very sad and all to real. I'm glad you wrote this. Life shouldn't be terrible but for so many it is or was. I hope your friend can deal with such a trumatic event. Although i know it's hard. Jesus i feel bad for her. You did an excellent job.
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Very good...am always interested in reading about traumatic events as I can generally relate to them. You wrote this so well...
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I have been in Nessa place. which is why I understand this so well, only difference for me, there were no officers that came around. No one to care for a lost soul in the form of a child.
Riftkin
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I've know quite a few people who've lived similar experiences so this hits close to home. This is vary well written and does a goodjob of describing the situation. Personally I would have liked a bit more of the thoughts playing on her mind. More of what she was thinking throught the fight, how she gave up. All the psychological things that you rarely read. But you have to know that to write it so I guess I won't push that. Overall a good write, very powerful.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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this story is heartbreaking. That anyone should go through this. Good luck with your story I can't wait to read more. Thanks for entering,
-Faithful Dreamer -
Interesting. Very Well written
I'm off to read the remaining 2 parts-
As for any critical thought- I personally feel the element of shock felt by the protagonist kind of covers other aspects of the story.. probably, because it is in the first person's narration.
Love,
Kunji.
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Wow! I must say that this is well written. I think that you did quite well with handling this subject. I started to cry as I read it. The only thing that I would say needs to be worked on in this chapter is the Dialog Sentences. Whenever a character starts to speak their dialog should then start a new paragraph. At least that is what I have always been told.
But other than that I find this quite well written.
~Rhiannon~ -
WOW!!! for the first part, you have really got my attention. This is going to be something really good.
Thanks for sharing your story with us...
I can see you in my mind reading it...the way you do that...so dramatic...hehe... great stroy so far..
Tammy
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NEXT PART! I want to read the next part! This had ... images that weren't pretty, but I loved the wording. Great writing. (I'm extremely sorry if you went through this.)
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This was extremely rough imagery. I imagine that someone couldn't write like this without experiencing it or having a great deal of research into rape. I shake my head just thinking about it.
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this is really good in a sick way. this is great write more
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I love it. Splended it is. I hope to read more. Please if you ever have something new let me know. Your work has caught my eye and i love it very much.
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I want to read the next part. Well written, bringing the reader onto the scene as an onlooker who can't pull away and look the other way.
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Lovely
Very sad, but I like it. Please, post the rest soon!
~Amanda -
Nice start - captivating. I am curious as to where this is going. Brief for a first chapter - but is it a great introduction.
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