This is a story about a 17 year old boy named David. He lead a really good life. He was quarterback of his high school football team, which was currently, holding on to by a fair amount, first; this in turn helped to make him pretty popular within the whole school. Everyone knew who he was, and envied him. He had a loving family, great girlfriend of 3 years, and pretty much everything in his life was picture perfect. Until one day...1
It was a regular day, David got up, went to school and then realized on his was to Myth that he had completely spaced out about his project that was due that day. So because of this, he decided to just skip Myth for once, what could one time hurt. He went to Amber's locker to see if she had done hers. He secretly hoped she had forgotten all about her project and wanted to go get a bite to eat instead of heading to class. 2
He waited at her locker until well after the bell had rung and thought maybe she already was in class. So he ditched school by himself. He went out to the parking lot and got into his truck. The first thing he noticed was that he had a missed call and a message on his cell phone. David always left his phone in his truck because cells were banned at school. He sat there and listened to the message. This was bad.3
The message was from Amber's mom, Johnna. Amber had been in a bad car accident and was in the hospital. David didn't know what to do and started paniccing. He wanted to go see her, but then he didn't want to get in trouble for missing school and risking the possibility of being kicked off the football team. Plus, Johnna said in her message that he shouldn't come anyway, and Amber would be alright after a bit of rest. After sitting there contemplating for quite sometime, he eventually decided to risk it all. She needed him there and that's what he was going to do, be there for her. After all, she was his world and without her, he wouldn't be what, or who, he was today and he loved her with all of his heart and soul.4
He got to the hospital and went and asked for her room at the front desk. They couldn't tell him. He asked about her condition. Nothing. They couldn't tell him anything. He tried talking the nurse at the counter into to telling him anything for a few minutes, and then gave up. He went and sat by the door, and waited. He figured eventually someone was going to be going into see Amber, and they would then let him in with that person. 5
He waited for three hours, no sign of anyone. He figured he had better get back to school and get at least his last two classes in. He was sitting there in his AP Bio class and he heard crying coming from the hallway. Thoughts about something happening to Amber went racing through his head. He quickly asked to use the restroom. In the hallway was Johnna, frantically searching for a room. He started walking towards her, and she, after seeing him, leaned on a wall and began sobbing.6
He quickly ran over to her and helped her to stand. He gave her a hug and tried to get her to tell him what was going on. Even though, in his mind, he had a pretty clear idea about what was happening. She kept trying to say, but would only break down crying. He walked her to his truck, took her back to her house and helped her inside. She made it to the living room and collapsed on the couch only to lay there and cry some more. 7
David, still somewhat confused about what happened exactly, got her a glass of water and sat down next to her. She eventually wore herself out and fell asleep. David, then got up and called his mother, Melissa. He explained what had happened all through the day and told her he was going to wait there for Johnna to wake up. Melissa offered to come sit with him. He declined telling her he'd be home as soon as Johnna woke up and told him what was going on exactly. 8
TBC...9
Author notes
there will be more... this is only chapter one!!! keep that in mind!!!!!!!
Edited 8/21
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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wow, i like this story alot, and i cant wait to read the next
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No biggie, really, just that little thing, ya know? Rough drafts, blame it all on rough drafts! ^^
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hey amanda i loved this also your a great story writer keep it up and hurry up with your contest lol...
-Jenn -
Enjoy and Sephielya: i changed who called him... i was thinking about that when i wrote it... but i didn't wanna change it all up right then, so i was just going to leave it at that, until someone said anything.. .and you did! haha... thanx though, shows you did some thinking!
Enjoy: i am sorry this didn't grab your attention... it's just a little thing i've written... -
I do agree with Enjoy that Amber wouldn't be able to call. I myself got into a critical car accident last Sept, and I was out for two days boardering on comatose. Anyone that knew about it was either family or notified by my family. If, goddess forbid, I had died, it would have had to have been notified to all of my friends by my other friends and parents ^^() But if they knew I was in the accident and then my mom showed up crying... yeah, they'd know.
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This is okay, but it doesn't really bring me in. There are a few grammatical errors, but other than that the story just doesn't create interest for the reader. This could be fixed by explaining more important things, and not explaining insignificant things, like why he didn't take his cell phone in. It would have been much more interesting to read something like: "He got to his car and noticed a missed call on his cell phone--it was from Amber." and leaving it at that. Also, Amber would not be able to call him from the hospital. It just wouldn't happen. If she was in bad enough shape to die, number one she wouldn't have the strength to call, number two, they wouldn't let her use the phone. At the end, he would have been able to figure it out why her mother was crying. Unless, of course, he was a stupid jock--let's hope not. Let's hope he's a good, intelligent guy. He should have figured it out in the hallway at school. Keep working on it; you'll get there.
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Why must you people do this to me?!!! I get really into a story, and *poof, you stop. I love this. I know it is going to end sad, but isn't sad better than no ending at all? Well, I guess you alone have control of this young man's life. I hope all ends well...
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